Light Skinned Women: Let Go of the Guilt

November 7th, 2011 - By Brande Victorian

Light-Skinned vs. Dark Skinned Black Women
I’m single just like plenty of other light-skinned women who have trouble finding a mate. I’ve been discriminated against professionally for being what white people can clearly see I am—black. And I’ve been told I was too light-skinned to wear certain shades of makeup or even Halloween costumes.

I’m not about to go on some tragic mulatto tangent because it’s obvious darker-skinned women bear the brunt of the color cross, but that doesn’t mean all light skinned women play into the paper bag wars. It’s this sensitivity to color struck individuals that allows me to take these insults on the chin. It prevents me from making retaliating comments about dark skin even jokingly. It makes me uneasy when writing about whether darker skinned women are affected by something more than others. I don’t think skin tone is an issue lighter-skinned women should ever neglect to be
mindful of until the prejudices against darker-skinned women have been eliminated, but bearing a burden of guilt for being light-skinned is just as unhealthy as hating yourself for being dark.

I’m not dumb enough to think I’m better than anyone else for being a lighter hue and that frees me from any guilt anyone could possibly think about passing on to me.

Have others tried to make you feel guilty for your skin tone or do you inherently feel guilt for being a lighter shade? How do you deal with these individuals or your internal self?

Brande VictorianBrande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

 

 

 

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  • sage

    You guys are saying the women who wrote this article is not light-skinned? What are you talking about. This woman (at least from her picture) is lighter than I am, and mostly everyone I know considers me light-skinned. Why are you trying to make her something else…I don’t get it. She has on make-up, and it looks pretty thick to me. I’ve seen Alicia Keys look the same color as she does …after applying make-up and bronzer. Alicia and Beyonce wear bronzers., The bronze look is IN in Hollywood. Dark girls are lightened up with lightener creams/foundations and light girls are darkened with bronzer creams/foundations. I swear Alicia Keys was the same complexion as this woman (author). All make-up / bronzers. I thought you guys knew better, but I see some of you don’t. This girl is light

  • http://www.facebook.com/gwen.parker.771 Gwen Parker

    Who is she she’s beautiful

  • Momo

    That’s so true! I’m brown skinned but I have members of my family who are dark skinned and some who are light skinned. Something I find stupid sometimes about what black ppl do is that they always get mad when anyone other than black discriminates against us but then they r doing the same thing in our own communities! It’s so stupid! That’s one of the reasons ppl think blacks r ignorant. Stupid stuff like that.

  • Opinionated4Days

    Try being ‘light-skinned’ AND petite! You’ll really see what ignorant envy tastes like! It’s to the point where I won’t even eat around certain females.  It’s hard to savor my dish with gusto while being glared at with “I guess you CANNN eat all dat….cuz you so skinny. I used to be yo’ size”.  The crystal-clear resentment is evident. “They” don’t understand how a mother of 2 over 30 can retain such a figure, and I’m tired of damn near having to apologize for having a waistline and cheekbones.  Having moved from ‘the Northern East Coast’ to the South….the color comments make me wanna scream. Oh well. “Some day we’ll all be free”.

  • http://twitter.com/Kyhottentote KyrstaleSAVAGE

    small mindd ppl dividd we fall for dis mess… 

  • Eyeznthighz1

    Well put my sister!

  • Guest

    Point #1 The author is NOT “light-skinned.” (To the person attempting to start a debate about who is qualified to classify one as being dark or light-skinned… Puh-lease. Save it for a black studies class. I’m sure it’s possible to ramble on about that for at least 10 to 20 pages. Let’s keep it all the way real. Are we unqualified to classify India Arie as dark-skinned? Am I not allowed to say Alicia Keys is light-skinned? The fact is that WE DO categorize people based on skin tone. Period.)

    Point #2 The. author. Is. Not. Light. Skinned. 
    I couldn’t even finish or see past the fact that she is NOT even a little bit in the same spectrum as the women she is claiming to share the same experiences with. And the person who said she has “wavy hair…” Please have a seat. Plenty of us REAL redbone, Chico, El, Bunny DeBarge LIGHT BRIGHT people do NOT have “wavy” hair. IG-Nant. Straight up. 

    Faith Evans. Light Skinned. Fantasia. Not. Both beautiful black women in their own right. But also different shades of black… Mmm Kay..? Thanks. 

    I’m disappointed. 

  • Bb_stacker_ao

    Puerto Rico probably had the worst case of this out of any place I’ve ever lived and it’s all stupid. Racism and prejudice to lighter skin tones is just such backward thinking now. There’s a black President now and until Cains past transgressions came back to haunt him it looked like another one was a great possibility. It’s time people allowed themselves to move on because nobody is holding anyone back. I look at it as I have to have something positive going on if I have haters. But while they are busy hating I will keep advancing. I’m comfy with me. You gotta be comfy being you.

  • Sydster

    So all light-skinned people have “the wavy hair”? The author and I are the same hue–she’s “light” brown skinned.

  • Fadzayi Chambati

    I’m sorry but you looking for sympathy at the wrong address! As black people we have dealt with discrimination since the stone age, you have to rise above it and not give it power because the more you highlight it the bigger a deal you make of it and the more it becomes a reality.  If you identify yourself as black then you are black no matter what your skin tone is so do you and quit whining about it sheeeesh!!

    • MNM116

      She isn’t looking for sympathy.

  • Fadzayi Chambati

    I agree!! I live in South Africa and there are people wayyyy lighter than this chick here!

  • guess who

    ya’ll are cray cray

  • Hhhgg

    This is stupid

  • Bb_stacker_ao

    Since when is commenting on broken homes etc. a racial issue? You know when this petty stuff becomes a racial issue? When you unnecessarily refer to it as one. I also love the fact that your lighter skin tone has to be because of a rapist “Massa” or Cherokee who had to have had his way with a predecessor of yours. No way it could have been by choice? Seems like the problems you have are caused by insecurity and feelings of inadequacy. Don’t blame other folks for that. Self love starts with you.

    • naada

      Because most people in the antebellum south and shortly after the civil war were not willingly engaging whites in intimate sexual relationships. By making that statement the author was not commenting on the .000001 where there was genuine love between a black man/woman in the deep south in the late 1800′s.  She is not excluding that just stating what is known to be true. Broken homes not racial issues?  Not in and of themselves but within our community, they SEEM to roots in the collective disenfranchisement of our people along with generational curses and self deprecation.  I have met the author on a few occasions and yes….she is what we would consider to be typically light skinned(although not the lightest I’ve met), with all the trappings, light eyes and wavy hair.   Who of us doesn’t battle insecurity at times and to be black in this culture and striving for success, the road is fraught with dealing with insecurities and inadequacy. Not being undone by them or feigning some pompous over-the top bad girls club ego that is nothing BUT insecurity…that’s the trick…………TRICK!!

  • Johanna

    This is a stupid article. What guilt do “light-skin” women need to let go of? Articles like this are reasons why white people are so far ahead of black people.

    • MNM116

      I see your point, but some people do try to make light-skinned women feel bad simply for being light.   This article is pretty much telling us that we shouldn’t feel guilty because of the way we look and the color of our skin.   It is not stupid.   Some people will try to wreck a light-skinned woman’s self-esteem because of their own insecurities.   I believe it’s worth talking about…even though this is a classic debate that never ends.   

      People always talk about how colorism affects dark-skinned women, but rarely is a light-skinned woman ever allowed to speak her mind on this issue.   We tend to stay silent because people don’t listen…they simply assume that life is wonderful when you have light skin. 

      I wouldn’t consider the author to be light-skinned, judging by her picture, but I think that she made some valid points.  Maybe some people perceive her as having light skin and they treat her accordingly.   I know how that feels.  

  • Aries281977

    For those who are saying she is not light skinned; I don’t WA know what looking glass y’all are peering through. She is definitely not dark skinned or brown skinned. She has the wavy hair. She is not as light as they come. But if she said she was biracial. I would not argue with her.

  • Kxcarp

    What’s the worst is when this nonsense is perpetuated within a family! Its a bad feeling even if they are “just playing.” There are 16 shades of black (people) and I love them ALL!

    • MNM116

      I agree…it is very hurtful when your own family does that.  I married a white man and I fit in more with his family than I do with my own.   They don’t belittle me because of my skin color.   It’s pretty much the same as theirs.  When I’m around most black people, I feel like I’m being judged immediately on the basis of my skin and hair.    Some racist white people do it too, but it hurts more when it comes from my own people.  

      Black people are beautiful, whether light or dark or somewhere in the middle.   I just hate this mentality that keeps us all divided.   We all bleed red.

  • reese

    I don’t get what she is feeling guilty about.   I really don’t.

  • Prissy

    Because you YELLOW women are WINNING! Dark/Brown women can be with someone for damn near a year and a YELLOW ass woman can take him just like that! Yall are more desired and wanted. No matter what, at the end of the day YELLOW women are always going to be WINNING. I HATE when they act like they have problems because THEY are lighter than some of us. GTFOH. WHo complains about being wanted and desired?? SHUT THE HELL up . 

    • :)

      tragic.

    • MNM116

      What, pray tell, are light-skinned women “winning”?   Life is not a competition, honey.   It sounds like a light-skinned woman took your man.   You’re obviously still bitter about it.  Cry me a river.   Don’t assume that ALL light-skinned women have perfect lives or that we always get whatever we want.   Some of us have problems that you can’t imagine, but we continue to carry on despite the pain.

      Life is what YOU make it.   Don’t be mad at light-skinned women because your life is not the way you want it to be.   If you want a good man, then pick up your self-esteem and learn to love yourself first.   My heart has been broken too…but I don’t project my issues onto other people because of the color of their skin.

      I’m sure you are a beautiful woman, but ranting about light-skinned “yellow” women makes you look ignorant.   You remind me of all the people who have taken their hatred out on me for being light-skinned.   This anger is misplaced and it is also very unhealthy.    Some men prefer light-skinned women.   It is what it is.   

      All this time spent hating light-skinned women could be more productively spent on finding somebody who loves you for who you are.   There are men out there who love dark-skinned women, including men of other races.     Maybe you need to work on your attitude and your self-esteem so you can attract the right person into your life.   That seems to be the problem…not the color of your skin.  

      I’ve been rejected by men too.   It hurts, but I decided not to complain about it anymore.   That’s life.   Be the best you can be and then start seeing yourself as a “winner”.  

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