Six Signs You May Be Forcing A Relationship

27 Comments
October 28, 2011 ‐ By Erica R. Williams

I’ve learned one important rule of thumb when it comes to relationships: assume nothing. If he hasn’t told you, or most importantly shown you, that he loves you, don’t assume he does. If he hasn’t mentioned a future with you, don’t assume that the two of you will get married, have kids, and live happily ever after. More importantly, if you are the one developing or creating the relationship don’t assume that he actually wants to be in it.

Sometimes it can be quite difficult to not force something when we want it badly; but forcing someone to be in a relationship or love you is a recipe for total disaster. Surprisingly, some people don’t even realize when they’re forcing love. They go through the motions, making excuses for why the other person isn’t reciprocating their actions. The reality is if you are always on the giving in of love and never receiving it, it may not exist in the other person.

Consider these six signs to ensure that you’re not forcing love or a relationship that either doesn’t exist or simply isn’t meant to be.

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  • SuiteSOULbrotha

    I think it is okay to date for a year or two but both parties should set parameters and goals for the intended relationship. If one partner is not living up to those expectations then just like with anything else in life, like buying and renting homes or having a job, that person should be fired or terminated.

  • tjharrison

    When men fall, they fall hard.  If they want a woman, they will lay seige to her.  In short, if he’s into you, you’ll know it (and that includes the shy ones).  The article articulates these home truths well. 

  • Femi

    I agree with all what you point out, however i am a guy and i am doing all what you said to a lady, so are you saying that i am forcing a relationship? Or would you tell us ways to know she’s doesn’t want commitments?

  • L-Boogie

    Agree! Done it before never again!

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  • Maia

    Wow, that article really describes me. I feel sooo stupid now. Guess I needed to read that

    • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

      @Maia….don't feel stupid most of us has been through similiar experiences. The important thing is to look at it as a part of your life that made you wiser and more stronger. Part of life is about experiences and how you handle the future. You want to grow as a person not be stagnant.

  • homie

    Men are very smart and if he truly likes you–
    you will know. Some men just like attention
    especially if they aren't used to it. Nothing can be
    forced.

  • http://lala@yahoo.com bothsides

    These are not all signs that a reltionship is not working. We can not categorize men by certain signs that pop up because all men are not the same. Sometimes we need to take the time in understanding what is really going on in our mans head and if there is another thing that is effecting their mind site. As a psychologist, it is shame that some weak minded woman let blogs and articles reflect and formulate their opinion. Both genders are hard to understand, but we should not be treated or treat men as test lab dummies searching for signs. As women we get selfish and do not realize how are men may have to devote their energy to other things they desire such as school, work ambitions, family etc. We have to take this into considerations. Relationships are working progresses and there will be humps to overcome. When you overcome challenges it makes it that much better. Let’s get it together woman and use our mind and not rely on stories to generate an opinion. Love you all

    • MovingOn

      Thank You! I agree totally and am glad someone with a different perspective decided to comment.

    • lola_uk

      "As a Psychologist…"
      I don't believe for ONE second that you are a Psychologist!
      First, you say that "all men are not the same" then you go on to say that "as women we get selfish…", are all women the same?
      Secondly, I'm not the grammar police but, "relationships are working progresses"- I think you mean "work in progress"
      And lastly, the overall tone of your comment is extremely condescending and lacks maturity; it seems that you may need to re-read the article because you sound like you are in denial.
      all the best.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001373256291 Beverly Pearson

      "You don't need a psychologist or a rocket scienctist to tell you when a man or woman are in love with you". "Your intuition is going to tell you,you know when something isn't right". "Some people don't want to recognize those red flags give women some credit we are not dummies". "When your immature as we all have been you learn from your mistakes". "It's not about being weak minded, it's about a subject that we all might be able to relate too and conversating,we don't know everything".

      • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

        @BeverlyPearson….Ok I thought it was just me because I did not understand why a woman was labeled "weak-minded"…….Thank you for pointing this out also.

    • http://twitter.com/DarkCarmel @DarkCarmel

      I don't understand why you refer to a woman being weak minded because she give an opinion about an article? or maybe I am missing your point. Its very clear like you stated that these are not the only signs that a relationship is not healthy nor progressing as the parties may like it to be. But I do think signs (whether good or bad) should not be taken lightly because they give us some form of clues as to whether or not to continue to invest in a relationship. Of course no relationship is perfect and will go smoothly there will always be challenges to face. I believe that is why both parties need to be on the same page (and that is where the challenge come in). JMO

  • cheyenne

    wow is all i can say this article is so true smh i really needed to read this

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  • guest

    I wish such an article was around a few years ago! It would have spared me a lot of heartache and wasted time.

    • http://twitter.com/zeze67 Proud being Egyptian

      never 4ever censure urself more than it bears n try to stand steadily to overcome both of 0disluck and the fate because u can write it by urself n ur strong ,unbreakable will…that u r n it must be taken such way…seize ur hopes ,ambitions and wishes all by force.

  • Khia

    This is a great article, everything is right on point, i was guilty of initiating the communication most of the time, i was head over heels for this man, and i look back and saw all my wrong doings, and he just wasn`t that into me. I learned from my mistakes and i could have saved my self from the heartache and disapointment

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001373256291 Beverly Pearson

    "If you have to force someone to be in a relationship with you, it's heading for an end". "Your partner is only waiting to find someone else and holding on to you until he find the one he loves"! "You can't fix something that's already broken let them go and over time you will feel better and you will be much happier"! "I agree with all the statements on this post".

  • Jess

    I agree with all these points..right on!

  • Being real…

    If one person has to do 95%of everything, it's totally unfair… either a person wants to be with you or they don't, simple as that. If they don't, the hell with it… save yourself the added headache,drop them and move on…. forcing/pushing the issue only leads to disappointment.

    • Roberta

      True

  • MsknowItall

    I agree you should not have to put so much work for love or to maintain a relationship. It should be a mutual exchange of feelings and the love should come naturally, which only happens when both people are in a relationship because they want each other and care about each other and both have similar goals and want the relationship to grow stronger. These are clear signs its not meant be.

    • Sundoulos

      The only part I disagree about is putting work into a relationship (especially if you love that person), but it has to come from both sides. What should make it "easy" or not a problem to do is the fact that you love the person, they love you & you are willing to do whatever it takes to stay together & make it work. There is a reason that love stories or movies end; they let you use your imagination on what you think may have happened, but more problems met them offscreen, they just didn't have time to show you all of them. Whether you force a relationship or not, either one of them takes work, compromise & sacrifice (coming from a man who married a woman he deeply loves almost seven years ago & has been with for almost 10 years)….

  • Soulsista

    The story of my past life and my reasons for letting him go. It just felt forced, he fell out of love but did not want to admit it, maybe he thought it will hurt my feelings…