Things he needs from you when he is down but he won't tell you

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Men aren’t exactly great at telling you when they could use a little comfort. I, personally, have no problem letting my boyfriend know when I could use some nurturing and TLC. Hey, isn’t that what a partner is for? Aren’t we supposed to be one another’s safe zones? Support systems? Living, breathing, human-shaped stuffed animals? Well, you get the idea: I think it’s fine admitting when you need to be taken care of but I’m a woman–my male partner is another story. I’ve had to learn to read the room a bit, and pick up on subtle cues that my partner could use my help, even when he won’t state it. Here are things he needs from you when he is down but he won’t tell you.

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To put your stuff aside

He won’t say that he barely has the bandwidth to address his own issues, let alone yours. But he probably wouldn’t mind if you saved your rant about your fight with your mom for another day when he wasn’t having a personal crisis.

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To stay home with him

He won’t ask you to cancel your plans to stay by his side because he’s afraid to be left alone but he may be thinking it. Maybe your drinks with friends can wait if your partner is having an emotional breakdown.

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To be sensitive

He probably isn’t in the greatest condition to handle you teasing him. In fact, he will probably take things the wrong way right now if he is down. Of course, he won’t tell you not to make jokes. You just have to read the room.

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To give him a pep talk

Few men will ask for a pep talk that doesn’t come from a sports coach. But your partner probably wouldn’t mind your reminding him what makes him so strong and great, when he’s struggling to remember those reasons.

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To watch his show

Just watch that show that he loves that you hate. It makes him happy, and your company comforts him. So let him have it all if he’s having a particularly terrible week.

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To cuddle

It took my boyfriend years to say the words “I need a cuddle” and some men never get to that point. But it’s safe to assume your touch would be helpful when your partner feels like he is free falling.

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To keep it private

Don’t call his friends and tell them your partner is falling apart. There is a pride thing amongst men–he doesn’t want his buddies showing up with soup.

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To give him time to cry

Your partner might really benefit from a cry but he probably doesn’t want to do it in front of you. If you get the feeling he has to let it out, politely make up an errand you need to run and give him space.

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To let him vent

He may just need to vent for a while with no aim to find a solution right now. So don’t interrupt. Just let him get it all out the way you sometimes have to.

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To assure him things will be fine

He needs you to tell him everything will be okay but he won’t ask you to say it.

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To stay calm

Even if you are genuinely worried that things won’t be okay or that he won’t pull out of this, you can’t show any of that. He needs you to stay calm when he is panicking. Don’t you need the same?

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To get him comfort food 

He will say you two can eat whatever you want but he could probably really use Thai food from that place he loves right now. He just isn’t as comfortable asking for comfort food as you are.

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Avoid criticism

This isn’t the best time to mention the way he cleans the dishes wrong or hasn’t been cleaning the dogs paws after walks. He is beaten down enough right now.

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Skip heavy topics

No matter how important a change is in the news, maybe you can spare your partner any sad information right now. He won’t ask you to, but he needs you to isolate him from bad news at least until he feels mentally strong again.