When it comes to cheating, is the fault on your partner, the person they cheated with, or both parties?
In an interesting conversation about the topic with songwriter Tank and the Internet as a whole, singer Monica made it clear that for her, she would only be upset with her partner. She said who you are supposed to be committed to is the only person who owes you anything in that situation.
“Typically when people find out their mate is cheating, they will blame the other person more harshly than their mate, and I just find that to be insane,” she said.
“You realize how stupid that is because at the end of the day, the person that you either took vows with or made a commitment — because everybody ain’t married, but if I live with you it’s the same thing for me. So it’s like the commitment that you’ve made and the requirements and responsibility of taking care of the other person’s heart only belongs to your mate,” she added. “Yeah, it’s nobody that’s going to meet somebody that I’m with that don’t know that they my somebody, but they still don’t owe me what the person that I’m with does. I may get some information from, or be resourceful towards or maybe just want to know a little bit about, but I’m not confronting or running up on somebody else that’s been with somebody. It’s your husband. She ain’t take no vows with you.”
Monica said she used to be ready to kick down some doors and smack a chick over the choices the men in her past made, but she says life and motherhood changed her. She wouldn’t do anything that would take her away from her kids. She has also realized that sometimes cheating has to do with people not feeling worthy of the love they have.
“When somebody disrespects you like that, it’s sometimes a lack of love,” she said. “People assume it’s just a lack of love towards you, but a lot of people, when they’re moving around like that, they don’t really love themselves and sometimes they don’t even feel worthy of who it is they have and they don’t even know how to care for that. Sometimes you can’t do what you weren’t taught.”
“It’s really the person that you’re with, it’s their responsibility to care for you, to think of you,” she added. “They have to protect you at all costs. And how much can you love me if you’re not protecting me?”
Interesting enough, Monica, who filed for divorce from husband Shannon Brown in March, said their marriage came to an end not because of a third party. However, based on this stance on who’s at fault when it comes to infidelity, she may not have been saying that cheating wasn’t the reason their relationship ended. Instead, she could have been placing blame solely on him and not on another woman.
“For me, commitment means that what we agreed to do shall not be broken by anyone or anything, period, under no circumstances,” she told RuPaul recently. “I always say I thank God for change because my old reaction to things when they happened, I’ve grown up a bit. And I have calmed myself enough to understand that kicking down doors and smacking chicks is not the way anymore. Luckily, for us, it wasn’t another person that was the issue but in the times that I’ve experienced that, I definitely act out very harshly. So that part of the growth has been good. Me being hurt repeatedly allowed me to say, ‘Okay, how do you deal with hurt?'”