The universe is funny. Just yesterday, I wrote about whether or not a woman should feel obligated to give her man head if it wasn’t something she didn’t feel comfortable doing. In the article, I admitted that while I was conflicted about what this woman should do, I could acknowledge that there was a double standard in my heart.
Speaking of men though, one of them saying he didn’t want to go down on his wife because he was scared—sends up immediate red flags for me. I think about the idea that vaginas and vulvas have been given such a bad rap in our society. If they’re not being used for the pleasure of a man or the birth of a child, they’re not always considered. Adult films will show you that women’s pleasure is not always prioritized when it comes to heterosexual sex. There are also notions that vaginas are unclean—when they’re actually self-cleaning. Then, there’s the fact that generally speaking, it’s a bit more difficult for women to achieve orgasm from just penetration. Cunnilingus can go a long way in making that happen. A man refusing to do such a thing would just be…selfish, inconsiderate, ignorant, wrong. There are other things to unpack there.
Twenty-four hours later, I would be confronted with an example, by way of a 2015 Breakfast Club Interview featuring Khaled. In the now viral clip, he said:
DJ Khaled: I believe a woman should praise the man, the king. If you holding it down for the woman, I feel the woman should praise and the man should praise the queen but my way of praising is called ‘How was dinner? You like the house you living in?’ ‘You like all the clothes you getting,’ ‘I’m taking care of your family. I’m taking care of my family?’ You know, putting in the work.
Angela Yee: So you don’t go down?
DJ Khaled: Naw, never, I don’t go down. Nah, hell nah. I don’t do that, I don’t do that! I put in that work, my work is great.
Angela Yee: “Now if she told you she don’t do that, is that okay?”
DJ Khaled: “Nah it’s not okay because I’m the Don, the King. I’m the king of the house. I don’t do that. It’s different rules for men, we the King. It’s somethings that y’all might not wanna do or want to do but it gotta get done. I just can’t do what you want me to do. I just can’t.”
You can take a look at the clip below.
Unlike the woman I wrote about yesterday, who just seemed to be scared to put a penis in her mouth and was actually seeking solutions, DJ Khaled’s reasons for not going down seem to be rooted entirely in patriarchy and misogyny. Based on his words, because his fiancee and her family are taken care of financially, she’s not entitled to be pleasedsexually. He even goes so far to say that while a woman has to do certain things for her man, because he’s making the money in the house, he doesn’t have to return the favor. Won’t even try.
Perhaps, he has a rare woman who doesn’t appreciate oral sex and she’s happy with him. At the end of the day, everything ain’t for everybody. But what’s particularly troubling is the message that’s being disseminated here. I’m not speaking about Khaled and his fiancee. It might work for the both of them. But being in a romantic relationship requires more than money to ensure that both parties are happy. Paying for dinner, buying clothes and taking care of family doesn’t give men a pass to have all their needs met while a woman goes without.
What do you think about DJ Khaled’s comments?