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Making the decision to part ways with a toxic relative can be difficult. After all, you are family and since you were old enough to talk, you were likely taught that family should stick together through thick and thin. Unfortunately, some take this to mean that they can treat their loved ones however they please without consequence. While it can be deeply troubling to pull the trigger when it comes to a decision of this magnitude, it is sometimes it’s the only thing that you can do to protect your emotional wellbeing. Here are some major signs that it’s time to cut ties with your toxic relative.
There’s no growth
People are capable of growth and evolution — even people who have done pretty terrible things in the past. However, when you notice zero growth in a person and they continue doing the same awful things they did in their teens now that they’re in their 30s, 40s and 50s, it might be time to cut your losses.
Their toxicity is interfering with your day-to-day life
When the stress and anxiety of dealing with that person begin to interfere with your ability to function in your daily life, it’s time to take a step back. This can manifest in many ways including difficulty sleeping, loss of appetite or inability to focus following interactions with the person.
You can’t fully enjoy holidays or major life events
One day while reflecting on the last ten years of my life, it dawned on me that every single one of my major life event was somehow tied to attacks from one particular relative, which, in an indirect way, always placed a damper on the milestone. From college graduations to the birth of a child, it’s almost as if my personal milestones were an alarm clock that alerted her to the fact that she hadn’t shown her a– in a while. There’s something about holidays and major life events that really causes people to act out. But when you’re finding that one specific person is sucking the joy out of every holiday and milestone, it’s time to separate yourself.
Their manipulation is clouding your judgment
I’ve always been perplexed by people who think that their over-the-top emotional reactions have the power to move people or alter their circumstances. Then, one day, I had to sit back and think about the fact that in many cases, they do, which is why toxic people continue to have them. My moment of truth came during a time when I was considering making a decision that would potentially cause my daughter distress just to keep my relative’s emotional reactions at bay. At that point, I knew that I was losing it and needed to take a humungous step back from this person.
The majority of their interactions are negative or abusive
When it gets to a point where the majority of your interactions with a person are negative and during the simplest of interactions, you feel as though you’re trying to navigate through a field of land mines, it’s time to re-examine the relationship and ask yourself if it adds any true value to your life. You know, when it feels as though every question is being asked with an ulterior motive in mind and every comment is meant to disparage.
