The Realities Of Dating Someone Well Endowed
There is a group of women out there dealing with the same thing, privately tackling the same situation behind closed doors, and secretly enjoying and marveling at this one phenomenon that they just aren’t talking about: dating a man who is very well endowed. If you’re one of these women, you probably want to yell about the jackpot you hit from the rooftops, but you don’t want to make your friends with less-endowed partners feel bad. You also could probably use a little help figuring how to, well, work that thing. This is new territory for you and it requires a different skill set. And finally, you’re probably wondering if every other woman dating a man with a big member is facing the same experiences. They are. Here are the funny realities of dating a man who is very well endowed.
You feel like a boss buying magnums
You finally love buying condoms. You see everybody eyeing that box of Magnums. You know the women and the men are jealous. Everybody looking at you is thinking, “She’s in for a fun night.” Oh, and the creepy guy who was going to hit on you thinks otherwise because he knows he can’t stand up to that.
Blowjobs are tricky
You’ve gotten lockjaw quite a few times trying to get your mouth around that thing. If he’s well-endowed in the length department, well, you’ve found yourself with what you thought was a mouth-full, but realized half of his penis was still outside your mouth.
In retrospect, everyone else looked…funny
Sometimes you find yourself looking at your partner’s member, and then pulling up visuals off your ex-boyfriend’s members and putting them next to his, comparing. The other men’s’ almost looked like cute toys in comparison.
You need way more lube
Lube has become a real expense in your household. You could use all the help you can get preparing yourself down there for sex. You’re going through nearly a quarter of a bottle per session in the sack at this point. You’re probably just going to get the Costco tub finally.
And way more foreplay
Every time your partner thinks you’re ready for penetration, you have to stop him and say, “Not yet.” Then the next time he thinks you’re ready, you have to stop him again and say, “Not yet.” You’re putting that man to work in the oral and foreplay department.
Swimming with friends is awkward
You know when your partner gets out of the pool all wet, with his swimsuit suctioned to his body, that everybody is looking. Part of you wants to run over to him and cover him with a towel, and part of you hopes people are looking—and are jealous.
You thought it was enlarged when it wasn’t
There have been many, many times when you looked at his penis, assumed it was already erect, due to the size, and thought, “Okay. I can work with this.” And then a few minutes later you realized it wasn’t even close to erect before. Gulp.
Hand jobs are a real workout
You don’t need to buy a Shake Weight when you have a well-endowed partner. Giving him a hand job leaves your forearms sore. Oh, and the reverse cowgirl position is like doing mini squats at rapid speed.
You see other women looking
You know other women can see the shape of his penis through his pants. You see them look at that, then look at you. You see the question come across their face, “Can you handle that?”
You tell him, but wonder if he believes you
You try to tell your partner just how big he is, but since he is a straight man, he hasn’t seen many penises in his lifetime so he doesn’t have anything to compare it to. Furthermore, he knows women often say that even when it isn’t true, so he doesn’t entirely believe you. If only he knew.
You need to trim your nails
With past partners, you could keep your nails long—your fingers wrapped all the way around their members so there was no worry of scratching them. But your fingers don’t even come close to wrapping around this guy’s junk, so you’ve had to reconsider your manicure style.
You think he’s in; he’s not
Every time you have sex, just when you think he’s all the way in, you realize he’s only halfway in. That’s when you need to ask him to pause for a second so you can take a deep breath, maybe switch positions, and ask for more foreplay.
You want to brag
Of course, you do! When you and your friends are at brunch, and everyone is sharing stories of their hot hookups, you just want to yell, “I see your sex-in-the-hot-tub and raise you a my man has a huge penis.” You kind of want to dramatically wipe all the mimosas off the table and toss a photo of your man’s member on the table, just to hear the gasps.
You’re amazed he isn’t cockier
You’re amazed your partner doesn’t have a much larger ego and doesn’t act like he’s better than everyone else when he walks around knowing that huge dick is swinging between his legs. In fact, you admire the fact that he isn’t cocky about it. Pun intended.
You’re surprised by the proportions
It’s not always the super tall or super shredded men who have huge penises. Sometimes you look at his body and just don’t understand how a penis of that size grew on a body of that size. I mean, it’s larger than one of his feet.