Is Your “Friend” Secretly Your Biggest Hater?

August 29, 2018  |  


Among the pages and pages of Instawsidom and motivational pics on the gram is an oft-replicated adage that advises, “Make sure everyone in your boat is rowing and not drilling holes.” To me, this is a shoutout to all the people on social media with shifty friends in their circle. Having been through a few toxic friendships, this spoke to the core of my spirit. How’s a girl supposed to unwind with her friends when she’s not sure she can trust everyone in her orbit?

Looking back over my life, I’m astounded at the number of people who I thought were friends but were actually enemies in disguise. Sometimes its hard to spot them in the moment, but there are few red flags to watch out for.

They Only Want To Hear About The Mess
A good kiki is a cornerstone of friendship, but if your friend is only ever interested in being messy that’s a problem.

Everything Is A Competition
Every time you come to your homie with some big news, they’ve always got to try and top it with something that happened to them. That, or they are always openly comparing their lives to yours.

They’re Always Cracking Jokes About You
It’s nothing for friends to make a few jokes about each other because you know that deep down it’s all love. But the jokes that that one friend of yours makes feel a bit mean.

They Lie To You
It’s hard for you to know when your friend is being straight with you. You may have caught them in a few lies about small stuff, but all the lies are adding up to one big issue.

They Lie About You
Sometimes you’ve heard that your friend has said a few things about you behind your back. Worse yet, the chatter that gets back to you is completely false.

They’re Super Petty
Your friend never misses an opportunity to be petty. They love nothing more than to be dramatic, childish, and difficult. There’s no need to ask whether their behavior is petty because the answer is a resounding yes. Their favorite lead-in to a conversation is “I just think it’s funny how…”

Your Joy Is Their Annoyance
You get the feeling that your friend kind of can’t stand to see you happy.

They Keep Receipts on You
It’s one thing for your friend to remember some details about your life, but that one friend of yours keeps receipts on everything you do–especially your more embarrassing moments. Can’t remember what you were doing last Tuesday at 6:21 p.m. They do, and they’ll bring it up when it’s useful for them.

They’re Not Above Stealing Your Style
Your hating friend may not like to see you looking fabulous–they might even make disparaging remarks about your appearance–but they don’t mind snagging elements of your style to enhance their look. This might come in the form of raiding your closet or buying the same items as you.

They Don’t Encourage You
In the moments where life knocks you down, a real friend will be there to help you get back up and keep fighting. Your frenemy, on the other hand, will not only be invested in holding your down, but they’ll take great joy in reminding you of your failures so that you keep questioning yourself.

‘Congratulations’ Is Not In Their Vocab
A good friend will celebrate you in your moments of victory, but it takes a major effort for that one friend to acknowledge your accomplishments.

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