Insulting things people say when your partner has an STD

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I learned a long time ago not to judge people with sexually transmitted diseases. I don’t know their stories. In fact, many of my close friends who are usually very careful in sexual encounters have contracted STDs. And honestly, I have some friends who are notoriously not careful and yet, by some miracle, they have not contracted anything. I’m glad they haven’t, but they also don’t necessarily deserve the reputation as some nun or super-cautious person because, well, they haven’t been—they just got lucky. When I was younger, I made a few mistakes that I’m very fortunate didn’t result in an STD. So, when my partner of five years now told me—on our third date, before we’d had sex—that he had an STD, I didn’t knock any points off of his score. It was a bummer, sure, but I didn’t let that fact affect my judgment of his character. I wish I could say the same for some other people in my life. Here are insulting things people say when your partner has an STD.

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When did you find out?

In other words, “He must have told you when you were already super invested in the relationship and too attached to leave.” In other words, “So he roped you in, and then he told you.”

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You found out early and stayed?

“Oh my gosh. You had this information early on and decided to stay? Why???” Well, because, in case you haven’t noticed, dating is hard, and I’m not going to let a physical flaw stand in the way of me being with someone if there is a real, emotional connection there. Condoms and prescriptions exist for a reason.

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You’re a saint for staying

I don’t exactly want to be called a saint for staying. I really love my partner. We’ve been together for five years now. We live together. We have an adorable dog together. If I had walked away from him, and risked not having this life together, all over something manageable, I would have been an idiot. Staying didn’t make me a saint—it made me smart.

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Are you sure he got it before you were together?

Wow. Thank you so much for insinuating that my partner might have cheated on me. Where does that get us in this conversation?

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You probably have it

Actually, we stay very on top of it. We always use condoms. We don’t do certain acts when he has symptoms. I get tested regularly. We’re good—but thanks for assuming I can’t take care of my health.

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I wouldn’t touch you now

Oh this one’s great—when men tell me they wouldn’t date a woman after she’d been with a guy with an STD. First of all, buddy, I don’t want to be with you. And second, news flash, you have dated women who not only dated men with STD’s, but had STDs themselves. You just didn’t know it.

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So, he was a man wh*re

Just because my partner has an STD doesn’t mean he slept around before we got together. In fact, he was pretty conservative. He just got unlucky.

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So you’re off the hook for oral

Look, real talk, that is correct: I don’t give my boyfriend blow jobs as much as most women probably give their partners. But that’s not something I rejoice over. I’d like to be able to experience the full spectrum of sexual acts with him.

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So much for having kids

We can definitely still have children. There are ways around my contracting this STD. There are even ways for us to conceive, without having unprotected intercourse.

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I would never date someone with an STD

To whoever says this, I say: you have dated plenty of people with STD’s. Many of them just didn’t tell you, or didn’t even know they had one at the time. Do you have any idea how common STD’s are?

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That’s nice that he told you

I mean…I’d hope he’d tell me! I don’t know if telling me makes him some sort of a hero. It just makes him not terrible.

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His options were limited

Or “dating must have been hard for him.” It’s some comment that suggests that not that many women would date him, and he’s just dating me because I was dumb enough to say yes.

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Gross

Yes, some full-grown adults say, “Gross” when I tell them. It’s a knee-jerk reaction they cannot contain. I don’t really want to share much else about my life with these people.

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Tell him to take a medication

Medications have side effects. They’re expensive. And they’re not always entirely necessary. This is my partner’s body we’re talking about so I consider it his choice.