Ask A Very Smart Brotha: Why Kim K. Pulls High Profile Men Despite Her Sexual Past

September 12th, 2012 - By madamenoire

By Damon Young

I am not a fan of Kim Kardashian. I am also not not a fan of Kim Kardashian. “Indifference” usually describes the feeling I’m attempting to convey, but ‘indifference” isn’t strong enough of a word to describe how indifferent I am. Basically, I feel the same way about Kim that I feel about bonsai trees — I know some people like looking at them and others enjoy chopping them down, but if bonsai trees stopped existing tomorrow, “Damn, that’s too bad about the bonsai trees” would be the last thought I ever had about them.

That being said, I am fascinated with how much other people seem to be fascinated with her — a fascination that usually manifests in three separate ways

1. People fascinated with “Kim Kardashian, incorporated”

2. People fascinated by the fact that Kim Kardashian is so damn famous

3. People fascinated by and upset with the fact that Kim Kardashian still manages to be sought after by men despite doing basically everything women have been taught not to do to have men still seriously interested in them

Number 3 is of particular interest to me because, well, women around me (and by “women around me” I mean “Black women”) seem to be very interested in getting to the bottom of this.

“Basically,” to paraphrase their collective wonderment “how does Kim continue to get so much love from so many high-status men, and would a Black woman be able to do the same things she has done and still be successful?”

“It’s kinda complicated” I reply, “but not really complicated at all”

“Huh?”

“Lemme explain…”

1. Regardless of how you personally feel about Kim Kardashian, it is a fact that there are very many people (men and women) who think she is absolutely gorgeous. In fact, there are people who don’t just feel that Kim is the best looking women they’ve ever seen, they think its not possible to be better looking than she is. She is literally their epitome of female beauty. This matters because of something we all should have learned on our first day of Kindergarten: Life isn’t fair, and pretty girls and cool/high status boys play by a different set of rules than the rest of us. 

As long as Kim retains this status, there is nothing, I repeat, nothing, she can do to have men — well, some men (more on this below) — not interested in her. Just as a high-status man can continue Fawking up and still have women coming back (Hi, Stevie J), her looks give her a perpetual mulligan, and she will continue to get second, third, fourth and fourteenth chances that most other women won’t.

2. Also — and this is a fact that people seem to forget — Kim’s ‘relationship appeal” seems to be very limited. Yes, very many men and women find her very physically attractive, but the men she’s been publicly linked to — athletes, entertainers, and brothers of 90′s pop stars — are guys who, if they weren’t dating Kim, would probably be dating some other “urban model,” stripper, or groupie. There are no future doctors, lawyers, Obamas, or Cory Bookers lining up to wife Kim. In fact, even the more “corporate” Black athletes and entertainers, people like Jay-Z, Will Smith, and Lebron — men fiercely protective of their image — wouldn’t marry someone like her. Water tends to find its own level, and by dating several barely literate athletes and entertainers, Kim seems to have found hers.

I’m bringing this up because while many seem to think that non-Black women are given certain passes in regards to sex that Black women aren’t, women with public sexual histories lose points with men of all races, not just black men. Yes, it’s a double standard, but it’s a double standard that transcends race and culture.

As far as Kanye goes, I (obviously) don’t know what’s going on inside his head. But, I do know that this is a man who dated a Philly stripper for a few years and wrote a song on his last LP about falling in love with and marrying a adult video star. Basically, Kanye is just…different, and nothing about his relationship with Kim should surprise anyone who’s actually been paying attention.

Lastly…

3. If you flip through the pages of Jet Magazine or snoop through any of your friends’ Facebook profiles, you’ll undoubtedly come across some wedding albums. And, if you happen to know the people in the wedding albums, one thought may occasionally pop into your head:

“Wait…how the hell are they married? Wasn’t “The Hallway” her nickname in college? Who in their right mind would marry her???”

Yes, it is true that a person’s sexual past does have an effect on how they’re perceived. And yes, it’s also true that we’ve been taught that certain behaviors will make a person “undatable” or “unwifeable.” But people (men and women, White and Black) with full cemeteries in their closets get proposed to and married everyday.

I’m not saying that a person’s past doesn’t matter — trust me, everything that happened and is happening now affects everything that will happen in the future — but it’s not a death sentence either. Perhaps you won’t marry an NFL star or popular rapper, but, well, you probably weren’t going to anyway.

Pittsburgh native Damon Young (aka “The Champ”) is the co-founder of the ridiculously popular VerySmartBrothas.com. Their first book “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide To Dating, Mating and Fighting Crime” is available at Amazon.com

Image courtesy of WENN

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  • la yoyo

    america ,,, america ,,,why r black women so bitter? i am a black woman living in europe a i really dont have that problem here! black men love there black women,,,and the white men cant live with out us, it seems like in america is still cought op with the past, slavery ! here in europe every body is mixing with everybody we dont look at color or race,,, is just to sad,

  • eleriero

    ….why do people give a damn about who other people date in terms of
    race? All I’ve seen on here are bitter men and women who seem to be
    pissed off because they can’t get any love from ANY race.
    I don’t
    care who you date, but don’t sit here and judge others by the people
    they attract and date based on the color of their damned skin! Have we
    not EVOLVED from that line of thinking yet? Are we, as a race, still
    that damned insecure about this stuff?
    That’s actually sad and pathetic.

  • TruthTeller

    White men wouldn’t wife this chick up. She is only wanted by stupid black men. Kim K would kill to have a white Hollywood A list actor, singer or athlete as her man. But, it will NEVER happen in this lifetime. White man’s trash is a black man’s treasure (*shrugs*).

  • Nisha

    Long real hair= extensions
    Lighter than light skin= not
    Big butt= manufactured
    Small waist= photoshop
    The type to obey without questioning= unintelligent doormat
    She’s the perfect woman= for a BOY AKA one who refers to himself as a n***a

    • Yokessm

      See how your obvious hatred blinds you,you sound like a lonely , bitter,as$hole. You spent how long typing this up, does it make you feel better about yourself?
      For your information I was being sarcastic and I Am not a man. I’m not a hating woman either and where Kim gets her look from is not of my concern! Girl bye.

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  • Mohegen

    I can’t even believe this is a topic. This article touched much of what I already know about Kim and the men she dates. I commend Truth and Dust for their comments. There are a decent amount of women that may be bitter and like another poster said may have what they feel are legitimate reasons behind why they feel the way they do. I tell women all the time that some of us have a tendency of allowing men to treat us a certain way for the sake of having a man. Though I am not blaming women for the behavior of men I am saying that when women learn to take more pride in who they are and love themselves they will not tolerate being treated less than their worth. Men in turn will curb their behavior.

    On the other side of the coin men have to learn to take responsibility for their behavior and stop feeling like they are entitled to treat women with disrespect. I have seen grown men portray all sorts of disrespectful behavior towards women. The more society, men and women of all races continue to accept this ridiculous behavior it won’t stop.

    I am alone by choice not chance. I had the “pleasure” of witnessing a grown man throw a tantrum, bottles and stuff across his front yard. I stepped out of my car to make sure it was what I saw and yes he threw his recyclables across his yard because the utility company he called had him on hold and he had to pay his bill. I kindly got in my car and drove home. I finished the call for him since I got through while he was carrying on, I text him the confirmation of payment and never accepted another call or text from him. He passed through my neighborhood a few times and I gave him the death look. He finally asked, “Do you want me to leave you alone?” I responded with a smile and continued my conversation with my neighbor. He finally stopped trying to get my attention and sees me from time to time and waves I wave back and move on. I didn’t and refuse to condone that type of behavior. I know I deserve better and will find better. Had I stayed that would have been me he threw around.

    That incident has not deterred me from dating African-American men because I know that there are some that were raised with the same values I instilled in my boys. I just know that patience, God, faith and self-love will bring him into my life. In the meantime I continue to work on me and my continued success. Call me a queen a name well deserved.

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