I Always Wanted To Ask… Are Black Women Jealous Of White Women?

January 8, 2013  |  
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If there’s any topic that gets Black women riled up it’s interracial dating. Though most of us have tucked our reactions into the “I don’t care pile,” a number of us are still known for having a bit of a ‘tude when we see a White woman on a Black man’s arm. But why? Are we jealous? Do we think the chosen White woman sees herself as some kind of trophy? Do we want Black men all to ourselves? These are the types of assumptions that are being made on all sides of the coin, so why not get to the bottom of these misconceptions and address them as best we can? That’s what we did in our new series, “I Always Wanted To Ask.”

Yesterday, we gave you an intro to the series and some background info on the ladies whose opinions are included. Now it’s time to delve into the convo. This is “I Always Wanted To Ask:” Interracial Dating.



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  • Andre Spivey

    Actually Asians marry outside their race more..the rate for black men is like 20% or so…

  • Rainshadow

    Let me just say that jealous white women are irrelevant to me. It never fails that every time I go to the gym there are at least a couple white women that stalk me around the gym. I think they’re simply in awe that a black woman like myself can look so damn good. They couldn’t hold a candle to me on their best day and my worst. Let them o’s hate.

  • meagen


  • cassy

    Get a Life before you start talking

  • cassy

    Some people are just stupid

  • y they asking if we r the ones jealous they get injections 2 get big lips n tan crazy me personally live ur life how u want the only thing I don’t like is when a black goes out his race he tells u all the reason y he don’t like black just like who u like without bringing down anyone man we still have this as an issue race should not b our problem now as americans we have come 2 far n still going through struggles with 1 another 2 keep our nation in 1 piece I mean let it go breathe in then release

  • bcmugger

    No such thing as “White
    PRIVILEGE”………its a crutch blacks use to self pity themselves.

    • WhatUSay???

      There is a such thing as White privilege. It’s a fact that a White person with only a high school diploma will get paid more and promoted than a Black person with the same education level. Google it if you don’t believe me. I’ve seen this and other things happen that scream White privilege.

  • Tiana

    What society do they live in where you can’t say you’re kinky as a black woman!?! WHAT?!?!?!

  • speakup4truth

    THE ANSWER FOR ME IS NO!!!! If anything its the other way around.

  • Crimson_Beretta

    Wow! It’s great to see such an open and honest conversation about this subject. It’s just too bad that’s not where the focus of some of the comments are. As a dark-skinned blatina (black and Latina) woman, you deal with a lot of the same issues not just from outsiders but also your family. In many Latino cultures there is this ideal of “mejorando la raza,” bettering the race or “blanquemiento la raza,” whitening the race. This is the practice of, if your ancestry has been “betrayed” with the size of your nose, the texture of your hair, or the size of your lips (nariz que mala, bemba y pelo malo); then you must always marry light/white. You must marry “up” so that we can better the race and get that one night of “curiosity” out of the Latino culture. Even though the Latino culture wouldn’t be a culture without the many, many, many influences of Mother Africa. But this particular conversation is not one you would hear in a Latino household not with non-Latinos and Latinos sitting together, on a couch, discussing. It’s a dirty little secret but it’s what has to be done. Especially when it comes to Latino men and their mothers. The mother always wants a light or white daughter-in-law if the family has been “betrayed” by its history. It’s like a badge of honor around the juego de mesa dominó. “Look at my son, look at what he has achieved, look how pretty the skin of my grandchildren is.” I don’t think that there is jealousy among African-American females for white women. I think there is an exhaustion with the same stereotypes that have been disproven time and time again but still taken on as truth by many. I do think that black women have to understand that they are not only good enough, they are great enough and external validation is like a fur coat on a hot day; it’s just not needed. I don’t think young black girls are getting this message and I do think that could be a problem; not knowing your worth with regard to self but relying on the opinion of others, especially men. What I say is, don’t put yourself in a box with regard to race and love. I understand wanting to strengthen the African-American family but sometimes looking so hard in one direction can cause you to miss out on a lot. I also think that if you stop looking the love you want comes to you. Black women are beautiful and always have been, they are intelligent, powerful, courageous, strong, and able-bodied. They are women not girls. They don’t need to be told this by anyone else but themselves. Asking the hard questions is not jealousy, it’s an attempt at accountability. I think black men don’t have this conversation because many probably couldn’t admit out loud what they truly think. To say that you won’t date an entire species because of some arbitrary reasons says more about you than the race you’re not willing to date. It’s hard to look in the mirror and see the cracks within your own integrity. These women should be celebrated for having these conversations. I can’t wait to see more.

  • gp

    Who cares who you date? Like, why are you getting mad that some dude is dating some chick? They never think about the fact hat he could like the girl because they connected. It always has to be “Oh he only sates her because she’s white”

  • ActualWhiteWoman

    “Are black women jealous of white women?”
    As a white woman, here was my reaction to that question

    “uh… why?”

    I mean, there are all kinds of reasons for anyone to be jealous of anyone else, I guess… and I am going NOwhere near all the clear racial inequities in this world, that’s not what I mean.

    I’m just confused: why would this question come up on a grand scale like that — why would any given black woman be jealous of me? What’s the underlying assumption about me, just as another woman, that I’m not getting? Or is the question all about the social, economic, political inequities? Because, gotta say — just the “being white” part? Not all that exciting. Have you ever seen varicose veins through pale skin? Yikes. Not pretty.

    Then again, I didn’t know my name was Becky, either, so there you go! 😉

  • why would I be jealous of anyone let alone a white woman? Skin color to me is just that a color. I have seen plenty of black men who have or are in a relationship with a white woman. That has nothing to do with me. If they are happy, why should I care? If she makes him happy, do the darn thing, lol. I know there are some out there that wouldnt agree with me, but thats on them Love is love, wheither it be black and white, black n brown or blue with yellow polka dots. Time to stop with the negativity and just be happy for someone else

    • Well many obviously are jealous, the video and many of the bitter comments prove thaT much

      • Guestest

        You are the only one leaving bitter comments.. You want so bad for black women to be jealous of white women Lol

  • inubiyamarsha

    The point is Blacks are the first ethnic group to “jump” easily and date outside their race. This inferiority complex rest more with Blacks than any other groups.

  • Suga

    I dont read alot into the blogs and posting…this subject is old…b/c their is more black on black marriages…You might see blackmen dating white women but that is their choice….

  • LatinaLady

    Do black men use white woman as a means to climb social status? Do black men see white women as trophies. This website can come across damn racist at times! SMH!!

  • Michelle

    I’m a black woman and I suppose I am jealous of white women, because they don’t have to deal with the disappointingly low-quality dating pool that us educated/professional black women do (sorry, I’m just being completely honest). They can have their pick of white men, and then they can also find a quality black man anytime they want. I say this as a black woman with a law degree who cannot find any (unmarried) black men with education or professional ambition to date in my city (believe me, I’ve been looking). Last date I went on with a good-looking black man and I was really hoping it would work out; when I told him I was a lawyer, he asked me if I could represent him in court next month to get out of some legal problems he had. That is NOT the way into a girl’s heart on a first date! And then to top it all off, I had to pay for dinner, for both of us. (OK, I try to be modern and fair about doing that after a couple of dates, but come on, on a first date, a girl likes to be treated.) So this is what it comes down to: Black women (and black men) should be free to date whomever they want. But if “who you want to date” includes—at a minimum—someone who is college-educated, unmarried, straight and has never been in prison, then I’m sorry girlfriend but you are going to have to be open to dating outside the black race, because the numbers simply are not there. Statistically, there simply are not enough quality black men to go around. I feel absolutely horrible saying this, but it is a difficult realization I have come to over the last few years. I have a date next week with a white man, and even though I would prefer a black man, a lady has got to have some self-respect and some standards. I know what I’m worth, and if that means going outside the race then so be it. Oh, and one last word of caution to black women who may be lucky enough to find a very-high-quality black man (educated professional, successful
    business executive type brother): don’t expect him to commit so easily to you– he has desperate high-quality black women AND hot white women throwing themselves at him. What can you do to compete? Good luck!

    • Nisha

      You definately need to continue to open up your options. Good luck to you and don’t ever settle!

    • mmmmm

      Wow, ok…you really couldn’t find an African to date who is ambitious and has similar life goals? My boyfriend is African (Ghanian) and he is exactly who I want. He has goals, doesn’t play mind games, and treats me well even though he says I am so demanding, lol. If you want to date black men – travel, get hobbies, go to entrepreneurial workshops – maybe gain some clients as well.

  • TelltheChildrentheTruth

    Sisters please don’t ever be jealous of lepers. Read the Old Testament, understand where white skin comes from. Nothing there to be envious about. If Hebrew men want these lepers, let them go. You keep yourself clean and pure. Don’t go to a leper to have children with him. Know who you are people read your family history-The Holy Bible.

    • Leapers ???? Wow, u exposed your own jealousy and bitterness right there.If you feel the need to down them, that ‘s a sure sign of jealousy. LOL

  • lobsterlol

    Isn’t this the same website that did the article about 10 reasons to date a white man? So black women thought that was O.K. But they some how have a problem when a black man dates a white woman. Interesting.

  • kcast2011

    This video just proves that most black women are a joke. Get over interracial dating seriously.

    • The only joke is you. You have such disdain for black women, but comment on a black female blog site. Clownish.

      • kcast2011

        Yeah the joke is somehow on me because I was referred to this video by someone who said it was sad what you guys are doing. Have fun not getting over interracial dating. p.s I can’t hate black women MY MOMMA BLACK (lmfao clowns)

        • Guestest

          Yeah and Tommy Sotomayor’s mom is black also…………………..

          • kcast2011

            What does that have to do with anything

            • Guestest

              Tommy Sotomayor’s mom is black and he despises black women, so it doesn’t matter.. Check out his YouTube vids

          • kcast2011

            and that means?

  • lobsterlol

    How come none of you black women have nothing negative to say about black women dating white men. You praise black women who date white men, write articles about them and make romantic videos about them. WHY?

  • Gina

    How do black men and white women feel when they see a black woman and white man together?

    • Nisha

      My experience….I’ve gotten the most stares and puzzled looks from black men. White women don’t seem to care.

    • Don’t feel anything. They are just a couple like every other couple.

  • Janae

    Some black women know it hurts to hear that since they’ve been with the “Anything but a black man” theme all their lives and denial kicks in, but it’s the cold hard truth. Being in denial or trying to force yourself it’s not there isn’t going to make it go away

    So true. And that denial by black women is going to have them experiencing some pain that they would have never imagined in about 5 years. The percentage of NEWLY married black men was about 23% last year. Now the percentage of NEWLY married men that has married out has increased dramatically over the last few years. It was 5%, then 11% then 16% then rose to 23% last year. Yeah most married black men are married to black women but look at the trending.

    The media is geared toward pushing black men and white women together. There is nothing you can do about that but you need to think about how that will affect your prospects if you only limit yourself to black men.

  • Deja

    Confidence is key! I, as a black woman, hold my head up high and know my self worth. By doing so allows me to give credit where credit is due. If you look good together, you will hear it from me regardless of race. Black women have no reason to be jealous of white women. We got it going on from the curve of our hips to the fullness of our lips. It’s all about people having a mind of their own and stop basing their opinion of us on fictitious statistics that try to lead everyone to believe that we as a black race are #1 in heart disease, stroke, diabetes, cancer, osteoporosis, drug addiction, food addiction, std’s, depression, mental retardation, etc, etc, etc and that we as black women are #1 @ being loud, obnoxious, jealous, insecure, lazy, etc, etc, etc when in reality, we only make up 22% of the population so all of those “black race/black women stats” could’nt possibly be true. So, can we focus on the real question at hand and ask why is there so much emphasis on trying to degrade us not only as black women but as a black race in general. There’s some food for thought! Let’s start having a mind of our own and be confident in who we are.

    • u make up 12 % of the population

  • MNEditor2

    In the future, refraining from cursing will automatically approve your comments. As for the comments, whichever ones the readers like go to the top, while the ones they don’t agree with go to the bottom.

    • Janae

      There was no cursing at all with my comments. In addition to that I have comments that contain no cursing that were deleted. Why dont you leave the black women/white woman/black man thing alone. Why do you keep throwing black women under the bus? This is a black woman’s blog. Have you no shame?

  • Guest

    I went to a [almost all] black school in HS [DSA in detroit] and I remember getting so much hate for liking someone/being liked by him cause he was “one of the good ones” but the white boy [yes singular, I think there was 1 other white girl there than myself? maybe?] at the school dating a black chick wasn’t an issue… which to me seems sexist, anyone of any gender can date anyone of any race. and lets be honest, mixed babies are probably the cutest babies around, lol.


    For the life of me, I am sick and disgusted with this subject. Hell no on my mothers grave am I jealous of a white woman, for What? Why? When I walk pass a white woman, she is….just that, a white woman. She can have a black man if she so desires, her white man should be mad not us. In my 40 yrs of life(I look 30) have I ever had a problem with getting a man. That is all my life since age 16. I am on my second marriage and both husbands liked their coffee black. Why are we always compared to a white woman. Why not an Indian, Pakistanian or South African. They are a dark, beautiful race of people similar to our own. All I need is the “white woman” to keep signing my checks every Monday like she has been doing for the past 9 years and keep it moving.

  • Marisa

    Since there is this obsession on black women and our lifestyles and there seems to be some black blog, tv special, magazine article, and newspaper articles, I think there should be an investigation of whose in charge of these black orientated blogs. These same black women aint nothing but jealous, insecure, fat,loud,stuck up, uneducated,too educated, multiple baby daddy having etc etc are on every black blog around. Including this one I really want to know who the heck are really running these sites, every time a topic like this is posted it becomes a war between black men and black women. We all know the usual suspects who seem to post the most wretched things even with different sign in names don’t it make yall wonder. People getting paid everyday off of 400+ comment topics of don’t nobody want a black woman we this or that, black guys are this or that, I am not one to be fooled there are hardly any topics discussed about solutions of our communities plight, just continue on with the stereotypes and B.S.

  • Folks do realize that just because you date or are married to someone outside of your ethnic background, it doesn’t mean you cant get/dont like the men/women of your particular background? Yessirrr. Have to use myself as an example.

    I’m a black man married to an okinawan women. I have to say it was actually based on my location and who was available at that time and had nothing to do with me not wanting to deal with black women. Hell, I’ve dated black women (of course) from crunchy black to high yellow, I’ve dated A (just one) puerto rican, A mexican, oddly never dated a white woman, and one okinawan who is now my wife.

    Still to this day, when I see a gorgeous black woman I GET my peeks in please believe me!! Still very much attracted to them.

  • Lady A

    I don’t think black women are jealous of anyone, I think the black women who do speak regarding this subject are more frustrated than anything. It’s suppose to be 2013, where in a era where humanity should be beyond stereotypes, prejudice, discrimination and generalizations but WE’RE NOT. Black women are still if not the most stereotyped group on the planet and plays against us when it comes to dating and marriage.

    And I don’t want to see people say “Well it’s the type of black women”…no doesn’t matter the black woman, if you operate your judgments through stereotypical glasses then that’s the way you’re going to approach everything. Look at “MICHELLE OBAMA” our First Lady, defies every stereotype you can think of that’s associated with black women. She’s intelligent, she’s educated, she’s a WIFE, she’s a helpful mother, she’s classy etc and she was reduced to a stereotypical label, “A ANGRY BLACK WOMAN” and we’ve Michelle with our own eyes be nothing more than friendly and nice. So tell me how does that happen when Michelle Obamae defies all stereotypes? How was she still subjected to stereotypes and ridicule? Just see above. I saw on another forum that black women are still viewed as jezebel, mammy, so it hinders dating, because that’s what people know, they don’t know anything else outside of that because they’re never showed anything else outside of that.

    I can’t empathize/sympathize with white women because they’re not reduced to stereotypes like black women are. They’ve had privilege all their lives and will not suffer a hit to their reputation or image no matter what they do. You have stereotypical white women on t.v. like the females from Jersey Shore loud with colored high up hairstyles, you have the out there so called jezebel white women like the Kardashians, Rock of Love women and others, and you have many low poverty fat white women like the Honey Boo Boo’s of the word whom I might add people love very much. Black women have a right to be frustrated, no one like’s to be told to act a certain way to be accepted or we wouldn’t have equal rights groups protesting against it.

    I don’t care what kind of excuses people make “Oh maybe it’s you, maybe it’s the woman maybe this and that” but sometimes it’s not them maybe society really hasn’t changed as we all like to believe. I’ve seen black t.v. anchor women whom all are fairly attractive, assuming educated and beyond without husbands or partners, what’s the issue?

    Black men can still be able to be considered desirable mates, even the most tatted up, gold tooth wearing, cornrow having, dreadlock wearing, thuggish acting negro can marry the most lilly suburban white or non-black woman. Look at these athletes who fit that bill, hell even the non-athletes and rappers who fit that bill.

    You can have a redneck, racist, uneducated, or job-less below average white man marry Asian, Latina, or whatever women and still be considered a bachelor in society’s eyes why is that?

    A white woman can be a whore(pick one), she can be physically average or extremely below average, she can be aggressive, she can be out there, loud, wigger, non-wigger, don’t need a degree from a well known college, don’t need a job that makes millions and her group will still be considered “desirable”.

    I can throw Asian women, Latina Men in there as well but you all get the picture. Sometimes it’s not just the person themselves, it’s the messed up logic human beings still have for one another that plays most of the part. There’s no reason Asian men along with black women should be considered unattractive and feminine because they’re some of the if not the most dominant, misogynist masculine cultured males on the planet so why are they seen as feminine? Stereotypes and image, duh? Even the most masculine looking Asian man is still seen as feminine, why is that? No one cares about her character or background.

    It’s unfortunate because as I offered Michelle Obama as an example, Jamele Hill of ESPN who subjected to sexist and racist commentary in a letter from A viewer, doesn’t matter what black women try to do to fight against said labels and stereotypes people pre-judge us with before even knowing us, it doesn’t matter. Stereotypes and labels hurt and damage, and it hurts and damage us even more when it comes to dating, marrying, and procreating. Whether you think we’re progressing as a society or not we still judge the next man through stereotypes,prejudice and other things which is why white women are still the most desired, sought after women on the planet. The End.

  • CTK

    The interracial dating thing is overblown, 90% of married black men are with black women

    If MN presented facts instead of poking open wounds this wouldn’t even be a discussion

  • Nope, its not a matter of jealousy at all. I have two good white girlfriends and frankly most of the time, all I feel is sympathy bordering on pity (at times) for them. For reasons too lengthy to go into here. I think ALL BLACK Americans at times covet the PRIVILEDGES provided to whites in this country, but again this has nothing to do with jealousy. As far as WW dating BM, I have been in the “Do not care” pile all my life because I have always dated out and I am not SOLELY checking for BM. The only BW that may get the “tude” over BM/WW dating are those that ONLY want a BM and see his dating out as a “betrayal” to her own self-imposed limitations.

  • I think the only people that seem to find white women as trophy’s are BLACK WOMEN. I mean I don’t hear any black men calling their white mates trophy’s and I don’t hear the white mates calling themselves trophy’s. My girlfriend is white and I think she’s great, but she’s not a trophy , she’s my partner. She definitely doesn’t see herself as a trophy.

    The only group that I do hear proclaiming white mates as trophy’s are BLACK WOMEN. Often these black women are trying to project their own insecurities onto Black men. These types of black women try to act like they know the reason why we have a white mate and their low self-esteem and/or arrogance often makes it about themselves (BW) in their minds, when it typically has nothing to do with them. “This trophy” nonsense often is a result of many of the stereotypes that BW can have towards Black/White couples. They want to view us as everything except two people who love each other.

    Love for one person does not equal hate for another. If you see a black/white couple who you don’t even know and you think that their relationship’s purpose is to make a statement about you, then these women seriously need to get a life and seek mental health counseling.

    • Kaori

      You don’t have to hear something for it to be true. It could be what people have observed.

      • It could be people (women) projecting their insecurities onto others.

  • Apple

    I think this is a good series. I will be tuning in. Thanks MN!

  • rosetta stone

    LOL. where is this chick from?

  • Jack K

    If black women broadened their horizons and stopped turning their noses up at African men then their luck would INSTANTLY change. My buddy moved to this country when I was 15, and he got NO play from black girls even though he’s a pretty good looking guy. Of course, the white girls didn’t ignore him. Now he’s a millionaire with a white girl friend.

    Guess who’s out there hating on him now.

    • Jack K

      I agree that black women have limited options among black american men. But they suffer from the same problem that all humans do at some point. POOR decision making. And when your options are limited, the last thing you want to do is make poor decisions.

    • Kaori

      So, Black women should become interested in African men because you say so?

    • Girlfriend

      Nobody is hating on your friend! And in the video post, the Black Women’s point of view wasn’t closed minded. In fact, they said the oposite. It’s the Black Men who only prefer a certain Woman.

  • Janae

    Why do you care so much about what white girls think about you? And I also hate how she thinks that she speaks for all black women. The funny thing is that these white girls were so average and you gave them so much power. Get over it!

    • Girlfriend

      How did the panel of African America Women give White women power? Better yet, how did a discussion about interracial relationships become a power struggle?

  • Emily

    Madame Noire, you are a disgrace. You continue to pimp hatred and discord withing the Black community for hits – a.k.a. advertising dollars. Black women need to stop supporting this. The thought…

  • Janae

    Why is this girl sitting around asking what do you think of this with black girls, what do you think of that with black girls? Seems so pathetic. We all dont sit around and obssess about white girls and that is the way it seems from this video. The white girls seem like they really dont care about what black girls think of them. They just obliged cause the black girls asked them. Then the sad black girl tells them how she is made to feel inferior because they date white girls. What really bothers me is that she really thinks they care and why should they? This girl needs to get over her issues with seeing a black guy with white girls.

    • Marisa

      Yeah the whole point of this is really a stupid concept, of course those white women don’t care, which is why we shouldn’t either. The sad chick story probably produced the evil smile in their heads but, they couldn’t show it on the outside of course. I swear some of our people care way too much about what white people think of them. Like who cares I don’t care what people think of me personally just don’t get in my way of me progressing. Some of the same opinions white folks had on those plantations then, some are going to have now. This country race issues are toxic the foundation of the USA is bad to begin with when your foundation is weak your chances for collapse is always high. Only thing we can do is just be the best people we can and hope it has some trickle down effect to the next generation.

      • Janae

        Amen girl!

        • Janae

          The dummy does not realize that they went somewhere and laughed at her and now they think that every black woman they see obsesses about them and wants to ask them questions about how they see us. smh

    • Those chicks need some mental health counseling. They cannot blame others for their low self-esteem. These types of females seek out misery and unhappiness. Notice how she seems to only notice the black guys with white girls, she doesn’t seem to notice the black guys who are with black girls, or better yet, the black guys who are alone. I’ve seen these types 1st hand, I remember a couple of females who never paid attention to me until they realized that I had a white girlfriend, then all of sudden, they are supposedly interested in me. Seen it happen to scores of friends too.

      She has an inferiority complex and she seeks out things that reinforce her feelings of inferiority.

      • Kaori

        When you are on a woman’s blog, try to refer to us as women and not ‘females’.

        • Once again, I just don’t understand why Black men like Shane keep bother Black women. I just don’t get it. There are plenty of sites gered toward White women he could troll on. Why here? He must be the one with low self esteem. Pathetic.

          • I’m not black, I’m biracial. I’m not trolling, i’m giving you an honest opinion, from points of view that black women often ignore. The answers are there if you listen and accept them

  • realadulttalk

    I don’t care who people date–it’s when you date EXCLUSIVELY outside of your race that I think you may suffer from self-hatred. But I’ve never met a black man who loved white women that I’d be interested in–even if he’s nice to look at–his personality is generally a turn-off.

    • Exclusively dating one type does not make one self-hating. Many people just have an honest preference. I prefer Japanese food, that doesn’t mean I hate American food. My preference for white ladies really has nothing to do with blaCK girls. I like what I like.

      • realadulttalk

        I wouldn’t expect someone suffering from self-hatred to agree. Carry on…

  • yeppers

    Why should anyone be jealous of who someone ELSE is dating…shouldnt u be worried about who you going home to at night…I WISH I WOULD sit up nights and days worried about who in another person bed. I can think of so many other things important in my life and God has purposed for me to do than to worry about this foolishness. Yall trying to have talks to justify this when anyone who has problems with this needs prayer. I dont hate anyone for THE COLOR OF who they love and if the man has some kind of disparaging reason to not date black women that is between him and GOD. I only am in charge of being an example to my fellow women and not in charge of changing the mind of someone who has some warped reality because of past hurt or self love issues. Work on you. Thats the only mind u can change. YOUR OWN.

    • They are jealous because they lack something in the own lives and thus focus on the lives of strangers.

  • k

    These kind of articles on sites focusing on Black culture, is really disgraceful. They put this kind of garbage on sites like these but none on their own. Why don’t they have articles on in their publication about white women MUST date Black men etc? This is a completely set-up!!! Don’t fall for it Black women or men. This is genocide on top of genocide.

    • Girlfriend

      Well this is only a discussion amongst Women with varying view points. This is not a commercial to encourage either side to make a definitive stand of which type of Man they should or should not date!

  • This is some bullsh*t! Why would I be jealous of a white woman when they are dating a black guy. That would imply that I want the guy she’s dating which 99.99% of the time I’m not even attracted to them and they are not someone I’m interested in since they date white women. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those black women who are angered by interracial dating. I, myself, have dated interracially.

    • gogobear

      “That would imply that I want the guy she’s dating which 99.99% of the time I’m not even attracted to them and they are not someone I’m interested in since they date white women.”


      “And don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those black women who are angered by interracial dating. I, myself, have dated interracially.”

      SO…if a Black man has dated interracially, you dont’ want him…but you would expect Black men to date you despite the fact that you have dated interracialy yourself.

      What is most scary about this is how many Black women think EXACTLY as you do – that in order to be a Black man worthy of you he has to have never dated outside his race, but who you date is not a reflection on who you are….

    • No one said you personally. Your personal feelings do not cancel out the jealously and bitterness many BW display

  • K.

    No Black woman is jealous. Racism is such an evil. All this nonsense is to further separate Black males from women. Lies. Damn lies and statistics. It’s the same plantation system in a new format.

    • Marisa

      You said while the tactics are different the mentality is the same, cant have plantations to stick us so ladies and gentlemen introducing the prison system. The prison system, the media saturation of the most negative of our people. There are entire industries built on our dysfunction as a people to get paid off of. Why do yall think there is this sudden interest the last 5 years of black women and our lifestyles, just so happens a black woman became First Lady and many don’t want to see that again, or see a successful black family. So we’ll just showcase black women a nothing more than baby mamas, drink tossing. Problem is so many of our people have fallen into this trap were as Chris Rock says “its all white because its all white”. Stop treating white people like they are the end all be all their not, no matter what racist structure allowed them to prosper while with their foot on the necks of others.

  • K.

    No Black woman is jealous. Racism is such an evil. All this nonsense is to further separate Black males from women. Lies. Damn lies and statistics. It’s the same plantation system in a new format.

  • Sagittarius81

    Heck no! Most white women get tans, butt, breast and lip implants and try to dress like us, no jealousy here. Plus they only get the black men who are a**holes and think they’re on top of the world.

  • Sagittarius81

    Heck no! Most white women get tans, butt, breast and lip implants and try to dress like us, no jealousy here. Plus they only get the black men who are a**holes and think they’re on top of the world.

  • Sagittarius81

    Heck no! Most white women get tans, butt, breast and lip implants and try to dress like us, no jealousy here. Plus they only get the black men who are a**holes and think they’re on top of the world.

    • Most white women do not get tans, breast , butt or lip implants. The Hollywood crowd does that crap, not the average white female. Please stop repeating the same jealous lines from the other black bitter bettys

  • Kaori

    I am not jealous of White women. And, I definitely don’t want Black men all to myself, considering I am not the least bit attracted to Black men.

    • +

      Personally I never understood how people could not be attracted to an entire race of men or women…..especially when they share the same race…..but to each his or her own

      • IonlySpeakTruth

        Self Hate…The only time someone can dismiss an entire race of people, and their parents are that same race…they hate themselves.

        • Kaori


          • gogobear

            You mean…there is a POSITIVE reason for finding someone unacceptable simply because of their DNA…even before you have met them or seen a picture of them?

            Do tell…

            • Kaori

              No, that is what YOU mean because I didn’t say any of that.

              • gogobear

                What you said was that you wouldn’t date Black men, and that your reason doesn’t have to be “negative”…

                So…if it isn’t “negative”…what would it be?

                I mean – you did say you would NEVER date a Black man, right? And by NEVER – this means you would not need to meet this man, or even see a picture of him…simply knowing a Black woman gave birth to him made him unacceptable in your book, right?

                And yet your reasons for this aren’t “negative”?

                • Kaori

                  Pay attention. I stated in my first comment that I was not attracted to Black men. Look, you don’t need to keep making up all kinds of scenarios until you find one that you think fits me. Just stop it, okay! I am not attracted to Black men. Simple as that.

                  • gogobear

                    “Simple” would be exactly the right word….

                    I already have a “scenario” that fits you – you have a deep self hatred..because if a Black woman birthed a man, you do not want anything to do with him romantically. Seems to me you think something is wrong with Black women…

                    • Kaori

                      I don’t ‘refuse’ to date within my own race, but what sense does it make for me to date men who I know I am not attracted to?

                      I must say that you have quite the imagination. You think that me not being attracted to Black men is because I think something is wrong with Black women. I mean really, where did you come up with this?

                      You seem to have your mind made up about what you THINK you know about me, which is pretty freaking strange. I also noticed that you did not answer one question I asked you, which tells me that you are only interested in presenting your own erroneous opinions despite what I say. It’s like, your responses were prepared in advance.

                      It’s been fun, but I no longer wish to engage in this conversation. Respect that and don’t reply to me anymore.

                    • Listen@bd9feaaaef625cc67144d23e52559065:disqus ,I`ve had my heated debates with Kaori in the past,but i will defend her right to choose who she wants in her love life,and who she dosen`t.No amount of brow-beating,and psychological analysis is going to make her change her mind.She likes what she likes and the reasons behind it are irrelevant,so live and let live.

                    • Kaori

                      “No amount of brow-beating,and psychological analysis is going to make her change her mind.”

                      Now, you are certainly right about that.

                    • Thank you.

        • It’s not self-hate. People like what they like. Not being attracted to a person doesn’t mean you hate them. Also, it’s not dismissing an entire race of people. I find that i’m not attracted to many black females, but I have many wonderful black female friends who I adore. I’m usually not attracted to Asian women either, does that mean I hate Asians ?

          Not being sexually attracted to someone is not the end of the world. Dating/Mating is not the only type of interactions that people can have. You can have many wonderful friendships with people without you having any romantic desires towards that person.

          • Kaori

            I agree with your last sentence. Even though I am not attracted to and would never date a Black man, I still have Black male acquaintances.

            • gogobear

              Isn’t that EXACTLY the rationale racist typically use? “I’m not a racist…I have Black friends…I just wouldn’t let one marry my daughter”.

              Why you think you can dismiss an entire RACE of people you have not met (especially BLACK people…because we all look so different) is between you and your shrink, but hiding behind that lame logic is pretty pathetic.

              • Kaori

                Do I need to meet every Black man on Earth to know that I am NATURALLY not attracted to Black men? If you are a woman, do you need to have a relationship with another woman to know that you are not attracted to women?

                You said that my ‘logic’ is ‘lame’, but you didn’t answer the question.

                It’s pretty pathetic that you think you need for a stranger to justify to you why they are not attracted to certain people. You are just like anyone else who thinks there needs to be a negative reason or long story, when for some people they are simply not attracted to certain people or things.

                I see that you are going up and down the comment section questioning women who are not attracted to Black men. Leave me out of it. Thanks.

                • gogobear

                  Did you just compare not being a homosexual to not being attracted to people of your own race?

                  Man…you do have issues…

                  Unless you believe ALL Black men are EXACTLY the same (again, the sort of logic racist have used to discriminate against us since the beginning of time) then you need to meet ANY PERSON to determine if you are attracted to THAT person…

                  Are all Black women loud? What about uneducated? Do they all have baby daddies?

                  Do tell…what is it that you think represents ALL Black men that you despise so? Black men don’t even all have the same skin color…so what is it?

                  What is “pathetic” is that you have such a deep self hatred….

                  I am still reeling over refusing to date within you own race being on pair to not being a homosexual…

          • yeppers

            i think you are dismissing peoples points….I believe the negativity comes in the form of people broadcasting that all of a certain color women are this way or that…you are correct when u say you are attracted to who you like…i like and am attracted to any color man, and get all races that notice me. I am not promised to any one race of man. I dont let negative stereotypes affect me because i am my own woman, and the only stereotype i affect is MY OWN.

        • Nicole

          I also wonder how someone can refuse to date someone in their own race, or any race. For black men, usually the first woman that they have contact with is their black mother. Most of the women in their family are likely to be black. This is who they share a common history and culture with. It’s possible to not be attracted to certain personality traits or behaviors, but not an entire race of people, because they have different qualities.

          • Kaori

            What person IS attracted to an ‘entire race of people’? And, just because two people are Black, it doesn’t mean the share they same culture or history.

            • Nicole

              What I was saying is how can someone say that they are NOt attracted to an entire race or group of people, especially when he or she is part of that group and share common history.
              Subject: [madamenoire] Re: I Always Wanted To Ask… Do White Women See Themselves As Trophy Wives For Black Men?

      • Kaori


        • gogobear

          “SHOUTING” doesn’t make you lame logic anymore sound either…

          • Kaori


            • gogobear

              Yes..you whipped out this “wisdom” in all caps as though that was going to further validate it…

        • +

          Human beings aren’t chocolate bars. Silly oversimplification. And if you aren’t “attracted” to chocolate why would you need to bite the hershey’s bar in the first place?

          Attraction doesn’t mean “I tried it and I didn’t like it” which is what your analogy is implying. That’s why the comparison you and the other guy made to sexuality falls flat on its face.

          • Kaori

            I explained elsewhere that a Black woman wouldn’t need to meet every Black men or see a picture of a Black man to know that she is not attracted to Black men, and that one is not dismissing an entire race of people as others have suggested.

            • +

              Thing is, they are not just “black men” anymore than you are just a “black woman”. How often is attraction based on one thing?. Some people are nerds, jocks, thugs, goths….some have charm, some are awkward, clumsy, shy….some are sweet, some are cruel, manipulative, insecure etc. The point is they are millions of people with a wide variation, and to just lump them dismiss them all because of race (which is your own) is a very weird deal breaker.

              I know you and others are trying to claim this is just something that is just natural to you, personally I find that very hard to believe. Who we’re attracted to is often influenced by our experiences growing up, probably more than we consciously know. I definitely believe there is more to it than “preference” in all cases (we’re not just talking about you here) . But as I said above to each his or her own

      • Sharing certain traits doesn’t equal automatic attraction, if that were the case, according to your logic, everyone or at least most people would be homosexual.

        BTW, We are all the same race. There are different ethnic groups, but only one human race.

        • +

          Completely wrong Shane, that’s not my logic at all because that is not what I said or was implying. I didn’t say anything about sharing same traits = automatic attraction to EVERYONE with that trait, hell I’m not even talking about being attracted to most people with that trait.

          What I’m saying that when you claim NO attraction, across the board, to a large group of people BECAUSE they have that certain trait, a trait that you also share, it is very weird. And I’ve heard the “preferences” line but frankly I find there is almost always some other issue, bias, stereotype or whatever involved when to talk to people long enough about these “preferences”. Just saying

          And yes, there is only one human race, but let’s not pretend that you haven’t checked a box “identifying” yourself at some point in you life. Just because its a human construct doesn’t make it any less real

          • Preferences are perfectly natural and it can even be said that they can be bias. Every bias is not wrong. I prefer skinny women and i’m turned off by fat women, so it can be said that I have a bias against fat women. It can also be said that I have a bias against ugly women or women with kids. Dating isn’t like hiring someone for a job. IN dating we are allowed to be selective and exclude whatever we want. The govt/society cannot set the parameters for us.

            It is not weird not to be attracted to someone who shares a certain trait with us. It’s rather normal. A perfect example is masculine behavior. Most men are not attracted to women who display a great deal of masculine behaviors and mannerisms. Just because we have a certain thing doesn’t mean we have to be attracted to a woman who has that same thing, after-all, we are not dating ourselves, we do not need to be attracted to ourselves. If i have facial hair, I am not going to find a woman with facial hair to be attractive. Me having facial hair is not going to make me accept a woman with facial hair.

          • I didn’t claim no attraction, I said I’m USUALLY not attracted to black women. It’s not a 100% THING

  • pretty1908

    No, yall can have some of them ! Most of them time i see non black women with a guy that no woman should deal with no matter their race. look at kanye and kim or him and amber, what respectable educated woman of any race would deal with a buffoon. I am not jealous of anyone pursuing a relationship with the person of their choice.j

  • JaneDoe

    Hell to the NO.. They don’t even age well. I love my beautiful brown skin, long natural hair; that can be worn curly or straight. I am more versatile than they could ever be…

  • I wish some of these sites would get their information together. The simple and plain fact with stats to back it up is that black with black marriages are over 90%. If people were to turn off the tv and actually pay attn to the people around them they’d see that in actuality there are more black men with sistas. Now lets talk about the money. The census report has CLEARLY posted that of black men, COLLEGE GRADUATES have the highest rate of marriage to black women! What folks need to understand is that with entertainers and athletes, those black men are such a small percentage of black men. It may look like “men with money go to white women” because you see it on tv but thats not what the stats say.

    • qui8tstorm83

      Finally an educated accurate answer(Applause)! Don’t get why we get so worked up about certain things like this. The panel and discussions wasn’t a big deal in my eyes. If you know who you are and what you’re about…what should it matter what any panel says? White..Black or otherwise. Quit taking things to level 10! Good grief people!

    • Alana

      Thank you very much!! Which is the point I was getting at in an earlier post, black women have nothing to be jealous about.

    • Africanpride

      Very true. These topics are getting old, it’s 2013, new year, time for new topics. There are far more important issues that we can discuss. I guess, some people are obsessed with what whites think of them, these same white people are just human beings like you. It should really be as simple as, black men should date whoever they want to date but the media choose to blow it out of proportion. It’s a distraction. I could care less who a black man dates. The only thing I ask for is, black men don’t go out of your way to disrespect black women or allow these non black women to disrespect us because of your own low self esteem or immaturity. These non black women feel special because these immature black men put them on a pedestal. There’s nothing to be jealous of about white/non black women, they are a woman like me, they have their issues like everybody else, and it’s even worse with them sometimes. So I’m jealous of Kim K bcos she’s with a black man? It’s nothing to be jealous about Kim K, she’s no different than superhead, they are both trashy. But, non black women know how to cover up their trash better and play the victim well. Unfortunately, the society is very lenient towards white women. And, kanye is an immature egoistic guy, so they fit each other well.

      I think the main issue here is, black women should focus more on themselves. Let’s go back to loving ourselves, accepting ourselves and taking better care of our health, skin and hair. And, some of us do need to work on our attitude. Let’s not confuse confidence with lousy behavior. People naturally lean more to someone who seems easy going and welcoming. We are not addressing another important issue here, black men need to step up. Maybe, if we had high number of educated, secure black men to go round, we won’t even have this problem.

      • Dude, you sound very jealous. Your very words drip with jealously.

        This passage right here gives you away
        “But, non black women know how to cover up their trash better and play the victim well. Unfortunately, the society is very lenient towards white women. And, kanye is an immature egoistic guy, so they fit each other well.”


        Insecure blk girls typically bring up White or other women , attack them and bring up how they are “favored”.

        White and other non-black women aren’t even the issue , certain blk girls bring them up in order to project their insecurities onto them. Black girls need to look at and into themselves. These other women are not the problem. They are the sign of a problem. The problem is many black females are not very appealing to a lot of men. Removing white women will not make these blk girls appealing. That’s why when black girls attack these women, the black girls come out looking worse, putting these women down doesn’t help black girls. The same things men are repulsed by are still there. BM/WW couples are not the issue.

        • Anonymous

          What are they repulsed by?

  • t_99

    I am not jealous of other women of any race, and have problem with interracial dating. There is enough hate in the world, so love whom you love. The problem I see if when the primary or sole basis for selecting a mate is based on a stereotype. For example, a few Black men have told me that they will only date a white women because they are willing to do things that Black women won’t, that Asian women are more docile, etc. Really (side eye)? Well, I worked on a team with Asian and White women for years, and got to know them well. I can tell you that those stereotypes are not true. They can argue, nag, fuss, fight, issue ultimatums, etc, too in a manner consistent with the stereotypes about Black and Latina women. People are individuals and should not be stereotyped.

  • Tasha Mayhorn

    i for one surely dont think that black women are jealous of white women, who dates black men. I just think that no matter what race a woman is, and a man can be black white, red, green purple, you still go thru things and have issues just like anyone else, they may be of different race but they still are men at the end of the day.The same stuff you go thru with a black man, you can go thru with a white man too.

    • Kaori

      A man, or any other human for that matter cannot be red, green, or purple.

  • Laine

    I don’t know where Veronica Wells gets her statistics from. “..Black men married to white women is more than any other interracial…”.. No, white men married/ dating Asian women is the largest interracial partnership…

    • Kaori

      With Black men being married interracially being the second.

      • k

        Lies. Damn Lies & statistics.

      • Actually White and Hispanic is the second largest IR coupling.

        • Kaori

          White and Hispanic or White Hispanic?

  • The Truth

    “If there’s any topic that gets black women riled up it’s interracial dating.”

    Whatever knowledge could have been gained from this article was automatically discounted based on this heinous opening statement. As another commentor noted, it’s the media (and crappy blogs like this one) who keep perpetuating this myth. Black women are not sitting around lamenting the loss of “our” men to non-black women. There are dozens of topics that I could name off of the top of my head that definitely do rile us up, including shady *ss entities that claim to be for the uplifting of black women but really just mask their abhorrent views of us in flowery language (i.e. this article). Thanks for making us look like jealous, petty, immature fools, Madame Noir. I would say more but the love of my life, who just so happens to be an Irish man, just finished making me a wonderful breakfast and I’m about to go in. Ain’t nobody got time for this mess y’all trying to start today.

    • U can’t blame the media, there are way too many black women that reinforce this stereotype. Trust me, i’ve encountered more than I’d care to.

      • Gina

        Their are a lot of black men that reinforce the deadbeat dad, homosexual (DL) and jail stereotype, what’s your point?

        • My point was stated

    • RightOnSistaTruth

      #THUDEROUS APPLAUSE#. Dear The Truth; your timely critique for a disturbing percentage of BN Bootleg Bloggers….touching on sensitive topics….appearing to aim to mend rifts and irradicate misunderstandings–was right on time! Too often for my liking; MN leaves me dissapointed. It ain’t too hard to tell some of these ‘authorz’ are `but mere friends and relatives of those in management….who lack the journalism skills and abilities to poetically scribe a canned-soup sales pitch – let alone broach serious matters of concern such as this. Kudos to you and your Irish hunk for finding something Special to build on.

      • Girlfriend

        The Truth and RightOnSistaTruth, y’all both are so phony! How are you going to act like you’re taking the high road, but bash other Black Women in the process. This was a great video. All it was, was a discussion between Women with varying view points. It did not Bash any one side like you two both did.

        • The Truth

          Please… where did either of us attack black women? I attacked this site pseudo-journalism and attempts to downplay black women with the same tired *ss “controversial” topics. Clearly, they know they were wrong which is why they changed the title from ‘Are black women jealous of white women’ to ‘Do white women see themselves as trophies for black men.’ Get out your feelings and join the conversation,love.

      • Girlfriend

        The Truth and RightOnSistaTruth, y’all both are so phony! How are you going to act like you’re taking the high road, but bash other Black Women in the process. This was a great video. All it was, was a discussion between Women with varying view points. It did not Bash any one side like you two both did.

  • To be honest I make it a point to smile at Black men with White women, just so you know I’m not jealous. I know it’s a weird, but as Black women we can’t find validation through men or anything outside of us. We have to validate ourselves. Like Katt Williams said it’s esteem of your damn self. If we set out with the mind frame that there aren’t any good brothers out there than that is exactly what you will.

    • Kaori

      Instead of smiling, you could just not pay them any attention at all.

      • Live your life, and I’ll live mine!

        • Kaori

          I am living my life. What does this response have to do with this article?

    • Why do anything ? Why not just view them as any other couple ? Faking a smile will only give the impression that you have negative intentions /thoughts.

      • Shane, can’t you find some white women to bother. Pathetic.

        • Dude, why are you taking it personally ? The use of ad hominems in a debate, now that’s pathetic. If you don’t agree with someone that’s fine. If you can’t debate their point then move on, no need to fling personal insults. I wasn’t even commenting towards you, so you basically weren’t even contributing to the debate.

          Perhaps you should go find someone else to troll and please don’t even converse with me.

  • Alana

    Nah, not jealous at all. Most of the black men who I personally know that date white women are not men that I would date anyway. There’s too many other black men who love all I have to offer for me to be worried about those that don’t. Can’t win them all. What I don’t like is the premise being put forth that SO many brother’s date/marry white women because it just isn’t true. The actual number of black men who marry white women are less than 10%.

    • Jack K

      “Most of the black men who I personally know that date white women are not men that I would date anyway.”


      • maggie

        I am a black woman and I agree. Sistas don’t want to admit it.

        • You are not a black woman. If you were, you would know that every black man who dates a nonblack woman is not a great catch. It is silly to think so.

    • “”Most of the black women you know that date white women , are not men that you would date anyway ‘

      BIg sign of jealously/hate right there. If you weren’t jealous, you wouldn’t even feel the need to down those guys. That’s a preemptive strike that many black women do. Black girls feel the need to down the guys because they think the guys will down them

      • Alana

        Nope. Just a dose of reality.

  • The only reason SOME are jealous is because the low dating pool for black women. Of course if you have them tell it., white men just love them some black women. If that were true you wouldnt have to do with constant nagging of who dates who.

    • Finista

      Blk women don’t really date outside the race. For every black women who would consider dating outside the blk race there are 30 other black women who don’t. None of the Black women at my Job like white men none of the black girls at the all white high school i went to liked white boys and all were not just pretty but bad. My single white male coworkers say how pretty Beyonce is and they are just looking for a woman no matter the color, I be like sorry I’m taken.

      • Lisa

        Then they are the idiots! There are other men besides white men.

  • Samantha

    Don’t worry about if black women want your man if he likes white women. You need to worry about other white women trust me on this ladies this is an interracial dating secret . I’m a black woman and have witnessed other white women say he could have picked a white girl like me because she is ugly and he is handsome . This goes for black women with white men I have experienced other black women flirting with my man in front of me how crazy! Women are so complicated and insecure!

  • Denes

    As a black man, I was never given the chance or opportunity to date a black woman. They laughed, made fun of me, and called me names such as ET, JJ, donkey head…..etc. It went on all the way through college. I had low self-esteem, never walk down the breezway where they hanged, I had my head down most of the time. The few girls who could probably dated back then were afraid of what their friends would say. I probably wouldn’t date my low self-esteem self either. I had very few black friends and they were always making fun of me. Then, I met this white dude in one of my class. We clicked and started to hang out with him and his friends. I met a white girl who was very nice to me. We did our work together, and I started to like her. When I finally had the courage to ask her out, I felt so amazing that she said yes. We hit it off and never looked back. I have to say if it were not for the mean black girls, I probably would never have met my wife.

    • RC

      You think all Black Women are mean?

      • Dened

        I did not say that all black women are mean, but I would have to say the majority of the black women were mean to me. There were some who never took part in making fun of me, but they were cheer leaders at times.

      • I think his point is that he got positive feedback from white females that he didn’t get from black females. Because of this, he probably felt more comfortable with white ladies than black girls.

        • Denes

          Actually, I did not even go as far as saying I got positive feedback from white or black female back then. I’ve been married to my wife, who is white, for 7 years, dated for 3, and were friend for about a year. I am now 36. I’ve only dated and married to one women in my life, and she was the only woman who’d shown interest in me when I asked her out. I spent most of my childhood around black women and men. All the negative comments that I’ve received are from black women/men too. I am not saying it’s because black women are mean or white women are nice. Black men, including my own cousin, used to make fun of me too – he was a very popular dude at school too and think the comments about me were funny. Now I can lol at this one time story, I was friend with this black girl, at least I thought we were, and we used to do homework in the library. I had taken school pictures and gave her one because I thought we were friends. She actually looked at it and say “What I am going to do with this?” she gave it back to me. Then, I heard about it for the rest of the month from the other kids.

          • Denes

            One woman not women.

          • But why are you here? I don’t get it. Why not ride off into the sunset with your wife and keep it moving? Why cometo a black woman’s blog site?

    • w.e.b

      Yeah Most black people I know say I act white. After a while it gets annoying. I think the real problem in the community is self hate. Also our youth believes you have to be a certain way, because of all our negative images in music and t.v. People think if their life resembles love and hip hop or if they act like a idiot like Rihanna and Chris brown. That its normal. You see how Beyonce gets so much hate because she act “perfect”, But in reality she keeping her life classy.

      • “she ACT “perfect”. Is that what you consider “white”? SMDH. Ignorant.

    • Kaori

      “As a black man, I was never given the chance or opportunity to date a black woman.”

      You need to do more self reflection. Never having the ‘chance’ or ‘opportunity’ to date a Black woman sounds like you expect for women to come to you, and not you pursuing women.

      • IonlySpeakTruth

        As men it is our duty to pursue women, but I think his point was, the Black Women he came across created a hostile environment with little room for approach, much less a date request.

        • Duty ??? Dude, that is so archaic. Times have changed, women approach men very often now. Many of those old gender roles are silly and counter-productive. I do agree with you regarding the hostile environment. Black women say they don’t want to approach men (which is their loss), but if they aren’t going to approach men, they should at least create a more welcoming vibe.

          • Kaori

            Women only need to create a ‘welcoming vibe’ to men who they are actually attracted to.

    • qui8tstorm83

      Just speaking on Denes’s situation…My nephew experiences some of the same things Denes speaks of. He is a decent looking black guy…educated..no kids….good manners..etc. But growing up black girls would give him no play at all b/c they considered him one of the “cornballs” the ladies spoke of. He constantly tried to gain attention of black women b/c that’s what he was mostly attracted to but when it came down to it…if he wanted a gf…he had to date a white woman. I’ve seen this happen to a few guys…they get to the point where they just get tired of the rejection or being pushed to the side and just give up to a certain extent and go to other options.

      Yes…black women have a harder time finding a decent black guy but with some of the guys I’m around and some within my family…I’m seeing black women continuously pass up some very good guys b/c he doesn’t have enough “swag!” Do you want to be lonely and un-married just waiting on “swag?”

      • FAMURattler85

        One must look at the “quality of woman” a man who has had numerous bad experiences with black women have been after. Some men tend to lump all of us together as if we are one in the same by generalizing the characteristics/behavior of a few (most likely of similar quality) to all of us. If a man has a tendency to attract/be attracted to “63rd and King Drive” quality women, (Chicago reference. Not a good area, many, not all, are hood rats who are attracted to the “swag” you speak of) while he is a “Beverly Hills” quality man, it’s no wonder that he will have problems. A good friend of mine who happens to be a black male recently made the claim ” black men tend to look at the body and features of the vehicle rather than at the life expectancy or warranties of that vehicle”, which seems to ring true for a lot of black men I’ve encountered in my lifetime. Not saying this is your nephew because I don’t know him, just presenting a different perspective.

      • Kaori

        It’s typical for men to blame their dating problems on women. Just because a man is a ‘good guy’ it doesn’t mean he is the right guy for her.

      • yeppers

        I agree with the poster below that replied to you…some of these “good” black men that you are referring to are always looking to the outside appearance i.e. video model etc. who are newsflash: LOOKING FOR THE MAN WITH SWAG. they deem these beautiful materialistic women as “good women” because of their outward appearance. So once they get rejected enough now all of a sudden no women are good or all black women are materialistic and fake when thats what you were going after….if these guys would have taken the time to look at more than a big a.. and weave then maybe a good woman would be what they found. Most have been turned down by the type of women they surround themselves with so much that they deem a whole race that way. which is crazy…but hey to each his own. im only worried about the one God made for me….not any other.

        • FAMURattler85

          VERY well said.

        • Denes

          I understand your point about dating women who are model and video girls and so on. However, I did not even start thinking about dating until I was in college. In fact, I believe I am the one and only one who was so happy not having to go to High School Prom. I was made fun of in elementary, Middle, and High school. I’ve not and never will blame my dating problem on women. On the contrary, I don’t believe I had a dating problem; I think it was more of a self esteem problem. I’ve dated my wife for three years, and I did just fine. My whole experience in elementary, High School and even part of college made who I am today. I am much stronger, wiser, and a better person because of it.

          • yeppers

            Sweeheart im happy for your and your wife…much love to yall. however i was the one always made fun of in in school too…we all have that awkward phase. i believe men obviously take it harder than women in some cases because yall are supposed to be knocking down women as soon as yall hit puberty, but women are supposed to find that one from the start. i myself didnt even date until i hit college and never had serious boyfriends. My experiences do shape me, but i know my God has mad made me a beautiful loving woman and yes i am black. where u find love is where u find love, but everyone handles life and experiences in a different way. we are ALL beautiful because of it…God wants the best for us all…some of us havent realized that yet. But for those of us who have….we will have it. no matter the color.

        • Kaori

          “They deem these beautiful materialistic women as “good women” because of their outward appearance.”

          I can agree with you on that. All of the time I see men referring to a woman as ‘wife material’ or ‘wifey’ because they find her attractive or because she does something that they like. They don’t even begin to consider her as a whole person.

    • Sharon

      There are nice black women out there. You have white girls that are mean as well. It is amazing how some black men don’t have one problem catagorizing some black girls to all black girls are being mean. I would wager if it was reversed if white women were mean to you, you would not have not one problem with it. Come on, let’s be real. You know you would not have one problem with white women being mean.

    • Denes

      Actually, I did not expect women to approach me. My nickname was following me where ever I went, from middle school to college. I used to be very cautious approaching black women. As I approach a women, I can only think of the name ET. I am able to laugh about it now, and I work with one of the girl who used to make fun of me too. However, it was very painful for me back then. I have say one thing though…..There was a black teacher, CD, she used to pull me in her class room and play board game with me. She was my Angel, and I’ve never spent a year without going to see her. She save my life!

      • Kaori

        “As I approach a women, I can only think of the name ET.” – So you pretty much project your feelings about being teased onto Black women whom you approach?

        • Denes

          Yes, I did. As I said in my previous statement, I had low self-esteem. Before I approach a woman, I do think of all the names that I’ve been called.

    • yeppers

      But you attribute the way they treated you to the color of their skin????? Im sorry does the melanin in my skin cause a brain condition where I am mean…because i cant for the life of me understand what being mean has to do with being a black woman. So different colors of people determines their mean meter…O OK…I must research this condition more. Black skin=mean….. Yes i know that is not what you said…but in essence do some of you re-read your post and see that you make a generalization about the attitude of a gender based on their skin color???

      • Denes

        I am simply talking about my experience. I spent most of my early childhood going to schools that were mainly black. I did not have a choice at that time.

        • yeppers

          Well say that then….because I am a black woman who went to black schools in the south and my momma didnt raise a mean woman….ITs upbringing and who a person is that makes them mean…NOT THE COLOR OF THIER SKIN SWEETHEART. If you dont know that….i have to wonder how old u must be because by a certain age that should be common sense. I would deem you mean and close minded because of YOUR COMMENTS…however not knowing you would make that EQUALLY as unfair as what u claim a woman is because of her skin color.

    • SexNdaCity

      Oh so let me guess…all the white girls you met were the total opposite… nice sweet angels that threw you compliments. I can tell you this…there is some “nerdy” low self esteem white dude somewhere going through the same name calling and being treated bad by some rude white girls. No certain race has the monopoly on being mean. I’ve seen people of ALL races being mean to somebody. Not just black women. It’s a shame that this needs to be said over and over and over. But I keep forgetting black women aren’t allowed to be individuals…however white women are allowed that privilege.

  • Bey

    Its never good for a woman to think another woman is jealous of her and her man. Did the woman say she was jealous? Is she up in your mans face smiling trying to take your man? Did she call your man fine in your face? Also don’t say these things to your man because honey men don’t think like women. Men think oh yeah my woman know other women want me yeah she know black women want me when I’m with her they are jealous of her and want me.

  • Janay

    No its just low options in dating pool for black women. Black men are exterminating themselves in more ways than one. No other race of women have to deal with poor options and low numbers of men like bw.anyone would have issues. But as times change and bw start looking at other races I believe it will cease. Only prob is the black race suffers as a result of it all.

    • ieshapatterson

      Sad but true.nobody wants the crumbs when they can have the whole cookie.sorry,but i think black women might need to open up to dating/ marrying men of other race.

      • k

        No Black women don’t NEED to date or marry other men than our own.

        • Lisa

          No Black women do NEED to be open to dating outside our race!

          • Black women should date whoever they want ( who wants them in return). Ethnicity really is irrelevant , especially in a multi-ethnic society, where different groups often blend. What matters is what’s on the inside and how two people connect with each other.

        • ieshapatterson

          Lol says who?? And do you say the same thing to black men??

          • Kaori

            There would be no need to say such a thing to Black men because they already date non-Black women in high numbers.

            • ieshapatterson

              Then why tell black women that?? Why can’t we date out? Why can’t we be with men of different races?

              • Kaori

                I don’t tell Black women that. We can ‘date out’. We can be with men of other races.

                As far as other women telling Black women that – It makes sense to let other Black women know that she has options besides Black men.

        • Nicole

          I agree that should be open to dating outside of our race. I find it interesting that Black men don’t have a problem with Black men doing this, but they have a huge problem with Black women dating outside of the race

          • Nisha

            Whenever me and my husband see black men looking at us, we go right on ahead and keep it movin’. Who I’m married to is none of their concern. Also when I see a black man with a woman of another race, I keep it movin’ because I could care less…I’m happy as hell with who I married!!

        • Nisha

          So then Black men don’t NEED to date or marry other woman than their own but they do it anyway so…Black women have the right to do the same.

          • Black men date and marry the women they are attracted to and compatible with, no matter what that color is. Because of a shortage of quality black females, black men often have to look to other groups.

            • ItsMiah

              Quality black females? LMAO. Only thing lacking good quality is black men.

      • IonlySpeakTruth

        Sounds a little narrow minded, usually when a Black Woman can’t find a good Black Man, the issue is with the Woman…it is the type of men you attract and are attracted to…Every black man I know..has a college degree, a career, a home (not renting), good credit..etc.etc.. I wouldn’t associate myself with losers and the women that we have sought have always been black… My point is there are plenty of successful, well educated brothers out there..as long as you are not equating success with “Him popping bottles every night and driving a Bentley” if so ..then YOU are the problem

        • ieshapatterson

          Lol i get along with black men just fine.but i don’t make them the center of my dating pool.all I’m saying is black women need to keep their options open,when it comes to dating and marrying.

        • yeppers

          I get what you are saying i truly do….and I am not attracted to anyone poppin bottles in a club since I will not be in a club environment myself. But to whoever that guy is then maybe that is success to him…and to alot of YOUNG people that is success. (some old too) so i wouldn’t denigrate some peoples views on what is success. I know some WHITES and ARMENIANS that pop bottles in a club and drive several bentlys AND HAVE MILLIONS….I wouldnt call their success any less EITHER. How people chose to spend their money should not matter….however the dating preferences of these people should matter as that is what u should look at in a partner…if they just want fast women then dont expect a relationship from that type of man. If this type of man meets you and expresses true feelings toward you i wouldnt tell him off because he pops bottles….but he will respect me and a relationship he has with me. #period.

        • I Speak The Truth’s Hot Sister

          Riiiighhhtttt……Black men are #1 in every negative statistic; Jail, lack of education, STD’s, etc. Its not that simple, boo! Thumbs down me, but the truth is the truth.

        • I Speak The Truth’s Hot Sister

          Riiiighhhtttt……Black men are #1 in every negative statistic; Jail, lack of education, STD’s, etc. Its not that simple, boo! Thumbs down me, but the truth is the truth.

        • Nisha

          This is not true at all. I eventually dated and married a white man after dating black men and the problem was not all mine. I just didn’t want to deal with baby mama drama all over the place. I also didn’t want to deal with momma’s boys and men who couldn’t commit. Believe me, there are good black men out there, but you gotta look long and hard, and even when you meet them it doesn’t mean you are compatible.

      • I agree! You took the words right out of my mouth. Bw need to broaden their horizon.

    • The low options go both ways. Often when a woman complains about not being able to attract a partner the problem lays with her ! There are 155 Million men in the US, If you can’t find 1, then the problem is YOU ! Many of these women aren’t great options themselves, but of course they will never admit to that.

      • Since you have such a problem with Black women, why are you here? You don’t see how silly that is? Black men like you will always get what you deserve in the end. You just don’t know how to leave other folks alone. SMDH.

        • I don’t have a problem with black women, that’s you projecting your own insecurities.

        • I don’t have a problem with blk women, I just stated a fact. Just because a woman isn’t mating material doesn’t mean I dislike her as a person. There are a lot of great blk women out there, who just aren’t marriage material. That doesn’t make them bad people.

          BTW, i’m not black, i’m biracial

      • kelly

        It’s “the problem lies with her”…not lays with her…terrible grammar. One reason that – white or black or anything else, ignorance/lack of education/rap-type culture mentality is a turn off to people. Yeah, the problem doesn’t lays with her. It lies with her….

        • It’s called a typo, people make them from time to time i don’t know what hip[ hop or a lack of education has to do with this.

    • then we just go back to being humans, before the issue of race separated us.

    • Black men have to deal with low dating options among BW. There really aren’t that many quality BW in the US. So I can totally understand where you’re coming from.

  • Marisa

    Jealous of what I’m jealous of nobody because one thing I learned in life is, no matter how somebody life looks on the outside we don’t no jack squat about what really goes down on the inside. I think a lot of non black women and the brothas they date believe that notion to boost their own egos. Its not good enough just to be with whoever you want no some try to floss like OMG this totally making the sistas angry high five lol. Do white and asian men get this question because I don’t understand the emphasis on black women responses about the interracial dating. Matter of fact go ask the racist white dude arrested by the FEDS for sending death threats to Taye Diggs his wife and other black men who are involved with white women.

    That’s hardly ever brought in the discussion wonder why, seems to me there is a concentrated effort by many including the press to project the idea that black women are so inferior and don’t match up or are wanted by anybody, that all we do is sit around lamenting “all our menses are gone lord what is we gone do”. It should be noted that when Kobe was in the process of divorce with Vanessa before reconciling, it was not a black woman who rapped “She wasn’t with you shootin in the gym”. That line by Drake was the most repeated rap line of the year but, wonder what the reaction would be if Nicki Minaj, Trina or Eve would be if they rapped that line. It would oh girl yall black women just hatin on Vanessa cuz she aint black and about to get money blah blah blah.

    • i see your point, but it is too easy to see why a hatemonger (the racist white dude) would hate on the relationship between Taye Diggs and his wife, no big mystery there. but take me (for example) as a black woman who claims not to be racist, but yet hating to see black men in interracial relationships…..people are going to question the motive. it can only be one of two things envy or hate (as in racist). why else would it be so consuming to SOME of us??

    • You may not be jealous, but sadly many black women are jealous/bitter/hateful, hence all the negative , racist remarks

      • ItsMiah

        A lot of BW really don’t give a sh*t anymore especially the ones born in the 90’s like myself, it don’t even cross my mind. Only time interracial relationships cross my mind is when BM/WW are going out their way in front of me trying to make me notice them, I KNOW I’m not the only black girl that experienced this. I’ve had a white girl continuously look at me to see if I was looking at her and her BM, and how I knew she was staring is because my Hispanic homegirl was like “She keeps looking at you”. I’ve seen BM that act like they don’t even know the white girl they’re with when Black females walk up, and I’m like its not that serious. BM/WW want BW jealousy because it feeds their relationship when in all honesty whenever I hang around my girls and we’re talking NO ONE cares. We all start talking about being down with the swirl. Maybe its the back in the day BW that cared, but the new generation is over it. I’m just getting tired of BM/WW acting like BW mad at their love.

  • Girl Please

    Hell no! Jealous ??!! As a African American woman who has been married to 2 (yes 2!) White men I you can have all the black men you want AND take your white men back! Im running out of options…

    • realadulttalk

      Lmao–did you just give all the men back?

    • Na Na

      Jealous?? Heellll naw! as a collective group of women I do not desire their looks, thoughts, or positions in life.

      • maggie

        I agree, or their long list of genetic diseases, unusual sexual fetishes, etc . .

    • KIR12

      The same women complaining about black men dating white and non black women are the same women that were complaining 2 or 3 years ago about black men dating light skinned Black women. There issues are really not about black men.

      • Emily

        The issues are not about “white women”… it’s about white supremacy which is what an adulation for light/white skin is from black men and women.

        • That’s not the issue either. We men like what we like and not all men like the same things. The issue is certain women not being able to attract certain men that they feel they deserve and not properly adjusting their standards.

        • KIR12

          Actually it’s about you all want ing to be white or light skinned black women

          • But that’s not true, most black men typically end up with brown skinned black girls. Those of us with white mates are a relatively small group. The inability of certain blk girls to attract quality mates has nothing to do with us and everything to do with that girls individual flaws. If a person can’t attract a quality mate, then that’s an personal problem, it has nothing to do with anyone else. It’s a big world and a big nation, if a person can’t attract ONE, then that’s on them. Every woman is not attractive and is not going to attract every man. Also, every woman does not marriage material and that’s something that some women are going to have to accept. Some women are going to have to do an honest self-assessment and properly adjust their standards.

            • a hard truth! although i think most men in general end up with who ever they want to be with. i have never made assumptions about why another couple are together, whether interracial or not. it just doesn’t concern me. we were not raised to judge people by their coloring, and i tell my own kids….if you meet someone and all they do is talk about color….have nothing to do with that individual.

            • Victoria Wade

              Why are you on a black female website spewing your bullshit , about black women being ugly? Are you gay? Don’t you have your own male dominated website you can go on? Don’t you think of yourselve as being creepy to be surrounded by only women here, on a female website? You love white girls, but why come here, on a black female website, and say you love white girls? There is no white girls here.

              • I didn’t spew any BS, just the truth. No i’m not gay, why do you care ?

                I didn’t say i loved white girls, I love whoever I love. I’m well aware there are not white ladies here….. I’M NOT LOOKING FOR A DATE, so it really doesn’t matter. I’m sharing my opinion just like everyone else and trying to bring logic to a board with many bitter , jealous ,ranting , Debby Downers.

              • Just because my girlfriend is white doesn’t mean I love all white girls. That’s you projecting your bitterness and jealousy, you can’t even come with a logical statement.

  • Yay!

    Interesting. I look forward to watching more.

  • Jane Doe

    A white woman already lost when she is with a black man. She is a white women with a black man I am a black woman with a white man. Who wins?

    • Clue

      Wow….the self hate is strong within this one

    • mac

      Definitely not you, if that’s how you feel about yourself and your race.

    • Bey

      Not cool to say such self hating things. But to be honest I went to a predominantly white blog and saw this white man say something along the lines of this. So black folks please keep yourself hate to yourself.

      • Bey

        Other races see the self hate we have towards each other and think we are stupid and beneath them.

    • gogobear

      This certainly reinforces what you said above – you have some DEEP self hatred. Frankly, I am glad my friends and I will not have to worry about dating you “accidentally “…

  • thatonegirl

    How people choose to date is their business. However, I will say I feel like they have the upper hand because they don’t have to deal with the stereotypes that black woman have to deal with.

    • Sharon

      This is so true they don’t have to deal with stereotypes that black women faces. White women can be gold diggers, having a foul mouth, fight, lie, back stabbers, do drugs, steal, don’t have to have no education, they can be ignorant and they can do all this foolishness and get away with it and black men don’t have not one problem with it and make excuses for them. They smile and hand them all their money without one ounce of problem.

      • PlanetCharnBaby

        Actually, the type of white woman you described is usually labeled as “white trash” or “trailer trash” and treated as such. Although historically, black women have obviously had (and have) to deal with harder circumstances/stereotypes than any other demographic in this country, that doesn’t mean white women have some kind of exoneration from criticism. I don’t know what life experiences have caused you to believe that, but I think that kind of thinking just perpetuates the idea that women always have to be competing against each other, because the only thing we truly care about is “catching ourselves a man”.

      • Lola Guin

        “don’t have to have no education”

        I wouldn’t be calling people ignorant or uneducated if I didn’t understand that a double-negative is grammatically incorrect.

    • Everyone has to deal with stereotypes.

    • cassy

      Only slaves give people the upper hand