All Articles Tagged "relationship questions"
Whitney: Since becoming a single mommy I’ve started to attract a lot of men and I’m unsure why they seemed to pop out of the woodworks once my daughter was born and her father stopped acting right. Is this normal?
DY: Who knows? Attraction is funny like that. Everyone has gone through a stretch where, for whatever reason, they were receiving more interest than they usually do. Sometimes it’s just coincidence, and other times it’s something as simple as changing a perfume or feeling more confident.
Teshia: What do you do if you really like someone and they claim to like you but they stood you up twice..?
DY: Get the hint, and be on to the next one.
Nolundi: Is there hope for a man in his 50s with a Peter Pan Syndrome?
DY: Probably not. But, look on the bright side. With the advances in medicine today, he has a good change of making it to 100. That gives him a good 40-50 more years to figure things out.
Debra: Children’s father will only deal with his kids if he can be with the mother. Mother is unhappy but does not want kids to lose father’s presence. Stay or go?
Elexis: What does a man mean when he says he wants to be friends or he’s not ready for a relationship right now??? and what does the term “friends” mean
DY: Usually, this means “I don’t want to be in a relationship with you, but I would like to have one with your vagina.”
Tia: I am in love with someone who is extremely driven in his career and doesn’t want to marry unless he has completed a huge career goal. It is realistic for me to wait?
DY: Depends on how long, really. If it’ll take 12 months, fine. 12 years, probably not. Also, why exactly does he need to accomplish this goal before marrying you? Has he expressed that?
Tia: Thanks for replying Damon. He wants to complete his PHD which will take two years. It seems like women can multitask and do many things at one time, but he wants to do that first then eventually marriage.
DY: It’s not necessarily that men can’t multi-task. But, (generally speaking) men and women prioritize different things when it comes to relationships and marriage, and I can understand why I man would want to wait until after achieving a professional goal before he got married. Often, men aren’t “ready” for marriage until they’re “settled” professionally and financially, and that seems to be the case here
Joanne: Friend is in a new relationship with a guy who has left his wife 7 years ago but never got round to a divorce as kids were growing up. At what stage is it appropriate for her to ask him when he is going to get divorced?
DY: The “right now” stage.
Sarah: Husband seems to only want to do the fun, non- controversial things with kids, yet leaves me, the step mom, to be the disciplinarian. Despite pleas to be “on the same team”, he just doesn’t get it. Is it a matter of choice or lack of vision. Sidenote- the children’s mother is not find at all of me, saying it nicely, so has pretty much told them they do not need to respect me furthering the complications.
DY: You need to have a frank talk with him about the precedent he’s setting, and how uncomfortable it’s making you to always be the “bad cop”—especially when you’re a step parent. He’s putting you in a no-win situation.
Sonya: If a person tells you you have a beautiful heart and smile….you have integrity and you’re good person as a whole. Is it safe to say you are in the friend zone ?
DY: Unfortunately so
Vanessa: Do you believe in 50/50 relationships? I feel that this type of relationship demands giving something to get something in return and doesn’t come from the sincerity of your heart. Also a man supposed to be a provider.
DY: Please expound. Not clear what you mean by 50/50.
Vanessa: I mean do you believe in 50/50 in terms of financial aspect in a relationship? My friends think my standard to high b/c I don’t believing in paying my way 50/50 in a relationship. I think a guy that likes you shouldn’t mind spending cash and it should be natural.
DY: That’s a tough one. Lemme put it this way: There are men who are fine with being the sole provider and paying for everything, and women who prefer those types of relationships should do want they can to date/marry those men. Thing is, while being taken care of financially is a plus, I think some women fail to realize that men who want to control all of the finances usually also want to control everything else—including your body. Again, if this works for you, fine. But just realize that for every person (man or woman), every “plus” has a corresponding “minus.”
Nina: If a man tells a woman he only wants to be friends… Why does he still show interest?
DY: Because saying “I don’t want a relationship and I want to be friends” is usually manspeak for “I want to continue to hit it as long as I can without you hating me. And, if you catch feelings, I want to always be able to come back and say “But…I said I didn’t want a relationship”
Shaleith: Ok I have a question….why can’t someone see that squandering away their money on unnecessary things when they have bills to pay is madness?
DY: “Why is the sky blue? Why is water wet? Why did Judas rat to Romans while Jesus slept?”
Candis: Why is it guys talk about doing something nice, like cook you dinner, or take you out. Then in the same breath say “and then screw your brains out” like that’s suppose to make me feel like a woman? Why do they mess up the vibe like that?
DY: Some guys suck at communication. And, when you suck at communication, you’re not very good at seduction. One thing you have to realize, though, is that for some women, hearing “I’m going to screw your brains out” turns them on even more. Perhaps that’s want he’s used to dealing with. Basically, it’s up to you to express to him that hearing things like that take you out of the mood. If you don’t tell him, how will he know?
Norca: I need a Valentine’s Day gift idea for my BF. He has everything already! Please help! Thanks!
DY: Experiences—tickets to a game, a personalized lap dance video, a weekend getaway, etc—never hurt. Neither does a steak and BJ.
Wanda: Steve Harvey suggests we make a man wait 6 months before giving him ‘the cookie’. Is a man going to wait that long, or is he just getting his cookies somewhere else while you make him wait? And is a woman who doesn’t make a man wait a keeper?
DY: I thought it was 90 days, not 180? Oh well. Anyway, if a guy really wants to be with you, it’s not going to matter how long he has to wait (or how quick it happens). Obviously, if you make someone wait 20 years (or give it up in 20 seconds), that’s probably not going to end well, but aside from staying away from extremes, there’s really no arbitrary set time on how long you should wait to sleep with a man.
The only clock you should be on is your own. Basically, ask yourself if you’re ready, and don’t do it unless you’re 100% sure your answer is yes.
Erica: Why do men want brownie points for what they as a MAN in the relationship are suppose to be doing in the first place? I understand appreciation but doing the bare minimum isn’t really doing anything at all.
DY: Doesn’t everyone strive for brownie points, though? Couldn’t you say the same thing about women who want praise for being independent? I agree that it’s annoying, but this isn’t a gender specific trait.
Adria: When do you think is the right time to introduce your child/ren to someone new that you are dating??
DY: Opinions vary about this, but I think the best (and safest) time to do this is after you’re sure he’s going to be in your life for an extended period of time.
Annissa: Why does a man say I still love u but clearly is messing with someone else??
DY: He still wants you to love him.
Kat: Is it smart to put a thriving career and making money over finding a man?
DY: I don’t know which one is “smarter,” but I do know that it’s dumb to think that you can;t have both. I mean, how are you going to have any luck finding a man if you can’t see because you need glasses and you don’t have glasses because you don’t have any money?
You’ve heard the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater,” but is it true? Or can people really learn and grow and break their past relationship habits?
In this video, over at YourTango.com author, dating coach and YourTango Expert Sheila Paxton addresses this very question.
Watch what she had to say in the video here.
Jennie is all torn up inside. She recently came to the realization that she’s in love. The guy she loves is perfect for her — he loves sports like she does, he’s considerate, kind and he even likes her parents. The trouble is that this guy doesn’t know she loves him. They’ve been close friends for years now. They have supported one another through bad relationships, job interviews, career successes and more. Now that they’re both single, Jennie is starting to realize that her feelings for him are more than just friends.
The other night, after they played a game of basketball together, she felt so attracted to him; she wanted to reach out and kiss him (and more). She stopped herself because she’s afraid of ruining their friendship if he doesn’t feel the same way. It happens quite frequently, actually. Two people get to know one another as friends. They enjoy hanging out together, confide in each other and rely on one another. This is great … until one of them decides that he or she wants more.
After that point, the person who has fallen in love with a friend needs to decide whether or not to tell the truth and/or act on those feelings. There is a chance that a wonderful and fulfilling love relationship could bloom from the friendship and that it could just happen naturally. However, there is also a chance that the attraction could be there — for both people — but neither one has the courage to admit it. This scenario leaves two friends hungering for more and afraid to do anything about it.
While some of the longest-lasting and closest love relationships are between people who are truly good friends first, taking that step from friends to romantic lovers can feel like a big and treacherous move to make.
Check out 3 tips to help you decide whether or not you should confess your love for your friend at YourTango.com.
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Kandice: I’m seeing a great guy but the emotional and physical chemistry are not there. I tried to explain it to him but he’s convinced that he can change my mind. Should I go ahead and end it or should i give it a shot to see what happens?
D.Y. How long have you been seeing him?
Kandice: 6 months. When we first met he was going thru a divorce so I purposely withheld feelings and told him there would be nothing physical. The divorce was finalized about 3 weeks ago and my feelings haven’t changed.
D.Y. Yeah, you need to leave that one alone. I mean, even if you were attracted to him, he doesn’t need to be seeing anyone right now anyway.