As women, we tend to nurture everything. I always attributed this character trait with the idea that for many of us, our bodies are biologically designed to take something, plant it inside of us, and grow it. As the birthplace of creation, we not only literally nurture the growth of a baby, but we also nurture the growth of the people around us.
In some ways this is a beautiful, endearing quality. Where the world lacks compassion and empathy, women usually come in and add generosity to the space. But the same energy that feeds the world can deteriorate the giver. Many women fall victim not only to the actions of men they love, but also to their own optimism and vision.
Social media self-love ambassador, Derrick Jaxn, broke down this cycle brilliantly in one of his recent videos. He explained that a lot of women with vision constantly get hurt because they “want more for people than they want for themselves.”
It’s extremely common to see a woman who is advanced spiritually, professionally or mentally doing the emotional labor of pulling her partner up out of love. But during the process, she can find herself wounded by his incapacity to be loyal, faithful or financially secure during this process. But her greater vision for him keeps her involved, as she patiently waits for the man she “thinks” he is to appear.
Jaxn explains, “As a woman, you became who you are, you achieved the level of who you are on a personal level because of the work you put in, because of the sacrifice and all of the ethical things that you did to attain that, but you have to understand, not everyone else is built like that. Hell, a lot of dudes, if we are talking relationships, they don’t want what’s best for them, they want what’s easiest to them.”
This can be a hard pill to swallow. We all know that the “easiest” or most comfortable route isn’t what leads to growth–but we also overestimate some dudes desire to grow. Betting on potential can cost you. If you don’t love this man for who he is at this moment, you will start to do the work he needs to be doing to make up for the deficiency. In turn, you can lose yourself (and your money!). So to stop the pattern, you have to stop yourself.
“Those of you who have vision, you have to get to a point, where you learn not to want more for people than they want for themselves, you want only what they have the capacity to value by themselves.”
Concluding, if you don’t start practicing this discernment, you will continually bring a man “the sun, stars and the moon, while he takes it for granted because he can’t see much higher than the ceiling of his mama’s basement. ”
A word. Watch below.