Girl, Be For Real…You Want A Baby? 10 Signs He Should Not Be The Father! - Page 8

So you’ve been seeing this great guy for a few months and things seem to be getting serious. You start scribbling his last name with your first name (do people still do that?), envisioning your wedding day and picturing him cutting the umbilical cord. It’s only natural that if you want to get married one day you’ll eventually start sizing up your partner to see what kind of husband or father he’d make.  While his little quirks might be cute when you’re dating, those same character traits might be red flags when determining if he’d make a good father to your child. For some, these may not be deal breakers and who knows if a man will change once faced with the responsibility of fatherhood. However, be careful not to overlook these characteristics if you’re thinking of making him your child’s father one day.

1. He Doesn’t Follow Through…On ANYTHING

Is he the type of guy to start a project, only to abandon it a week or two later? He wanted to learn Mandarin (yes, Mandarin), copped the Rosetta Stone and now he’s over it. He joined the gym, but never goes and is actually gaining weight. He started his own business only to quit once the novelty of it wore off and the real work set in. See where I’m going with this one? Face it, this guy may have the best intentions, but children are work and he can’t give up when it gets to be too much. Even if he sticks around, you’ll still be raising this baby by yourself, so if he has no follow through, keep yourself protected.

2. He’s Selfish

This isn’t necessarily a “bad” thing. There is nothing wrong with a guy wanting to sleep in, spend his money on clothes and video games and choose to hang out with his buddies over play dates. That doesn’t mean he won’t be a good father one day; it may simply mean that he’s not ready to give up the comforts of being childless yet. Now, if he has a “me” mentality in general where no one else can be the center of the universe but him, you might want to take a step back to see if his ego would take a hit if he’s suddenly forced to play second fiddle to a baby. Once a baby enters the picture, it becomes the center of the universe. Period. If your man always wants ALL of your attention to be focused on him at all times, he may still be a tad selfish…and isn’t ready for fatherhood yet.

3. He’s Impatient

Some folks learn patience once they become parents, but if your man has a severe case of road rage or he snaps at the waiter for getting his order wrong, he might be a bit TOO impatient for fatherhood. Patience isn’t just a virtue, it’s a necessity when dealing with children – especially babies who can’t communicate or express themselves clearly. It’s when he’s sleep deprived and has to figure out why the baby has been crying for two hours straight that he needs patience otherwise, he’ll have a meltdown. If the smallest thing sets your man off, he may not be daddy material.

4. He’s Already a Bad Father

This should go without saying, but if the guy you’re dating already has children and he doesn’t see them or take care of them financially, then you should not only reconsider having children with him, you probably shouldn’t even be dating him on that principle alone. A man who helped to create a child but isn’t helping in any way to raise and support him is already showing his true colors. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that he’d be different with your child. Do yourself a favor and drop the deadbeat, because when people show you who they are, believe them.

5. He Doesn’t Want Children

Some men know they don’t want to be a father and if he tells you that he doesn’t want any kids, that’s exactly what he means. Unfortunately, so many women think they can change a man’s mind, so they stop taking the pill and pop a surprise pregnancy on him. Look out because it’s about to get ugly. While I believe all men who don’t want children should either get a vasectomy or always wear condoms, there is always some poor fool who trusted his woman to take her pill faithfully or keep her Nuvo Ring in place because condoms “just don’t feel right.” If your man trusts you that way, don’t betray his trust by thinking it’ll all be okay if you “accidentally” get knocked up. You’ll be in for a rude awakening, he’ll never trust you again and while he may or may not make a good day, he’ll resent you for betraying him.

6. He’s Terrible With Money

In case you haven’t heard, children cost money…lots of it. If your man can barely pay his bills, doesn’t pay them on time, spends his money instead of saving it and you support him financially, a child with him should be the last thing on your mind. You’ll just be taking care of two people and ain’t nobody got time for that. He should at least be able to take care of himself, contribute to household expenses if you live together and show some financial responsibility by being able to save money and invest it wisely. If he can’t even keep $20 in his pocket, then don’t even think of having a baby with him until his finances are in order.

8. He’s a Neat Freak

Normally I wouldn’t have a problem with this since keeping the place spotless is damn near impossible with new baby. But if he’s so OCD that the thought of poopy diapers, vomit stained washcloths and pee-pee soaked pajamas will make his skin crawl, he may not have it in him to want a baby around. Like I said, babies and children make messes so for a neat freak, this could be a deal breaker because he may not want to be cleaning all day long.

9. He Thinks Changing Diapers is “Woman’s Work”

Sure, he may be open to having a baby with you…if you do all the work. Some men believe that because women carry and deliver the baby, they should be the ones to do everything for the baby – including feeding the baby, changing the baby, putting the baby to sleep, etc. This is the guy that won’t lift a finger to help you no matter how exhausted or frustrated you are. He might “play” with the baby, but once he smells something funny he’ll hand him over to you to wipe him down. If you have no problem with doing all the dirty work yourself, then fine…allow your man to be a sp*rm donor. But if you want an actual partner, make sure your man is on the same page with you as far as parenting duties are concerned.

10. You Two Don’t Communicate Well

Speaking of parenting duties, it’s important that you both agree – at least for the most part – on how you want to raise a child.  The only way you can do that is if you talk about it first. Novel idea, isn’t it? The reality is, many couples go into parenthood having never discussed ideas on how they want to raise, discipline or support a child. Parenting requires planning, compromise and coordination, so if you can’t even decide on which restaurant to eat at or what color you want to paint the kitchen, then you should hold off having a baby with him until you can get the basics down first.

Also, both voices need to be heard when co-parenting, so if one (or both) of you is controlling or passive, parenting won’t work. You both have to make and agree on decisions that are in the child’s best interest. Of course, I know that it isn’t going to be a 50/50 result at all times but you get what I’m saying, right? If you can’t communicate without a baby, it’ll only get worse once the baby is here – so protect yourself until you master your partnership first.