Men's Health Month: Loving A Man Who Neglects His Health
The Struggles Of Loving A Man Who Neglects His Health
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It’s Men’s Health Month and might I say thank goodness there is a month dedicated to illuminating men’s health issues because most men I know simply don’t take their health very seriously. A favorite comedian of mine has a joke about this. He says that basically, since men won’t go in for regular checkups or look into symptoms, that’s why it seems they drop dead out of nowhere. One day you see them, the next day they’re gone. While that is funny in theory, it’s very sad in reality. I don’t know what it is—perhaps men think it isn’t masculine to admit physical weakness, and that includes visiting a doctor when something hurts. My partner is quite neglectful of his health and it drives me nuts. If you’re one of the many women out there loving and living with a man who won’t care for his health, you know about these struggles.
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I hate pestering him to see a doctor
I hate that I have to be a nag if my partner is going to take care of his health. The last thing I want to do is mother my partner, and in most things, I don’t say a thing. I don’t say anything when his fashion choices make no sense at all and I don’t say anything when he makes more flashy strange additions to his car. But this is one area in which he really forces me to be a nag. And I resent him for it.
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But if I don’t, he won’t go
If I didn’t make my boyfriend see a doctor—whether for regular exams or new symptoms—he wouldn’t. He simply wouldn’t do it. You want to know how I know? Because before we began dating, he hadn’t been in for a checkup in eight years. AKA since he was his mother’s charge, so he had someone else to make him go to the doctor.
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He says I’m “Ruining the night” by talking about it
When I pressure him to make that doctor’s appointment and look into that symptom, he tells me I’m ruining the night. If we’re having a fun night otherwise, he says I’m putting a damper on it. Well, you know what would really put a damper on everything? If he became fatally ill.
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He’ll report concerning symptoms pretty late
I am often terrified and shocked at how long he’ll let a symptom go on before saying anything about it. Apologies if this is TMI but he once said to me, “I have been having diarrhea for three weeks is that normal?” AAAAAHHH!!!! I can only wonder, at any given moment, what other awful symptoms he’s ignoring.
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He always wants a “second opinion”
When a doctor tells him he does need to take action, like have some sort of procedure or go on some sort of medication, he never wants to trust him. He always wants a second opinion. He’ll keep seeing doctors until he finds one who tells him what he wants to hear. For example, he recently saw a dentist for the first time in six years and, low and behold, she said he’s going to need a deep cleaning that’s around $1,200. To me, that sounds about right. I wasn’t surprised. But he wanted a second and third opinion. I just wanted to say, “Dude—you didn’t floss or get a professional cleaning for six years. You have terrible oral hygiene. What did you expect!”
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He self-diagnoses most of the time
He is also a big fan of diagnosing himself. He’ll look up his symptoms online, and he will of course choose the mildest diagnosis that tells him his symptoms should clear up on his own, essentially getting himself off the hook to see a doctor.
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Or he asks a friend who is not a doctor
I’ll sometimes catch him sending photos of a visible symptom to his buddies to ask if they’ve ever experienced the same thing. His friends are not doctors.
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You and his mom work together
His mom and I have to work together as a team to stay on top of his health. When there is something we want him to look into, we have to both be persistent so he feels he has no escape from the nagging until he just sees the doctor.
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But, you feel like she blames you sometimes
However, since I am the one who lives with him, I can’t help but feel that sometimes, my boyfriend’s mom blames me if my partner isn’t on top of his health. But, I can really only push the man so much.
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You get angry with him; it is selfish
I will become consumed with anger sometimes over this. It may all seem very funny right now when we’re relatively young, but these neglectful habits could result in serious issues one day. Doesn’t my partner think about the fact that, if he were to get very sick or pass away that that would hurt me, too?
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You remind him that you care for yourself
I remind my partner that I take care of my health, and doesn’t he take some comfort in that? I ask him how he’d feel if I neglected my health the way he neglects his. He’d probably be pretty worried.
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He says he doesn’t “have time” for health
I can’t stand when he says he doesn’t “have time” to see a doctor. I want to say, “Hey, you know when you won’t have time to do anything? When you’re dead because you didn’t look into a perfectly preventable issue early enough.”
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He changes nothing when he’s sick
When he has a cold or the flu, he doesn’t change a thing. He doesn’t take a sick day from work, even though he has them built up. He doesn’t take a break from the gym. He still drinks beer. It drives me up the wall to watch this.
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He goes with the cheap, short-term solution
When presented with two health solutions, one pricier one that will handle a problem once and for all and one cheaper one that will only be a short-term solution, he goes with the latter.
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I worry often about being a young window
He puts me in a position to worry about being a young widow. I understand that longevity is a myth—it is not a guarantee. But, we owe it to each other to do what we can to enhance our chances of longevity. He isn’t holding up his end of the bargain.
