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When it comes to sexual fetishes, I say, to each her own, and as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult, go for it. But sometimes you learn about certain fetishes and you just have to think, “Do those interested in this perhaps need, um, therapy?” Often, the way we are in bed and the things that turn us on are very much an insight into our personalities, including our insecurities, fears, and dreams. I personally will not do a threesome, and I’m sure many people could psychoanalyze me for that. But, I believe that many sexual preferences and proclivities fall within the reasonable group of desires and fears, while others may betray a deeply troubled mind. On that note, if your partner is into any of this bedroom play, you should probably be concerned.
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Finding thirds online
Some people aren’t just into swinging, finding thirds, and having orgies, but they’re also turned on by finding strangers to do this with. They may find them on social media, certain online forums, or—worse—Craigslist. In this day in age, we have to remember how many people are just Catfishing us online, and may be looking for an in to rob you…or worse.
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Body suspension
In this sexual play, hooks are inserted into your skin at strategic points and you’re suspended from the ceiling. I’m no psychiatrist, but I can’t help but wonder if one is into that, if murder and cannibalism aren’t far behind.
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Having you berate him
Some people are just into having their partners completely berate them. I mean yell the most condescending, insulting, ego-destroying comments at them. But, if a person is into this, is there not perhaps just some deep self-hatred going on? Plus, what if you say something to your partner during sex that is just a little too honest, and affects the rest of your relationship? I wonder if this “fetish” is just a ruse to get one’s partner to expose secret thoughts.
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Fecal stuff
Can we, as a society, decide that having someone poop on us, in front of us, or in our mouths (yes people are doing that) is not a sex thing? Where does the sex come into play here? I don’t know. But I’m sure E. Coli comes into play—heavily.
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Dressing like a baby
Yes, this is a real fetish and more common than you may think. Question: what happens when you have a baby with this person? Will he start stealing the baby’s diapers and bottles for these escapades?
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Climacophilia
This fetish involves being sexually aroused by watching someone falling down stairs. It puts a whole new spin on that murder documentary “The Staircase,” right? And might leave you feeling unsafe with your partner near stairs.
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Furries
Furrying involves dressing as and having sex with others dressed as giant stuffed animals. But, um, what happens when there’s a big Barney impersonator at your kid’s birthday party? Or Sesame Street characters? Will your partner need to excuse himself?
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Ballbusting
In this fetish, a man is turned on by having his balls kicked repeatedly. As a woman, I can’t help but wonder if I’d start thinking of all the times my partner wronged me and overdo it. I mean, um, what if you accidentally overdo it and he has to go to the hospital?
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Tripsolagnia
This is a fetish of having one’s hair washed. That’s pretty innocent, when you think about it. Until you have to wonder what happens when the guy goes to the hairdresser?
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Bug play
Otherwise known as Formicophilia, this is a fetish by which one is turned on by having bugs crawling on them, and even nibbling on them. You can probably never again trust your partner to kill a spider in the house. He’s likely collecting them in a jar somewhere…
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Full bladder
There is actually a common fetish by which people are turned on by seeing someone who has a full bladder, unable to find a restroom, and pee herself. You just have to wonder what will happen next time you’re on a road trip with your partner, he’s driving, and you say you need to use the restroom. Will he pull over?
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Watching car crashes
Symphorophilia is a fetish by which someone is turned on by watching a car crash. Sometimes it extends to causing a car crash. You certainly don’t want to be in the passenger seat of a driver who has this fetish.
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Clown fetish
What happens when someone with a clown fetish and a clown phobia come together? It can’t be good. And I’ll add that most healthy people are afraid of clowns so what’s up with those who are attracted to them?
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Risk of assassination
Some individuals are turned on by the risk of being killed. It’s called autassassinophilia. Those who, for example, have sex on train tracks or while driving are likely into this.
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Menophilia
This is sexual attraction to menstrual blood. This one could actually be a good thing, since many men won’t have sex with a woman on her period, and they’re wrong. But hopefully someone with Menophilia won’t only have sex with you on your period.
