The Rules Of Being Friends With The Opposite Gender

April 2, 2013 ‐ By Julia Austin


Being friends with the opposite sex isn’t impossible. But, just because of pure human nature, there are ingrained systems, thoughts, and impulses within that can make male-female friendships often confusing. So, here are a few guidelines to help you navigate these muddy waters.

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  • Jessica Murlock

    Funny, my best friend who happens to be a guy, is someone I consider my surrogate boyfriend, and we have a fantastic relationship! There are a few reasons why I choose not to date, the number one being that I don’t need a boyfriend in my life to make me feel happy or complete. A lot of guys that have shown interest are only after one thing, and it’s not a meaningful relationship. They believe that because I’m single, I’m desperate enough to date ANYONE. I’m not. I’m perfectly content on my own. I suppose the article is sort of right in saying a surrogate boyfriend will make you feel like not dating (which the author makes it seem as though the worst thing a woman could do is not date or have a boyfriend) but here’s the reason why: My best friend is a wonderful human being. He genuinely listens and let’s me go off on tangents/rants if I need to and doesn’t complain. He treats me with respect, and more importantly as his equal. We can text each other all night until the sun rises about anything and have fun doing so. We have in-depth, intellectual conversations about every topic. He doesn’t see me as nothing more than a sexual object like a lot of men do. And because of this, I do judge other guys and compare them to him. It saves me a lot of trouble because I know that I don’t have to lower my standards or accept anything less than the utmost respect I deserve. If other men can’t treat me as their equal or a human being rather than a sexualized piece of meat, then they’re not worth my time!

    To say as the author seems to imply from this entire article, that all men only want sex and will fake friendship to get it and all women are too stupid to realize this, is doing a huge discredit to women like me and the men out there that are like my best friend.

    • Rwatkins

      This guy must be gay…..and I’m not judging or even care about someone’s personal choices but for you both to have the type of relationship you’ve described, there’s no reason for you to just be friends. When you’re comparing people to him, that means you’ll never find someone better than him to date. And if you do, how will this current “best friend” fit into your relationship with another man? You’ll have to cut this guy loose or really change the type of relationship you have with him in order to make a relationship with someone else work. It really is wonderful to have a good friend of the opposite sex but the way you described it, you’re in love with this guy and only fooling yourself.

  • Steam powered snail

    Wow, I didn’t know there were so many rules to be friends with someone of the opposite sex. My one rule is don’t do any thing you’d not be comfortable with with a friend of the same gender as you. With that being said, my my most trusted friend is an absolutely gorgeous woman more than 10 years my junior (I’m in my 30’s, tall, fit and generally considered “good looking” by, and could easily date younger women) and we have violated about all of your “rules.” We know that we are friends, and even with back rubs, comfort cuddles, long tear filled nights over our own relationship failures, many dinners alone, a few very drunken nights, and even living in the same house, there has never been an inkling of sexual interest between the two of us. Maybe the readers (or authors) on this site simply don’t have the emotional or sexual maturity to not need to build huge synthetic boundaries. We never had to discuss “the friend zone” early in our friendship, even when we first met, we were meant to be friends. This is an article how to make sure you don’t become friends with guys, it’s an article about keeping fall back guys on the right length chain. Sad article madam noire, sad article.

    • Rwatkins

      If you have a woman who you can give and receive back rubs, comfort cuddles, long tear filled nights over relationship failures, dinners alone, a few very drunken nights, and even living in the same house, then good for you. But, that’s not typical and you know that. Most women wouldn’t allow their male friend to give them a back rub unless they’re really, really close with that person and if you’re that close, you can be closer. All it takes is a little effort. There’s some circumstances going on here that you haven’t shared that turned you guys towards this kind of behavior. But it’s not typical of most male/female “friendships”. Let her give you a “chest” rub while wearing nothing but underwear and see what happens; then write us back. Be honest though; need blow by details. No pun intended.

  • Akiko

    “Men need clear lines. And remember: they’re men. They have romantic and sexual ADD”

    Not, they do not. They just choose to ignore what is not in their favor.

  • Tonyoardee

    Absolutely no friendships with exes.. its just toxic

  • Keisha Samoht

    before i start is one not to tease them into like wanting to be in a relationship (dating) when u know da*m well u dont want 1?

    • Keisha Samoht

      so… 10, 12, n 14 would fit…