Summer Heat Woes Only Women Understand
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Men have no idea how women suffer when…well during a lot of things, but especially when it gets hot out. If it were up to us, we’d all live in an all-women’s nudist colony until the weather cooled down so we could be comfortable without being ogled. But, instead, we must attempt to look put together and appropriate for work and our everyday activities while beating the extreme heat. It’s just not easily done. We have to somehow cover up while cooling down. We have to keep our manes in check when the humidity is skyrocketing. Men just put on a bro tank and call it a day. Nobody catcalls them for wearing shorts. Nobody ogles them for showing the sides of their chests. Here are summer heat woes only women understand.
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When shorts become shorter
What’s going on with shorts? When I try a pair of shorts on in the store, they look reasonably conservative. Everything is covered up. I feel that I could comfortably wear these around town. And then ten minutes into actually wearing them out, they’ve hiked up so much that my butt cheeks are out. And let’s not even talk about how they roll up in the front after sitting down.
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Boob sweat
The boob sweat is endless. It’s relentless. You want to go braless so as to give your girls some air, but then the sweat shows right through your shirt. There is just a constant layer of stickiness beneath our boobs that we silently suffer with.
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Strapless bras barely work
It’s a good time of year for tank tops and strapless tops, but the trouble is that the strapless bras we wear with those are all nearly useless. Even the best ones are somehow down at your waist by lunchtime. But if you go braless and nip out, you feel exposed (and get harassed).
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Sticky bangs
If you have bangs, the summer is your worst enemy. You take the time to blow dry them nicely in the morning, and then by the time you arrive at work, they’re stuck to your forehead. So you wind up pinning them on top of your head all summer, but you don’t feel cute that way.
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Humidity=frizzy hair
The humidity causes your hair to puff up so far that it’s almost expanded into its own atmosphere. Hey, at least it forces people to keep their distance on the metro—that hair sticks out an extra foot on either side.
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Thigh sweat
The rare few who have the thigh gap may not deal with this but as for the rest of us, it’s unstoppable: that thigh sweat. That thigh chafing. If you wear shorts or a dress, the skin between your thighs just rubs against each other, and that friction creates more heat aka more sweat.
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Getting up from leather furniture
Of course all of the men in our lives love their leather couches and their vinyl bar stools. Meanwhile, we’re peeling our sticky skin off of this furniture because we’re in shorts. Getting up too fast feels like ripping a furniture-sized Band-Aid off.
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Feeling like we have a swamp in our underwear
Our blessed lady parts don’t feel so blessed during the summer. It’s a swamp down there. There are ways to keep it cool but the very fact that we have to think about that is a nuisance.
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Keeping feet on point
It’s sandal season, and that means we can no longer hide our toenails—which have old nail polish chipping off and desperately need a trim—in regular shoes. We have to scrub off the calloused skin on our heels. We have to lotion up our dry arches.
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Keeping legs shaved
One of my favorite things about the fall and winter is just letting my leg hair grow. Hey, I’ve been with my man for nearly seven years—he doesn’t run his hands up and down my legs anymore. But when it’s shorts and skirts weather, I have to shave every day again.
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Office dress code in the heat
You wind up in some odd hybrid of linen blazers and loose pants. It’s hard to find office attire in the summer that’s cute, breezy, and appropriate.
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Sitting on public transport in shorts
If you ride public transportation, you just stand the whole time. You know the way shorts and skirts—even medium-length ones—ride up, exposing your more private areas to the nasty bus seats. No thank you.
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Washing bras daily
Bras just get so nasty during the summer. They yellow with sweat after just one day. You’re constantly hand-washing bras (and that’s the most tedious part—they must be hand-washed) and have damp bras hanging all over your house.
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Bikinis under clothes
When it comes time for pool and beach parties, there’s no comfortable way to wear a bikini that ties on the side beneath clothing. The ties are so clunky that trying to close jean shorts over them is painful, and wearing them beneath a loose dress creates this odd shape on your hips.
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Sweating makeup off
You spend all of this time on your makeup, and by mid day, your concealer has melted, your eye shadow has smudged, and your eyeliner has smeared. You look like you’ve been up partying for days.
