Should We Be Taking Advice From Iyanla Vanzant?

March 1st, 2012 - By Charing Ball

According to Rhonda Britten, Vanzant co-star therapist on Starting Over, she and Vanzant too had issues on the set of their reality TV show and said that she was regularly on the receiving end of a bunch of rolling eyes, sharp comments and looks of disgust. Said Britten: “If she could one up me, she did. If she could get more TV time by walking over my coaching moments, she did. If she could mutter under her breath some put down that no one else could hear but me and the audio people, she did. This is what happens when we do not take responsibility for our pain. We unleash it on those around us. I believe she was doing the best she could. And her best hurt many people, including me. And, this is the sad part, she never cleaned up after her attacks. Sorry was not part of her vocabulary even when she was called out by the higher ups in production. Even when she was confronted with her behavior.”

But that’s old news. And obviously they, with exception of Britten, have made up, gotten over it and moved on in a big way. However, it makes you wonder how a woman of her esteem and consciousness could bring so much drama professionally? Moreover, I’m wondering if I could watch a show of Vanzant playing the archetypal all-knowing Earth Mother fixing other people’s lives when clearly she hasn’t done working on her own?

And maybe it is not an indictment of Vanzant as is it is on the whole self-help and life coaching industry in general. So many of us, particularly women, soak up a lot of this feel good, self-empowerment gobbledygook from folks, who aren’t too good at following their own advice. As a teen, I used to read her books a lot. I would do the daily affirmations from “Acts of Faith,” practice the exercises regularly in Don’t Give It Away: A Workbook of Self-Awareness and Self-Affirmations for Young Women and celebrated along with Vanzant through “Yesterday, I Cried: Celebrating the Lessons of Living and Loving.” There is no denying that Vanzant writes from a familiar and personal place that touches the crevices of the soul.

However I got over Vanzant and the whole self-help genre in general. I’ve seen to many self-appointed gurus walk in blaring contradictions to be comfortable listening to them. Plus, I think enough time has passed for me to get a decent perspective on life to know that no one can claim to be an “expert” in the sheer randomness of life nor could those who do call themselves experts, reduce life down to a set of tasks, motivational quotes and affirmations. And that’s not to say that Vanzant has to be perfect or isn’t entitled to mistakes but she should be consistent. But how valuable is advice if it is based around the cliché  “do as I say and not as I do?”

 

Charing Ball is the author of the blog People, Places & Things.

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  • escobme

    Iyanla, Fix Your OWN Damn Life!!! Not Qualified! Boop!

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  • boo

    A lot of what was stated in this “article” is not true. I’ve also watched the Oprah reconciliation show. Iyanla did in fact own up to her part, so you need to watch it more objectively and not look for log-lines to use out of context to fit your agenda. I’ve also read several of her books in which she definitely takes responsibility for her actions through revealing her personal tragedies and how she learned from them by releasing the ego, admitting her role, and doing the work to move forward. Sounds like you may need to do a bit of this work before you go around bashing a woman who has helped millions. What is your intention here anyway? Are you trying to do some kind of “expose” or are you just projecting your own instability and lack of self-responsibility onto a person that you want to emulate?

  • HBOP

    Looking forward to the show… All Teachers of All disciplines are first teaching themselves and then others..We can learn from ALL regardless of light or dark… We need to get out of this “Savior Complex”, looking for someone or thing outside of ourselves to save us and realize, we have all we need inside. “GOD WITHIN”  and in every person and thing.  Then we can open to grow more, love more, forgive more with less judgment and pointing the finger… WE ARE ALL DIVINE AND HAVE A PURPOSE and are on our own journey that incorporates all we attract into our lives for our own growth and development.  The greatest focus should be on self and service, instead of everybody else’s business. Love, Peace & Harmoy https://sites.google.com/site/soalightshc/

    • Tddowery

      Hi guys. I don’t really feel that there is anything to criticize here. The woman is spreading positivity in the world, and Lord knows there aren’t enough people doing that in this world. Take a look at the angst of the mother shouting at her child on the train, or a look at a murder story in the paper, or turn on the TV and see how people bicker with each other on talk shows, or how people smoke like chimneys absolutely any and everywhere they get a chance…this is not a world full of good vibes. It’s a world full of anxiety, depression, anger, disillusionment, hopelessness, apathy, angst…feel free to fill in the rest of the negative adjectives. If more people could have her way of viewing the world, it could be a far better, healthier and more productive place. I mean, even people who critisize things like the Bible…how can there be any harm in positive teaching intended to bring an inncocent joy and virtuous way of life into the world. Once again, it’s people’s negative perceptions and interpretations that taint the meanings that the Bible tries to communicate. It’s that negativity, that unawareness of one’s spirit that Iyanla is tring to rid the world of.

      Self awareness, our outlook is the key to our overall well-being. And it’s the state of your well-being that can have a positive or negative impact on those around you. It’s a domino effect.

  • Author Sarina

    I don’t judge one but judge the fruit n we ALL learn from our mistakes as long as we are growing n moving forward. I for one learned a lot from her, learned how to release my past, and yes, with God, and her help stand free today. I don’t understand why people find such enjoyment in holding others past mistakes over their heads n trashing them? I’m sure you have some old rotted skeletons you would not appreciate someone bringing up when you were trying to move on. If Oprah forgave her n God has forgiven her then who are we or you to hold it over her? I mean really some people just need to get a life of their own n leave others alone. If you disagree w her then just don’t watch. Simple. Blessings n I pray you find peace soon.

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  • Guest

    i think you meant “Yoruba priestess” not princess. : )

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