All Articles Tagged "jealousy"
With the ubiquity of loose women spreading their goods all around, and doggish men chasing every bone they can get, it can be hard to find a good companion and maintain a healthy relationship. But when you finally find that one; that man who makes you feel like you are the only woman in the world (not to be corny), one who erases the pain caused by all the guys you knew before him, you’re like a cop in a donut shop: happy as all hell! And boy, do some people hate to see you in relationship bliss…
They get in your ear, repeating rumors and telling you everything they heard your man did with this one, that one, and the third. But when one of those envy-filled, joy-snatching naysayers happens to be a friend, then things can get messy.You’d think that those closest to you would want nothing but the best for you. Well, unfortunately, it doesn’t always work out that way. So how can you tell if one of your best buds is also one of your top haters?
If everything that comes out of honey child’s mouth regarding your man is a negative remark, chances are, she’s jealous. Now I know our friends can be a little hard on the people we date in the beginning; throwing jabs, analyzing their behavior and doing everything they can possibly think of to test them out. But if your friend is always coming down on your beau for no good reason at all, then there’s something more than innocent good-friend motives possibly fueling her negativity. Just say his name and she’s rolling her eyes and her teeth, looking like her arch-nemesis just crashed her party. You can damn near feel her blood boil and see steam blowing from her ears. And when she’s dogging your relationship and/or your man to other people, it’s really clear that she has a problem. Yeah, it’s true that your friends will not always like who you date, and she may genuinely not like your man as a person. But he’s in a relationship with you, not her. And if she was a real friend, then she would hold her tongue and tame her animosity for the sake of your happiness.
But if you really want to know if your homegirl (or boy) is praying for your relationship’s downfall, observe her behavior the next time you’re around you’re boyfriend. Invite a group of friends over for a game night, or plan a fun get-together at your favorite restaurant or bar—whatever you do, make sure there is a group of people around so when you get into action with your boo, it’ll be less awkward and she won’t feel like a third wheel. Show your man a little extra love this night. Adorn him with kisses, squeeze him up—girl, just be all up in his face! In the midst of all the lovey-dovey moments, watch your friend’s reaction to all the action. If you catch glimpses of pure disgust (and not the usual get-a-room face), along with nasty looks and green eyes, then Bingo! You’ve caught her slippin’.
There’s no way to excuse it. If you’re with a good man who’s treating you right and everyone around you knows you’re happy, then there’s no way a genuine friend would be repulsed by your contentment. She should be happy that you’re happy, not shooting your man down, bad-mouthing him around town, or condemning your relationship. So if this sounds like someone you know, maybe you need to reconsider calling this person a friend.
Does your man think he’s in the clear just he doesn’t flirt with other women? There are plenty of ways guys can make their girlfriends jealous, that aren’t as obvious as texting an ex.
Out of nowhere I was the only one. I was the only one on the dance floor giving it my ALL and flaunting my empty ring finger (per the video) to Beyonce’s Single Ladies. I looked around and all my friends could no longer join me. Their ring fingers were occupied and a sad thought crossed my mind as I took down my hands from the “this is my jam” pose – am I the last of the Single Ladies?
It seemed like only yesterday we were reciting the same single woman struggle about not finding a good man or keeping one. Having good girlfriends as an adult is like living out the Babysitter’s Club but with wine. You feel like an invincible army clinging to each other for support and refuge. And yet one by one they’d started to drop off. Saturdays became date nights and Sundays for meeting the family. We’d long since retired our need for partying every weekend, but now even the times spent at the kitchen table eating carbs and discussing blog articles were few and far in between. I have multiple groups of friends like any adult and I would still argue 98% of my closest friends are taken, married, engaged or pregnant. Friends that were already busy are now filling in their free time with falling in love.
And then there’s me.
There’s a meme floating around that says “Everyone is discussing babies and marriage, I’m just over here like I LOVE cake.” It is incredibly appropriate. I understood just how sure my status as the last single friend was when I found myself on a Saturday “doing me.” Which really means I was on Youtube for 5 hours learning how to ombre, marble nail art, and turn a tshirt into a necklace. When all your friends are out falling in love, you pretty much have to find new hobbies. I’ve started at least 2 new workout plans and I may or may not know the choreography to Body Party like the back of my hand. Myself and I have gone on several movie dates and fancy dinners. I won’t even mention how many new natural hair styles I’ve tried. I found myself on the devil known as Facebook and had a mini meltdown.
I remember when we’d all been stuck in loving and losing. And now they’d loved and won. Yet somehow I missed that memo. I love my friends. I am happy for my friends. But was I jealous of my friends?
There’s an old episode of Girlfriends where Joan breaks down during Toni’s wedding. She could no longer hide that while happy for her friend, she was incredibly depressed about her own love life (or lack thereof). I feel her pain. It’s not jealousy that makes you congratulate another engagement and sigh a bit on the inside. I can be incredibly happy for you and consciously unsatisfied about my own love life.
As the last single woman you begin to wonder – when is my turn? I don’t want their happiness. I know they deserve joy given how many times I’ve held their hand when it’s gone wrong. I just want my own happy ending and it’s sometimes difficult to embrace the fact that chapter hasn’t started in my book yet. I’ve got enough sticky note empowerment quotes on my mirror to remind me that what is for me is for me and love will come someday. I guess no one ever mentioned how far away someday could feel.
Before the thoughts of being the cat lady consume me, I meet up with friends and hear tales of dirty diapers, bills, and discuss the difference between vanilla and mother-of-pearl colored napkins. When I hear the married/relationship struggles I remember this single life isn’t all bad. When I decide to get up and chop off my hair and move to Peru there’s nobody stopping me. No other feelings or schedules to consider. No fear that my dream may be compromised for the sake of his or the children. No, I get to live this life until the wheels fall off and maybe just maybe crash into love along the way. For now, I learn to congratulate my friends and sigh a little less on the inside. I breathe a sigh of relief and remember the grass isn’t always greener. Every stage of our life has new challenges and it’s important not to miss where you are thinking too hard about where you want to be.
In the meantime I thrust and shake my hips to the beat in my living room. When Queen Bey calls for all the single ladies I’ll be right there in line for now. Hands raised and waving like I’m on stage. Even if I’m the only one.
I remember the first time I ended a toxic relationship. I was completely elated. You couldn’t tell me nothing. After spending a little more than a year with this horrible guy, I felt like I was in a situation where I could finally heal, and like Nene, I was about to get my “happy back.” That was, until (when I was still a participant of Facebook) I signed into my account and saw that the ex that I thought I had blocked was in my suggested friends–him a picture of his new fiancee.
I was not only taken aback by the fact that he had a new girl, but why did I even care? This guy who was horrible to me, used me, lied to me, why did I care that he was with someone else? I knew I didn’t want him back. I was so sure of that, but why did I feel a certain way about it? So, I did what any confused person would do, I snooped. Saw the name of his financee and tried to see what her Facebook page said. I felt like Spongebob, ready to soak up as much information as I could and I probably looked extra goofy doing it. But, I was hit with a wall; her page could only be seen by confirmed friends. When I began to seriously consider sending her a friend request, I decided to have an intervention.
Meeting up with my friends in the lunch room I had to ask them, “What is wrong with me?”
Seeing an ex move on before you can be a very jarring experience. Those feelings that you had can come up like a shaken up soda can and then just mess up your current life. But that feeling is impacted the moment you think this toxic ex seems to be treating his new boo better than he did you.
That’s what I was dealing with. This was the same guy, who if people saw us together would say: ”Nah, that’s just my friend” has this girl in his profile pic, proclaiming her. What did I do that was wrong? Why did I get the short end of the stick? What did she do better than I did? What does she have that I don’t? The feelings of inadequacy were so strong. I already went through the harsh moments of beating myself up for staying with this guy for so long who did me so dirty; but then to feel like I was the starter relationship? The try out for how to be in a real relationship, and how far you can get with treating a girl badly?
Then it was that feeling of being duped and jealousy mixed together. No, I didn’t want him, but at the same time I felt like I held so tightly to the part of the gentleman that he was that first attracted me to him, that ended out to be just an act. Then to find out that his new girl was getting that same “gentleman,” but in a larger dose, killed me. I didn’t feel like I had ownership to him, but I mentally wanted to hold on to that, to remind myself that I might have been dumb for staying with him, but I wasn’t dumb for falling for him.
Once I began to question if I was worthy of real love that’s when I had to shut myself down. At the end, I know that even if he is with someone else, it’s better that we’re not together, and even if I had to physically write down the reasons why we shouldn’t have been together and put them on my mirror, that’s what I had to do. But I had to learn that I’m better than accepting what I was getting. Even if he’s with someone else, being by myself will always be better than romanticizing a dysfunctional relationship.
Kendra Koger is capable of loving her twitter account; and you should too, @kkoger.
No one goes into a relationship with the thought that they will fall out of love. But, in some relationships, love just doesn’t last a lifetime. While you may still care about the person you’re in a relationship with or were in a relationship with, looking at things now, you realize that the love you once had is gone. If you don’t understand why, here are a few likely reasons.
I never believe anyone who says, “I don’t have a jealous bone in my body.” Everyone has experienced some form of jealousy in life, whether it is amongst siblings, friends or even successful people we don’t know. Experiencing jealousy, however, does not make you a jealous person.
My sister-friend has been dating a guy for two months and it has been going great. So much so, she was pretty sure she was ready to take it to the next level with him. Two weeks ago, we were having lunch and she was constantly wondering what he was doing while he was out of town. If he took too long to return a text, she’d repeatedly check her messages and then ultimately send new text messages until he responded.
Four days ago, the guy suggested that they take a break after he caught her going through his phone following a night out where she’d questioned him about every woman to whom he spoke. Infidelity in my sister-friend’s past relationships was one part of the reason she was acting this way. The larger issue was that her insecurities were running rampant and because she really liked this guy she was afraid of losing him. Ironically, her own jealous actions lost him faster than another woman ever could.
Read more at Essence.com
Kelly Rowland is going there for her latest single, “Dirty Laundry.” In a heartfelt, slow tempo-ed ballad Rowland opens up about her bittersweet feelings about Beyonce’s success and enduring an abusive relationship.
In the first verse she explains how the Destiny’s Child split caused her to feel conflicted:
While my sister was on stage killin’ like a motherf–ker
I was enraged feelin’ it like a motherf–ker
Bird in the cage, you would never know what I was dealin’ with
Went our separate ways but I was happy she was killin’ it
Bitter sweet, she was up I was down
No lie I feel good for her, but what do I do now?
Wow! While we all could have guessed that Kelly was feeling a bit jealous, (It’s only a natural reaction to watching someone you grow up with reach the heights you’re trying to achieve in your own career.), we’d guess she’s had a conversation with Beyonce about all of this. Still, to put this out for public consumption took some real big lady balls. Then, as if that weren’t enough, she goes on to explain her psychologically and physically abusive relationship.
Meanwhile this N***a putting his hands on me
Swear ya’ll don’t know the half of this industry.
And it’s almost been a decade…
Kinda lucky I was in her shadow.
Phone call from my sister, what’s the matter?
She said “oh no baby, you gotta leave.”
I was mad at everybody. Yeah her… everybody.
Started to call them people on me. I was battered
He hitting the window like it was me, until it was shattered.
He pulled me out and said ‘Don’t nobody love you but me.’
Not yo mama, not ya daddy and especially not Bey.
He turned me against my sister, I missed her.
So intense. Now, you know we’re trying to figure out who was this man Kelly’s talking about. There are a couple of clues. When she says industry, does she mean music industry or just famous? Is she speaking about her ex fiancee? Somebody else she kept under wraps? She says it was almost a decade ago. Either way, he was one sick dude, attempting to mess with her head like that.
We could play this guessing game for weeks; but whoever this man is, we respect the fact that the 32 year old singer is lending her voice and image to the pervasive issue that is domestic violence. This song and her admissions just further prove that domestic violence is an issue women in all tax brackets and stature have the potential to experience this type of violence.
Check out the song in its entirety on the next page.
Death to Facebook and their invasive notifications! Seriously! Not too long ago, I was scrolling through my news feed and realized another one of my “friends” was engaged, and the comments kept rolling in.
“Ah man, I’m so happy for the both of you.”
“When’s the wedding? I better get an invite!”
The comments continued for God knows how long. So I did the polite thing, hit the “LIKE” button and kept it moving. I logged off and checked Instagram, and I was only two or three pictures in, and what do I see? Another college buddy of mine who posted pics of their wedding.
“You look gorgeous!”
“So proud of you two! Congrats again.”
“That dress is everything!”
By this point, I was scared to check Twitter because If I saw an I’m-expecting-my-first child-Tweet, I don’t think I would’ve been able to handle it!
I’m six years removed from college and I feel like I’m just getting started in a lot of aspects of my life. I’ve finally found my dream gig, working in the entertainment-media industry after years of trying to climb through the back window. But now that I’m finally here, folks are starting families and buying homes. It makes me wonder–Am I behind in life?
Read more on HelloBeautiful.com.
There is only one difference between the crazy girlfriend and the cool girlfriend: the crazy one says what’s on her mind all the time. But be real: we all have mean, rude, selfish, paranoid and even insane thoughts occasionally. The trick to a successful relationship is gaining control over those thoughts, and learning when to speak up and when to bite your tongue, count to ten, and let it pass.
A few years ago, I was invited to attend a promotional event that focused on African-American authors and relationships. The atmosphere was filled with laughter, intriguing conversation, and a number of single, attractive men and women. At about 9:30 p.m., an extremely handsome gentleman walked through the doors of the venue with his business partner and took a seat just as I was getting ready to speak about my book. Shortly after my presentation, the event ended and instantly turned into a “mix and mingle” networking session. As all of the authors and attendees engaged in conversation, I started gathering my things to head home.
Before I could finish putting my things away, the handsome gentleman made his way over to me and began what was his form of flattery. He began the conversation very casually and smoothly by complimenting my presentation and the concept of my book. He then shifted the conversation toward discussing several marketing strategies with me. Before long, we exchanged information. Shortly after our initial conversation, I contacted him to gather more information about marketing; and then soon after that we were emailing, calling, and texting each other almost every day to discuss everything but marketing. We repeated this pattern for about two to three weeks, and before I knew it, we were in an intense relationship. During the beginning stages of our relationship I was on the path of starting my writing career, so there were a number of events I was invited to attend to speak, book signings and invitations to provide commentary or other articles for various magazines, etc. So of course, while all of these wonderful things were happening to me, I shared them with my new significant other. Initially, he celebrated with me, but as more doors opened for me in my professional career, he seemed to be happy, but he expressed it differently.
While my then-mate congratulated me on my small victories, he would say things like, ‘Let me see what writing I can do for this magazine,’ or ‘you know how I do things…I spend my evening with stars and meeting all sorts of people,’ so on and so on. It also seemed as though every time I shared something with him, he would say what he was going to do next, or what he was planning to do. Initially, this didn’t bother me because I simply thought he was sharing his small victories and plans with me, but as time went on and he consistently mentioned all of his victories to me, I noticed how his attitude towards my success changed. He suddenly became disinterested in hearing about my accomplishments (not that I shared all of them or threw them in his face), if he couldn’t make it to an event he wouldn’t ask me how things went, and if he did ask about the event he would say things that were demeaning and discouraging. As I started noticing these changes, I thought I was being overly sensitive to the fact that he wasn’t as interested and excited about my small victories as I was, so I gave it some more time and more observation of his character; and sure enough I was right…he was trying to compete with me.
Did he openly admit that we were in a competition…no; but the signs were all there. He wouldn’t celebrate with me as much, nor would he even try to motivate me as he once did, amongst other things. I initally thought to myself, maybe he’s intimidated by me, or maybe he just wants to focus in more on his career because as my career grew, I noticed that he worked hard at getting his career off the ground and stable. Who knows? But at that time in my life I felt as though I was involved in a miniature battle of the sexes, and I hope this never happens again because when I’m in a relationship, I want to motivate my mate to do better and support him wholeheartedly, but I want and deserve the same in return. I once heard someone say that some men are intimidated by strong or successful women, and I often thought that that was the case with my then mate; but then I realized that if a man is truly a man he will not be intimidated by any woman. Whether he is as successful as she is or not, if he is a real man he will be secure in who he is and who he’s not, what he has and what he doesn’t.
How may relationships have you been involved in that turned into a competition?