On Tuesday’s episode of The Real, the ladies had a discussion about “struggle love.” We defined such relationships on this site in 2017 as “that never a moment of peace, I don’t know why I put up with his mess, but I love him type of love that’s more trouble than it’s worth.” And during the conversation on the daytime talk show, guest co-host and former Community star Yvette Nicole Brown argued that Black women are the ones who most often have to put up with this type of relationship because they’re underappreciated.
“I don’t think we’re seen as the prize that we are. I think that people are sleeping on how wonderful Black women are,” she said. “Now get it, you get a Black woman, you get a sistah, you’re going to get some mouth, but let me tell you what that mouth’s going to do: get you though a lot of hard times. That woman is going to pray for you, she’s going to fight with you, she’s going to fight for you, and she’s going to make you a better man. So if you want to be a better man, you might want to get somebody with a little melanin! Hold you up! Keep you strong!”
Some women, weary of struggle relationships (because really, anyone of any background can end up in one), are keeping their options open when it comes to who they choose to date, so much so that they might date outside of their race. But for Loni Love, she wanted to make it clear that she didn’t start dating current beau, James Welsh, because she doesn’t love Black men and doesn’t love being Black. She started dating him because she found that they complemented one another well.
“I have to say this. Me being a person dating a white man, that is about compatibility, that is not about blackness,” Love said. “Because let me tell you something, don’t get it twisted. All day long I will take off my wig and put up my fist and fight for my people.”
Brown followed up Love’s sentiment by saying that even though people give Black women grief when they date outside their race, the record will show in most cases that these same women dated plenty of Black men before finding themselves with a man who is not.
“The other thing I can say about Black women dating white men, nobody starts there for the most part. We give a lot of chances,” Brown said. “Listen, I have never dated outside of my race ever. I’ve always been down for the brown. But if y’all see me with an ‘other,’ I don’t want to hear nothing from nobody! And I love my brothers. I love my brothers! But I’m saying! Am I lying?”
Love seconded that, saying at a certain point, when you’re ready to find love, it’s not about what a person looks like. Instead, it’s about the type of love and respect they show you.
“I been dating Black men for 47 years! This the one white man and y’all gonna try to talk? No!” she said. “It’s about compatibility. We love our brothers, but it’s about, when we talk about that, because let’s be real, they’ve been giving grief to Serena Williams. They’ve been giving grief to anybody that’s prominent that has been dating outside of their race. But I’m a tell you, when it comes to love, it’s about compatibility — especially when you get in them 40s.”