“I Didn’t Want To Be Special” Fantasia Talks About A Time She Ran From The Responsibility Of Her Gift
To watch Fantasia perform live is a sight to behold. Regardless of what type of song she’s singing, it’s like church. She’s anointed. And there are signs. You can see her mouthing words on stage, shaking, hollering—catching the Holy Ghost.
And while the sounds that come out of her mouth are heavenly and were certainly appreciated in the church community, her high school peers didn’t think it was that great and they let her know they didn’t.
In a recent interview with TV One’s Uncensored, Fantasia spoke about that time in her life and how she started distancing herself from the church in an attempt to be liked and accepted by her peers.
“During that time, I knew I was different. I knew I had a calling on my life. There was something about me. And at the age of five, I loved it. 5, 6, 7, 8. And at this time, I’m starting to get picked on. Somebody may have seen me singing at church and I got all caught up. And they come to school and they’re like, ‘We saw you!’ So now, I’m like do I want to be this girl?
So I started to get picked on and then that brought on the insecurity. I didn’t feel good enough. I didn’t feel pretty enough. I didn’t want to be the girl who was singing, blessing people in church. I don’t want to hear no more of that. I want to rebel now. I started seeking attention from the wrong guys, dressing the way I never would dress.
Ninth grade, that was it for me. I said, ‘That’s it. I’m out.’
So I felt like, ‘Well bump it all. Bump school, bump singing. I’m just going to hang out in the streets with my friends, club, drink, smoke, party. And that’s what I started doing. I wanted to fit in. I wanted to be loved and I felt like the streets was going to give it to me.
At that time, I wanted different. I didn’t want to be special. Not have that responsibility on my life of blessing people and living up to people’s expectations. I just gave up. When I was in the streets though, I was like, ‘yo, something don’t feel right. If I don’t stay to connected to the church, it might get me. Me staying connected to the church was my only hope of feeling like I wasn’t going to die out of timing.”
You can watch this portion of the interview in the video below.