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There are a lot of reasons my current boyfriend is my favorite sex partner I’ve ever had. In addition to the fact that I actually, truly love him—which, for many, makes things better—he also cares about how the experience is for me. It seems so obvious when I say that out loud that every man should care about how the experience is for his partner, but many don’t. I understand that for men, the physical experience is different, and they have to work extra hard to keep some command over their body and remain focused during intercourse. Their bodies are designed to just finish as soon as possible. But really, any grown man who has been sexually active for more than one year can’t rely on that excuse any more. Get it together. I know men can be more cognizant of their partners during sex, so I just don’t accept excuses from those who aren’t. And the differences between the two are so obvious. Here are habits of men who do and don’t care about your orgasm.
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Don’t care: won’t switch positions
When a guy doesn’t care, he’ll find a position that works for him and then he’ll just bring it home from there. He can’t be bothered with pausing and moving around to a position better suited for you.
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Do care: tailor the position to you
Men who care about your orgasm remember that they are going to finish no matter what, so they don’t mind switching positions for your pleasure. They don’t need to worry about a position not working for them—they know all positions eventually work for them.
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Don’t care: never ask
Men who don’t care just don’t ask if you orgasmed. They don’t ask during sex if you think you will be able to orgasm with what they’re currently doing. They just don’t touch on the subject.
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Do care: check in
Men who care check in. They ask, “Is this working for you?” and they ask, “Did you have an orgasm?” afterwards. They acknowledge the fact that it’s just as important that you finish as it is they finish.
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Don’t care: rush things
Guys who don’t care rush things. They just want to get to the finish line. There is little or no foreplay (though they’ll gladly accept some from you). It’s all over in the blink of an eye.
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Do care: take things slowly
Men who care pace themselves. They’ll make sure to do plenty of things to you before intercourse to make sure you’re primed for an orgasm.
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Don’t care: won’t talk about it
Men who don’t care are generally uncomfortable even talking about it. They have some weird, suppressed stuff going on there. If you try to talk to them about what they can do to help you orgasm, they shut the conversation down.
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Do care: ask what they can do differently
Men who care are ready to have full conversations about your orgasm. If you want to draw them figures to show them what they should be doing, they’ll study those figures and ask important questions.
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Don’t care: jackhammering
If a man jackhammers he just…doesn’t care. You may as well be a sex doll to him. Get away from that man.
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Do care: would never jackhammer
Men who care would never jackhammer. I’m not saying they don’t have the instinct to—all men do—but they have learned that is not okay.
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Don’t care: are generally selfish
If a man doesn’t care about your experience in bed he generally won’t care about your experience out of it, either. That’s the guy who asks you to do everything around the house and finds ways to get out of carrying his weight.
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Do care: show care outside of bed
The guy who cares about your orgasm will also care about your experience outside of bed. He’ll treat you like a queen beneath the sheets and everywhere else. He’s always aware of whether or not you’re happy.
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Don’t care: pressure you to have sex
The men who pressure you to have sex—who whine and complain that you haven’t had sex in X amount of time—are generally going to be the men who don’t care about your orgasm. They don’t even ask themselves why you don’t have much sex with them—they just skip to feeling sorry for themselves.
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Do care: set the mood/connect first
Men who care know that mental stimulation is as important as physical stimulation to women. They’ll talk to you about your day. Set the mood. Make you laugh. They’ll make sure you connect emotionally before you have sex.
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Don’t care: mentally checked out
If you look at the partner who doesn’t care, mid-sex, he’s probably looking anywhere besides at his partner. He’s closing his eyes or looking at the wall.
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Do care: keeping an eye on you
A man who cares about your orgasm keeps an eye on your during sex. He’s watching your facial expressions and listening to your sounds. He’s making sure things are progressing towards an orgasm for you.
