Why Some Women Find It Hard to Love Themselves

February 17, 2011  |  

Lola Adesioye, Motivational Speaker

Lola Adesioye is a British-born Nigerian who’s known for her work in music and media…promoting artists like Sean Paul and Missy Elliott. She works as a commentator, writer and broadcaster, who’s written for The Guardian, The Economist, The Huffington Post, TIME magazine, and CNN.com to name a few. Her first motivational/inspirational book was released in February and is called
Focus Your Thoughts, Change Your Life.
We sat down with motivational speaker, Lola Adesioye to explore a series of pressing questions among women. In Part I below, we focus on why it’s so darn difficult for some women to love themselves!

China: What causes women, in general, to lack inspiration and/or self-confidence?

Lola: Even though we are supposedly equal to men, there are still so many messages that undermine who we are as women – messages about how we are supposed to look and how tall we should be or how thin we should be, or what it means to be a woman today and so on. It is easy to absorb these without even being aware of it. Look at the cover of any magazine and you’d think that being a woman was all about being a certain size, airbrushed, no blemishes, perfect teeth, perfect hair and so on. That is a hard standard to live up to – even the women on those magazine covers do not look like that all the time. And, when they are not looking amazing, some gossip magazine is pointing out the cellulite on their thighs or the one spot on their face. Nowhere do I see the message that says ‘you are perfect as you are’. Self-confidence is ultimately about accepting yourself as you are, and I think in general in our world, that perspective is lacking.

China: What are some of the self-image issues plaguing women, and how should they deal with those?

Lola: The main one I find seems to be “I’m not good enough.” This is something I have dealt with too and it seems to be common to most women in one way or another. I don’t know if I’ve ever met a woman who is totally at peace with who she is and how she is right now. I can think of perhaps one or two. This manifests, destructively, in how women feel about their looks or hair or bodies or careers or relationships – there’s just this constant dissatisfaction with oneself. It’s very pervasive though and is almost seen as normal.

How to deal with it…. Well, it first of all requires us to develop a knowledge of who we are in our essence. Too many of us believe that we are our job or our looks or some external thing. This provokes fear because anything external is also changeable. Your looks will change, your body will change, your hair will change, your job will change, your relationship will change. We have to come to know ourselves beyond our [external] identity because none of those things are who we are. Those are things we have. This means [we have] to tap into who we are in our essence, to start ask some soul-searching questions like “who am I really?” Who we all really are goes way beyond the physical or the external or even the visible, and when we tap into that – when we know that we are a life force – and that our bodies/appearance/jobs/cars e.t.c. are all just physical manifestations and vessels for the expression of that life force, [much of our insecurities] can start to fall away.

Stay tuned tomorrow for Part II of our motivational speaker series with Lola Adesioye. For more information about her e-book, feel free to visit her online store at: www.LolaAdesioye.com/Store.

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