South Africa, Cape Town, Portrait of newly wed couple. (via Getty)
Whether direct or indirect, from childhood women are groomed into fantasizing about and planning their wedding day. From movies and TV to influence from family and friends, a woman’s wedding day is thought to be the absolute biggest moment in her life. But with such lofty expectations comes the unfortunate realization that many women have spent their lives looking forward to their wedding, while giving little thought to actually being a wife.
If you aren’t sure whether you’re walking down the aisle for the attention of being a bride or the responsibility of being a wife, it’s more than likely the former. Still, it’s often harder for us to recognize this behavior in ourselves versus other people. Check out this short list that’ll help clear up whether you’re seeking marriage or a wedding.
You Know Exactly Why You Want To Get Married – If someone asks you why you want to marry your fiancé and there is no hesitation on your part, then you’re headed in the right direction. Your reasons for getting married should have nothing to do with your wedding, but everything to do with the characteristics of your future spouse that made you decide to get married in the first place.
Your Relationship Is Solid – Having a stable, solid foundation is arguably the most important thing to have in a relationship, especially a marriage. Before you walk down that aisle you need to make sure that your relationship is as solid as it can be. Trust, honesty, faithfulness and respect should all be at an all-time high going into your marriage.
You’ve Lived Your Own Life – It’s very important to truly know yourself before you commit yourself to someone else. Having had the opportunity to live your life on your own terms makes you a more independent, focused and decisive person — all qualities that are beneficial to a marriage. When you get married “I” becomes “us,” so it’s a good idea to have had all the time you need to be selfish.
Your Partner Checks Your Most Important Boxes – No one is perfect, thus no one is going to fulfill every aspect on your relationship checklist. However, as long as your partner meet the most important ones, then you’re headed in the right direction for a lasting union. Whatever your most important characteristics are is something that is entirely up to you, just make sure that you’re happy and not settling because you’re ready to walk down the aisle.
You And Your Partner Have Done The Work – There is no way around it, relationships are work. Even the most loving, healthy relationships have experienced their trying times. In order for anything to prosper, work has to be done. If you and your partner have gone to counseling, talked with a spiritual advisor or sought help from loved ones, you have taken the first steps to work on whatever issues you have/had in your relationship. Additionally, you both have to agree that your relationship is worth it and that you’re committed to doing whatever it takes to save it. If not, marriage should be off the table for now.
You See Them As Part Of Your Future – This should be a given, but you’d be surprised to learn how many impending brides only look five years down the line with the man they intend to marry, when they should have thoughts of a lifetime. If you can see yourself with your partner when you’re both old and gray, reminiscing on the day you first met or exchanged vows, then you know that you’re committed to really having a life with someone instead of just a wedding.
You Would Marry Them Without Your Dream Wedding – This is perhaps the simplest way to find out if you’re really ready to get married. Ask yourself, if you had to choose between marrying the love of your life without your dream wedding or not getting married at all, would you do it? If marriage is your main focus then your answer should be an easy “yes,” however if your fabulously-planned wedding is your primary focus then you will scoff at the idea of having a wedding that’s anything less than what you’ve always imagined. To be clear, this doesn’t mean that you should comprise the wedding you truly want, it just means that if it came time to make that decision, you would choose love or a wedding.
