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Jealousy in a relationship

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Hello Ashley

I am really seeking advice from you on threesomes.

My man introduced me to threesomes last November and I was intrigued about receiving oral sex from a woman, but I struggle with watching my man penetrate another woman. I also ended up with Bacterial Vaginosis for my very first time after this encounter, so I almost felt like the universe was punishing me for partaking in this lol! How do I deal with seeing my boyfriend inside another woman?  I low key feel selfish for not wanting him to have that pleasure in the act too, lol! Should you have rules in place for the things you both could or couldn’t do in threesomes? I told him that protection is a must every time to protect my yoni and us in general. He feels that kissing is more intimate and reserves that only for me.

I just feel so conflicted with this topic, I would really just love to hear your advice and perspective on it. I know that I enjoyed it and often fantasize about it happening again. I know that we both enjoy the pleasure we get out of it, I think I just have to get over my abandonment issues of the past (33 year old single mom) and know that he loves me and isn’t going anywhere.

Any advice you could give please would be so helpful. 

 

Hey Girl Hey, 

First let me say, it’s normal to have some jealousy in a threesome or any type of open relationship that involves other people besides the original couple. You’re human those feelings are normal, however, one has to work through these feelings if having a threesome is indeed what you want to do, but I’m not so sure this is the issue. Hear me out, if you know you struggle with the idea of your man having sex with another woman why even agree to a threesome? My first advice to any woman considering a threesomes is that you need to be sexual attracted to women and secondly you have to be okay with the possibility of your partner engaging in sex with the other person in front of you. I think a lot of people get into threesomes for the wrong reasons, you can not do something like this to please a partner or because you’re trying to fix something in your relationship. Whenever you are engaging in a sexual experience it needs to be something that you want to do; something that you are okay with doing. To me, it seems as though yes you may be intrigued and you say you enjoyed it but it seems like you had more fun with the girl on girl experience and really just want to explore that more. If this is true, it may be time to reevaluate what you want, because you can have a girl on girl experience without the threesome. 

Also, getting Bacteria Vaginosis has absolutely nothing to do with God punishing you and everything to do with your PH balance being thrown off. I’m going to hope and pray that you guys use condoms, yall did use condoms, right? And I’m going to also assume that since you brought it up you’ve not had an issue with BV in the past with your man, so that leaves me to think it was brought about because there was a new person in the mix.  This is not to imply that she is some dirty bih or anything because something as simple as spit can change a woman’s PH balance. In the future use dental dams for oral and condoms for penetration and this should fix the problem.   

Lastly, couples need to have conversations about what is and what isn’t okay when engaging in threesomes. Set boundaries and rules that you both agree to. Also, note that its okay if your mind changes, people don’t know what they don’t know. A lot of times people go into these situations thinking they want something until they actually experience it and realize it’s not their cup of tea. It seems to me you are having trouble with wanting a threesome because it’s not really your cup of tea and that’s ok. Now that you know that you’re not comfortable my question still is why would you continue at this point?  Have a conversation with your man, be honest, don’t give in to just make him happy. If you personally only want to have a girl on girl experience you can have that outside of him just be honest and stop doing something you are not comfortable with.

Ashley Cobb isn’t a sex blogger, not solely a sex educator. She’s a sex influencer, that brings the conversation of Black women’s pleasure to the forefront and across generational lines.

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