Why you can't have love and low self-esteem

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It breaks my heart to see certain people complaining that they can’t find love, when it’s so clear to me that the reason they can’t, is because they have some serious self-esteem issues to work on first. They’re barking up the entirely wrong tree. They shouldn’t be looking for a partner—they should be looking for a therapist. So many people think that having a relationship will fix their low self-esteem. Or, they think that they’re the one exception to the rule that states you really can’t find a good relationship with low self-esteem. If you know someone with incredibly low self-esteem who found herself with a really great partner with whom she’s truly compatible, that’s a freak incident and not the norm. Here is why you can’t have love and low self-esteem.

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You’ll attract someone who wants to keep you down

There are people who prey on those with low self-esteem. You could wind up attracting a lot of them. These individuals also tend to have low self-esteem, and keeping you down makes them feel better.

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Or someone who gets tired from keeping you up

You might attract knights in shining armor who genuinely see the good in you and want to lift you up. But they’ll grow tired of having to wipe off their armor and come to your rescue every single day. Nobody can handle that forever.

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You’ll question yourself when you’re upset

You won’t trust yourself when you’re upset in a relationship. The moment you think you’re angry with your partner, you’ll tell yourself you’re not—that you’re being too sensitive. This will result in a very emotionally distant relationship.

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You’ll question yourself when you want something

Anytime you want something from your partner—you want him to get to know your friends better or you want him to help you with the dog more—you’ll question that want. You always tell yourself you aren’t worthy of things, so why should you be worthy of things in a relationship?

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Jealousy will be a huge problem

It’s very hard to be in a relationship when you have low self-esteem and not be tremendously jealous. You typically tell yourself you aren’t good enough, and now you have to ask yourself if you’re better than that woman your partner is talking to.

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Your partner’s victories will worry you

Rather than be happy for your partner when something good happens to him—he moves up at work, he gets in better shape—you’ll just worry if your partner is becoming too good for you.

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You won’t be open about your failures

When you have low self-esteem, you cannot be honest about your failures. That means that you won’t open up to your partner when something isn’t going your way in life, and you’ll miss out on those important bonding conversations.

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You’ll require constant reassurance

You need your partner to constantly reassure you that he is happy with you, that he wants to be in this relationship, that he loves you, that he finds you attractive, that he’s glad to spend his Friday night with you…it will get to be too much for him.

Your partner’s love will never be enough

No matter how loving your partner is to you, you’ll never feel satisfied. If you don’t love yourself, then no exterior love will satisfy you. And it will be very hard on your partner to give you everything he has, and see that it’s still not enough.

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You might unintentionally seek out other attention

Without even realizing it, you may cross the line with other men. You might let inappropriate comments from male friends and coworkers slide. You may accept a drink from a man you know is interested in you. Subconsciously, you desperately need exterior validation so you don’t have boundaries with other men.

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Planning a night, or a life, with you is exhausting

Trying to plan a night with you is already exhausting. You’ll never say what you really want or whether or not you’re enjoying yourself. Your partner cannot imagine having to plan a life with you.

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You can’t even recognize good love

You don’t even really appreciate a great partner because you’re so unhappy on the inside. You may not even praise or thank your partner very often, because you can’t even feel his love.

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You’ll be bad at communicating

People with low self-esteem tend to be terrible communicators. They won’t come out and say what they want to say. You will have a very hard time giving your partner constructive criticism.

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You’ll take anybody

Truly, when you have low self-esteem, you also have very low standards. You’re looking for any outside validation you can get and so you wind up in crappy relationships.