We invest so much into our relationships that it can send us into internal turmoil trying to decide if we should call it quits. We weigh sayings like the 80/20 rule, wondering if partnership will inevitably be frustrated because of that damn 20. We make pros and cons lists. We remember our deal breakers. Yet and still, you can’t logic your way out of the emotional burden of trying to decide to end a union.
While every situation is different, there are some red flags, according to experts at Elite Daily.
Here are some things to look out for:
The One Fight That Never Ends And Gets Worse
Christie Tcharkhoutian, professional matchmaker at Three Day Rule and marriage and family therapist, told Elite Daily that cyclical, intensifying arguments are something to look out for.
“This is a sign that your relationship has developed an unhealthy dynamic and may be going in the wrong direction,” Tcharkhoutian told Elite Daily. She recommends seeking the help of professionals.
“If this is the case, seeking the help of a therapist is a helpful tool to give perspective and slow down the co-created dynamic to understand that the content of the argument is not as important as the process of feeling stuck and not able to resolve the underlying issue,” she reccomends.
You Can’t Forgive
“Relationships are a school of forgiveness, and if it is impossible to deal with current issues without forgiving and letting go of past hurts, this creates an unhealthy dynamic in which neither of you will be able to move forward into a future of forgiveness, acceptance, and grace,” she told Elite Daily.
Emotions Go Up And Down
There should be a sense of emotional steadiness in your relationship, if not, that could be a red flag. “A [rollercoaster relationship] can manifest itself in anxiety and insecurity with your partner,” Dr. Patti Feuereisen, a psychotherapist specializing in sexual abuse told Elite Daily.
“You get anxious and you are not an anxious person. You can start to feel angry at the smallest things, you stop trusting yourself,” Dr. Feuereisen explains. You and your partner may also opt for a bedroom romp to resolve conflict.
“The sex continues to be great — makeup sex almost always is, and in tumultuous relationships, there is always a lot of make up sex. The problem is that couples confuse great sex with great all-around connection.”
You Start To Lose Faith In Yourself
“There is a lot of gaslighting in tumultuous relationships, [so] you start to doubt yourself,” Feuereisen said of these rocky relationships. But friends and friendships can help fight those effects.
Everything They Say Or Do Sets You Off
“If you feel constantly triggered by your partner, or your partner feels like they are walking on eggshells or across a minefield, this is a sign that your relationship has become tumultuous and unhealthy,” Tcharkhoutian explained.