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In the aftermath of Monday night’s very messy episode of Basketball Wives, people are already circulating the preview clip from next week’s episode where Evelyn Lozada and Tami Roman confront each other. When Evelyn calls Tami “a liar,” Tami responds by claiming that her co-star lied on ex-husband Chad “Ochocinco” Johnson.

“You lied on Chad,” she tells Lozada. “You know you was fighting that man all along.”

Tami is, of course, referring to the 2012 incident where, just a month after marrying, Chad was arrested and charged with domestic battery for headbutting Evelyn during an argument. She filed for divorce from him days later.

Because of Evelyn’s history of physical squabbles with her co-stars, as well as the fact that she has gone on to have a positive relationship with her ex (including saying that she would call him if her life were on the line), some have been left with questions, but the 42-year-old now says that to say she’s at fault for that incident by assuming she put her hands on him, is a hurtful thing for Tami or anyone else to do.

“The victim blaming culture discourages DV victims from coming forward. The fear of being judged and shamed is enough to make anyone stay quiet and suffer in silence—so coming out is a HUGE deal!” she wrote on Instagram. “Shaming directed at the survivor is just WRONG on so many levels. The mindset of anyone who would think that the one being abused did something to incite the situation unsettles me! When someone builds up enough courage to speak their truth—they should be believed and supported. And for those that choose to victim blame—pause and think about the inner turmoil and emotional conflict you can potentially cause for the survivor.

For me, as a DV survivor, I chose to use my experience to personally evolve and I’ve learned that there is light at the end of the darkest tunnel. I know that all DV situations are different. In my case, it was the love and support our families and a willingness and concerted effort by both of us to heal; my ex and I coexist, harbor no ill will and have moved forward…”

While Evelyn and Tami have had their issues, bringing up that domestic violence incident in an attempt to paint her negatively (and as somehow deserving of the injuries inflicted) is not only petty, but a very dangerous thing to do.

But Evelyn is getting support, surprisingly, from Chad’s daughter, Jicyra:

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