Is This Petty? When You Find Out Your Boyfriend Has A Grindr Account

January 19, 2018  |  


A few years ago, Charing Ball wrote a piece for the site asking whether or not people would be comfortable with dating a man who was openly bisexual following her own experiences on a date with a guy who was. The vast majority of you said that you weren’t interested in the idea. There was a lot of concern about having to compete with both women and men if your partner ended up having a wandering eye.

In 2016, after that episode of Insecure where Molly found out that the guy she was seeing, Jared, had a sexual encounter once with a man, I asked how you all would deal with a suitor in a similar situation for “Is This Petty?” Again, you weren’t here for it. While Jared was honest about what had happened and brought it up without hesitation or regret, if something like this happened in real life, many of you said that you would believe there was no turning back. He would surely have relations with a man again in the future.

But what about someone who identifies as a heterosexual male, however, he has a “curiosity”? Would it be grounds for you to bail on whatever the both of you are building together?

I thought about this after my friend sent me a post from Baller Alert. In it, a woman who had been seeing a guy for six months found out that he actually had a Grindr account, which is a social networking app for “gay, bi, trans, and queer people.” He admitted that he just shared a risque photo (a peen pic) on the app before they started dating to see what would happen, but had no interest in men. The reader had known the guy for many years as a friend before they started dating and never got the impression that he may be go both ways, so she wasn’t sure what to do. He treated her well and things had been going great:

Baller Mail: “My Boyfriend Has A Gay App On His Phone and Has Posted A Picture Of His Penis On The App. He Said He Was Just Curious. What Should I Do?” ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ If you’re going through a tough time-whether its with your relationship, your career, or just life, Baller Alert is here to give you some advice. While it can be hard to talk to family and friends out of fear of being juddged, we are here to be that listening ear. If you want to remain anonymous or don’t mind putting your business on front street, our followers will always give you the real deal and tell you what you need to know. If you would like some ballerific advice from our followers, DM your questions to @peachkyss or email at ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Baller Mail…Message! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ “Six months ago I’ve started back a relationship with my ex I’ve known for 15 years. Everything was really amazing! Until I looked through his phone and found an Adam4Adam account (a gay website) with his pic of his penis and profile account. This man is a manly man with no hint of homosexual behaviors. Initially, he denied everything,but then told the truth with hope to save the relationship. He mentioned he was “curious “ and wanted to know what goes on. He swore he never met anyone off the site and totally forgot about the account. I know he loves me unconditionally, but my gut is telling me to let it go and my heart is telling me to work through it. I don’t look at him the same. What should I do?” ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ What advice would you give our reader?

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As crazy as that story sounds, it happens. A woman on Reddit found out by snooping that her partner of two years had actually set up a Grindr account at some point and was active on it. And by active, that means he’d been fooling around with it recently. For the record though, he didn’t identify as bisexual, but he admitted that in his past he’d fooled around with a couple of guys (she called it “bi-curious”):

I turned on his phone and started looking through his apps. On the third page of an app folder, I see Grindr and I’m immediately struck with panic. I open it up to investigate. Who knows, maybe he used to be active but doesn’t use it anymore?

Well, no. Turns out he’s fairly active. I’ve found no compelling evidence on it that he’s actually done any actual cheating, but he has active conversations with at least 5 men and has sent pictures of his face. He even told one guy that he was open to possibly meeting.

I don’t know what to do next. Should I be worried? Should I bring it up? This all feels so wrong. Need some advice…

I actually know a young woman who divorced her husband over such a curiosity. During their marriage, he became distant and told her that he needed his space. He allegedly hadn’t had encounters with men in the past, but during their break, she caught him with another guy in their apartment while trying to gather some things (he initially wouldn’t even let her in because he was trying to hide this individual). To this day he still says he loves her and wants to get back together and it was just a one-time thing, but love and vows weren’t enough to satiate any questions or curiosities he had the first time around.

With that situation in my mind, I would tell anyone in a similar situation as her, or the women previously mentioned, to move on. It’s one thing to explore your sexuality, know where you stand and be open and honest with a person you are hoping to be in a relationship with about it. No one can be upset if you’re straightforward. But it’s another to say you want to be in a committed relationship but have certain feelings and curiosities you’re still trying to figure out — on Grindr of all places. There’s nothing wrong with trying to find out who and what you really want, but you need to do that by yourself, on your own time, not while wasting someone else’s…

But per the usual, that’s just my opinion. What say you? Is a hidden Grindr account brought upon by a “curiosity” a sign you need to get gone? 

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