7 Things A Man Only Does If He’s Serious About You

138 comments
March 5, 2012 ‐ By Julia Austin
"Couple on a couch"

affairs2remember.blogspot.com

Ask about “that thing”

If you had a job interview you were nervous about, or a doctor’s appointment, a meeting about a possible promotion, or just something you had once mentioned was coming up and he makes a point of calling you up after to ask how it went, he is serious about you. Men who aren’t serious about a woman make a point of not asking for too many details about her life.

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  • gert

    Discussion #3, if a man asks a lot of questions…., is not true! There have been 3 men whom I have met who asked question after question about me and each time, I believed each one was interested in me. It was all a lie! Not one of them was interested in me and all walked away. Now, I answer few questions.

    • Daisy Dukes

      let me guess the questions the guys asked you (in this order):
      1. how old are you?
      2. What do you do for a living? (money)
      3. do you have kids?
      4. do they live with you?

      • mizz new money 2u

        HAHA HAHA HAHA

  • Nicky

    When a guy sends a text saying he wants to cuddle, he is trying to smash. I don’t agree with this list 100%. Some men are good at throwing these things mentioned in your face to get you hooked so they can get in them draws. When he puts a ring on it, that is how you know it’s real.

    • honeybee31

      Amen!!!

  • 009

    why are all the pictures of blacks?

  • name

    Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I have to disagree with a lot of this. I think that men can do some of the things on the list when they are in the courting stage. They will try to do everything they can do impress a women, even if he isn’t planning on having a serious relationship with her.
    When men are in the ‘I’m going to impress you stage’ they are on their best behaviour. Sometimes men in this stage have a goal to impress you and win you over even if they aren’t in love with you or even intend to have a long relationship.

  • Phoenix

    It’s ok, but will you be grateful about it or will you take it for granted. Because this 7 sign make me remember the 14 nice thing you shouldn’t do.

  • Priscilla

    My ex-boyfriend dumped me 0ne week ago after I accused him of seeing someone else and insulting him. I want him back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me. I was so confuse and don’t know what to do, so I reach to the internet for help and I saw a testimony of how a spell caster help them to get their ex back so I contact the spell caster and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 2days that my ex boy friend will return to me and to my greatest surprise the 2nd day my ex boy friend came knocking on my door and begging for forgiveness. I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that, we are about getting marry. Once again thank you drcharlesspelltemple@hotmail.com . You are truly talented and gifted….Priscilla

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  • Lotus

    This article is just a reminder of how EVIL todays guy really is. They’ll b showing ALLL the right signs and still be playing not trying to commit. The blame is ALWAYS on the woman 4 our god-given emotions we automatically put into a man we spend all our time with and love, that does and says all the right things

  • Roycee Harris

    A good friend told me one time when on the Beach in my tight bathing suit, that I was doing it all wrong trying to attract these beautiful women who would just walk away when they saw me
    laying on the nice beach. My friend said what you do is take a sweet potato and place it in your Bathing suit. So few hours later he came back by to ask how it’s going, I said no slow go, they just look and almost take off running. Well he said, I see the problem, you have the Sweet potato in the back and it belongs in the front. After that, had so many girls, couldn’t remember names. Had those little cutties all over me. important to pay attention to those small details.

  • Kareem

    Wow. This is dead on point.. how do you tell if a woman is serious about you?

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  • Tisha Matthews

    I had a guy who did all those things. And while he was with me, he married someone else.

  • Miss Tee

    It’s funny after reading this article I wasn’t sure and still not sure what to get from it? After reading all of the below comments had me thinking about my past relationship. I was in a relationship on and off for 5 yrs I was always the one who came back after every fall out. So many promises about living together, marriage etc.. I knew the last time I saw him would be my last time in my life! However I wanted to go out cool and classy but to make a very long… story short “it didn’t go down that way at all!” The one thing I learned from that evening was I love myself first and foremost and no man can make me want something so bad to keep moving in the wrong direction. I know there is a man or woman out there that can relate to this. So if you can understand that then it’s time to move forward, and it may start off hard but if you love yourself enough it won’t be hard to move forward! LOVE LIVE AND LAUGH

  • Dizhane Jones

    i cant even see it.

  • Raygirl

    Honestly, women are also included in this list. I feel women who don’t do this also don’t care about there men. I look at the women in this comment section. They sound entitled and self-centered. I bet half of them are single. If you want to know why your man cheats and leaves you, here are a few reasons

    Expectations unrealistic and too high
    You feel entitled to get all the attention and marriage, when you really haven’t shown you are into HIM. You just want someone to feed you emotionally or a wedding to show off to your no good “friends”
    You don’t trust him to begin with, and you are too critical
    You don’t listen to HIS feelings, you’re only concerned about your own.

    And from the comment section, I can already see majority of the women up here fit this description. :/ SMH.

    This list is definitely true. A man who is not interested wouldn’t be doing this stuff for you. Now if later he decides you are not worthy, normally he will stop doing it after a while, especially when he cheats. But his intentions may have been to be with you.

  • TheBigKing1

    Pretty accurate article.

  • spiderphil

    Article is bullshit

  • Dayna Ward

    In my perspective, Virtual Clover said it best, so my kudos, goes there. I’d much rather be in a long term committed relationship and avoid a troublesome marriage with its flaws all-together.
    Many of us have either been there or almost been there. I’ve been there three times already. And I married young the first time to a man 20 yrs my senior and yes I have hang ups about marriage, its cheap and easy to get married and expensive to say the least to get married. I’d much rather keep a great friend and a lover than do all of the societal dictates and marry again.

  • ReRe

    One thing I dislike about these kinds of posts is that MOST of the opinions are from women writers!! How about getting a man to write articles like these. Their perspectives on what turns a man on and off, or why a man does/doesn’t do something are more accurate. Most women are writing from their experience, Yes, but most of the time you DON’T know the reasoning behind why the guy did what he did. I don’t find these types of articles, written by women, very helpful.

  • Paul Dronette

    Yeah. As a guy, I can say I do/did all of this with a woman, and women, that I didn’t really like or didn’t see a future with.

  • Scott H

    Wrong… Some guys just aren’t use to dealing with women. Also guys do not talk as much as women! I’m sorry we don’t act like you and ask you about everything -_- I for one am an introvert and people often/always mistake my personality as hostile… So forget you and your sexist articles!!!

    • mizz new money 2u

      Wow back up…only a article…

  • Miranda

    I want to use this opportunity to thank Dr. Book for helping me get my lover back after he left me few months ago. I have sent friends and my brothers to beg him for me but he refused that it is all over between both of us but when I met this Dr. Book he told me to relaxed that every thing will be fine and really after three days of contacting him, I got my man back. so thank you so much Dr. BOOK. here is the email address if you want his help. testimonytemple@gmail.com……..MIRANDA

  • diva63

    did it ever occur to any of the ladies reading this dated info that guys are reading this to. ladies it goes deeper than this, players are still playing

  • rick

    Ladies get a life, If your man wants you you will know by his words and actions. This is just pulp to get you to read.

  • shellyrock

    I don’t think there is a list, only time will tell and its always a risk and a chance because things constantly change, We constantly change, but its a beautiful thing when you have some one to share moments (good or bad) with and they accept and love you as who you are and you them even if you both change over time. Isn’t that family, the ones we choose ourselves?

  • Smithj

    This article is BS.

  • http://www.facebook.com/claudia.farrell1 Claudia Farrell

    Relationships are like marriages, if its good it will keep. Relax and enjoy life.

  • immaculate

    You can invite him for outing an you see how hes behaviors in the society, that can also detect that he loves you. At times he can refuse to give you company and shares with his friends. It really hates a lot if he behaves like that.

  • http://www.debtconsolidationcare.com/User/NathanielCopeland Nathaniel Copeland

    Given all the discussions and the ideas proposed by the article, the moot question still remains: Why does a guy after having met every bullet point on the check list is still not ready? It is either pathological for men everywhere (at varying degrees) or is there a point (or a few) missing on this list?

  • blackgirlgoodcredit . com

    All of these things are correct but who cares about all of that crap? I want to know how the man REALLY is. Thats why I don’t project an ideal or illusion on the man because he’ll try to keep the charade up until he finally gets you, then his true colors come out. And his true colors may not necessarily be bad, but they’ll be what you should expect for the rest of the time you’re with him.

    • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

      Its hard to fake real interest and regard for someone. Even sociopaths cannot keep that charade going for long.

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  • jc taylor

    hmmm it ain’t easy ladies.  it ain’t that easy at all.  Reading some posts regarding a man who is “helpful” or “generous” but may be non committal.  Isn’t being generous ~ enough?  Recently, meaning within past 6 months i communicated with a woman i have known for 25 years and have liked from day 1.  We never got together, not her fault.  She was in a relationship and then i was.  I moved to different states.  Occasionally i would return to NYC and always say hello.  This year we spoke about her birthday. I did her chart and also an analysis and sent it to her.  She never emailed back a thanks.  I won’t call or write again.

    Appreciation goes a long way to making a relationship happen.  In this society where beauty is king and men chase women as moths are attracted to light, gifts and attention are often seen as entitlements.  I see it with my kids.  I’m supposed to “give” them a car and finance their immaturity, and addictions.

    The men have their fears and their “wounds” from childhood and life’s journey as do the women.  We do not date goddesses with the wisdom of Auset (Isis) or the compassion of Mother Theresa.  We date homo sapien sapien females.  These are the females of the most predator species on this planet.  These are the great hunters species.  Dating a homo sapien sapiens female can feel like being out on a date with a tyrannosaurus rex female.  Ladies ~ high heel shoes do not make the experience any better.

    We are who we are, and this is our journey. If it is a relationship we desire then we must put the predator aspect aside and function from our other aspect ~ compassion and wisdom.  The monthly cycle or menopause does not give a free pass from acting with compassion.

    I am not defending men.  Often we do not have a defense.  I will not apologize for men either or for myself.  Speaking for myself I do the best i can do based on what i know at that time.  And i would submit this goes to the crux of many men’s problems.

    What do we know?  What are our aspirations?  Who does he want to be?  What are his soul’s goal?  Does he know?  Has he had this discussion with himself?  Does he dare to discuss this with you, and you, your soul desire with him?

    If you desire to know the man, then quit talking to his muscles or his wallet or his …well, you know, his other brain!

    Find YOUR soul and discuss with him his soul and his efforts to discover it.  In my mind this is where the companionship becomes cemented.  Then the two of you can share a soul’s journey.

    • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

      Dang man did you think maybe your chart went into her spam folder and she never saw it?

  • ImaguysoIknowhowguysthink

    ‎1. Asking about that thing – This is reasonable as long as you don’t expect us to ask about EVERY thing that you do. We care, but we have no intention of policing you.
    2. Clarifying missed calls – Some women expect men to clarify every missed call. This isn’t reasonable. If we talk, we talk. If we don’t, we don’t. As long as he doesn’t disappear for multiple days you should be ok.
    3. Offering to help – This is basic chivalry. This is a keeper.
    4. Planning Ahead – Not all women plan ahead. Some people just do things spur of the moment or are bad planner. That has little to do with love.
    5. Care about you career – This one was talking about the guy telling the his girl how to advance in her career or be happier in it. Not everyone is open to this. Many people, male and female, would be offended about this type of conversation. Most guys don’t want to feel like they’re “telling you what to do” so they will leave you alone about it unless you bring it up. I don’t think that most women would like the reality of this if it actually happend to them.
    6. Brags about you – This depends on the person. Everyone isn’t a bragger.
    7. Just wants to cuddle – Wanting to cuddle is fine, but the “I want to cuddle” text doesn’t sound realistic.

  • Jada

    To me, this list is not to be used to find out if someone wants to marry you or not. It’s just a list of things that should be a given in any relationship. There’s no magic list that tells you if a guy is serious. You have that womens intuition, plus you should just be able to ask how he feels and get a real answer. There’s no magic answer either. It all boils down to following your heart. If you are honest with yourself, you will come to the right conclusion.

  • BrittanyLouis

    This is a pretty misleading list. I date a guy who is just nice like this, he also tends to leave a trail of broken hearts behind him because chicks latch onto him thinking that his niceness = I want to date you. 

    You know when I knew he actually gave a damn about me? When I asked him. Stop trying to read between the lines ladies and open up a positive discourse with your man about how you both feel. It’s better than asking your friends or reading on it online. 

    • Tenisha

      This is awesome, makes me want to give my man a high five after reading this..

      http://tenishajones.com/2012/03/19/why-im-pro-life/

    • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

      Well that’s a warning sign. Men who are into you PROFESS their feelings. If he’s giving you mixed signals to the point where you have to ask means he has mixed feelings for you.

      Your first warning sign should have been “trail of broken hearts” DISCERN ladies. Look at the bigger picture. Odds are you aren’t that much more special than the “trail” of women he disappointed.

  • AnotherMalePerspective

    As a guy, I would absolutely co-sign on this article. These are things that we would do if we were seriously CONSIDERING a future with you. It is not to say that the guy is going to pop the question. It doesn’t even mean that you are the only one that is being considered. I’ll let that part sink in.

    Using a job interview analogy, there may be a few candidates that are available. Maybe the one he wants isn’t available (yet). Maybe you are the one. In either case, he will do things to let you know that he is interested (ie you are still in the running). When a guy is ready for a COMMITMENT, it is like offering the job: Temp (girlfriend) , Contract (engaged), Hired (married).

    Don’t confuse seriousness with commitment-readiness. A woman could have serious wifey potential, be a good mother, intelligent, and all that. But if dude ain’t ready to be committed, all that does is put her at the top of the list for if/when he does get serious. 

    • MzPW

      I respect your point, I really do….but the problem with that male-centered logic is that while the brotha is still trying to get himself “ready” to be committed, he may not realize that the most valuable “candidates” for the position could have received other job offers. Considering the stiff levels of competition (and if that lady is intelligent enough to know when to walk away), who’s really losing out here?

      *Nope, not related directly to the article but it sure does show up in real life…

  • Affya777

     there is a man in my life who does all these things for me, not the kind of man who is shallow yet i know he has a girlfriend. so it still doesn’t make sense to me

    • Cinna

      YOU probably don’t make sense to you. He has a girlfriend? Why don’t you leave other women’s men alone and go and find yourself someone who isn’t interested in opening up AT LEAST 2 pairs of legs. It sounds like you need to get your standards in line.

      • anon

        ^^^LOL!!

  • Kyla

    Noir, Y’all gotta be kidding. The best players KNOW to do ALL of this.  Pfft. 

  • PlasticMan

    Do you ladies realize that there are some men who do not want too get married and they tell you up front….but you don’t listen! You think you can change their mind but in reality all you are doing is setting yourself up for disappointment. A good man that knows how to treat a lady will do all of the things but he will also tell you he doesn’t want mariage. That does not mean he doesn’t want a commitment just not that commitment. Ihave been with thesame women for 16 years and we are both fine and committed.

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  • malsings07

    First let me start off by saying that even if your older I’m 56 and he was 63 you can still run into the same “commitment issues” I’m divorced so was he and both of us have granchildren. The 7 little acts aren’t necessarily true because he is a good man I just couldn’t hang around without a committment he gave me the ring but no words behind it. Just be true to yourself.

  • Francissearcy88

    My hun fits all of the above.

  • Dwhitter1

    Lord have mercy, ladies… Guilty until proven innocent, huh? (That’s what I get for reading a women’s article) Maybe if you ease up on the preemptive prosecution, you would find a man worth a damn. Is a good/successful man willing to put up with such bitterness and judgement? I agree that there are without a doubt terrible, evil men out there. I know that there are also good ones… Maybe you need to change you “prospecting” process. Holding every man accountable for one of your ex’s actions will have you alone. And don’t day you don’t care. You wouldn’t have read this article if you didn’t.

    Oh, and yes I am married to a beautiful black young professional (I am one as well) woman whom I do not cheat on or abuse. Peace and love sisters…. Done with lunchtime so back to work.

    • Themcleods

      Amen Brother.  I was just “listening” to all of these posts and wondering to myself…..”It takes TWO to have a relationship.  It can’t be ALL him.”  What are the ladies out there brining to the table?  There are no shortage of no good men out there…..but too….no shortage of women who confuse being strong and liberated with loud, boisterous and demanding.
      Before anyone asks…..I’ve been married to my wife for 22 years, my only two children are with her….AFTER we got married (threw that in there for GP).

  • Elfm226

    This happens all the time. Alot of men will do these things, but still have a different mindset. The fact that men have a change of hearts isn’t the thing that pisses me off, it’s the fact that they don’t say anything about it. They like to play mind games, you just have to be smart enough to know when to walk away from the BS. It’ll be nice to meet someone that’s sincere from the beginning to the end for a change.

  • Respect

    does MN have a man or is she married? Doubt it

  • Bitterswtkizz

    I find that MEN are non-verbal and women of course communicate VERBALLY and often time these non-verbal signals are understood as something altogether different from a woman perspective.

    For instance, If a MAN cuddles with you it should NOT be assumed that it’s anything more than cuddling unless he indicates that it’s MORE.

    Men tend to DO plenty of things just for the sake of doing those things but it isn’t necessarily attached to emotions.

    Cuddling doesn’t equate to a serious relationship or MARRIAGE nor does those other gestures…this is a COMMON mistake that a lot of women make which leads to hurt feelings and then a HEATED argument because you feel mislead.

    If you desire MARRIAGE then you should indulge a man that seeks the same and DO not engage in such things with every man thinking that it MEANS marriage because they did that.

    When MEN actually begin to express his genuine feelings for you, please just LISTEN and trust and believe IF he’s being earnest ACTIONS will follow those very words.

    In this day and age, it”s hard to find a MAN and woman that hasn’t indulged in EVERYTHING that why it’s good to hold back on a lot of things until you both know that the relationship is blossoming into something LASTING!

    Some of you tend to do everything on the checklist thinking that it will earn you a man’s HEART—trust and believe MEN are just fine when you tell them NO—we aren’t ready for that yet—that’s what makes GOOD wives! You will certainly be that WOMAN that this man will be telling his friends that’s going to be my WIFE one day–TRUST me!

    And spend time courting your mate and don’t get so WRAPPED up on what certain thing s mena you cannot enjoy dating if you are always trying to figure out what’s going on. Got out with and enjoy—if he takes you HOME enjoy that as well and most of all PRAY about each and every relationship it will save you from a lot of agony and GRIEF!

    • Bitterswtkizz

      oops* Go out with his friends and enjoy….*things mean…..

      Oh yeah and treat each situation individually rather than grouping every MAN with the previous MAN. And give your mind, HEART and BODY(if you’ve been have SEx) time to HEAL rather than trying to GET over and old relationship with a new one.  

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/LUSYT6O2LZWN6S2P32ZU5RR42M grace t

    bullshit believe that if u want to but foolish is what u will be.

  • Janella464

    How do I show this post to a close friend without offending her? She’s been dating this guy for 2 years…she’s never met his family, never been to his house, he never discusses their relationship, misses calls or doesn’t call for weeks, and she’s only met one of his home boys. I’m not sure if she’s being willfully blind, but I think this blog post has many of the components she should be looking for. *sigh*

    • Cinna

      From what you described, you can just tell your friend with all certainty that the guy she is dating…is married. It is unbelievable what some women will tolerate and every fact you mentioned about this sad association is absolutely ridiculous and unacceptable.

      • lolly

        exactly..Dude is married probably with children. 2 years and you still haven’t met anyone or been to his house and not calling for weeks. smh

    • mizz new money 2u

      She knows their not dating…fwb

  • TheTruth

    I DO NOT agree with the “just wants to cuddle” part. The last guy i dated told me that he couldn’t sleep good unless i was next to him & that it felt so good sleeping next to me and cuddling etc., and at the end it didnt mean Shiiitt he just want to hit it!

  • E Ramseynoel

    OR they do things like this to get you to put out, but really they aren’t serious at all…

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  • Team nymphis

    When he sleeps over and doesn’t hide his phone & wallet

    When he gives you access to the remote control

    When he talks to you while he’s shxttin

    • Tussy78

      When he does everything that he says he would do.
      When his pet name for you is beautiful.
      When he tells you he loves you all day everyday.
      When he tells you he wants to grow old with you.
      When he talks about how we will raise our kids together.
      When his mom cooks for you!

      • Team nymphis

        When he doesn’t complain about your stretch marks…even though you look like Tony the Tiger

        When he lets you look up while he’s doggystylin

        When he’s willing to run a red light at that time of the month

        • Msfab73

          Lol !

        • Oluwafolarin

          looooooool #SHOUTOUT TEAM NYMPHIS

  • Wuluwulu

    How about he just tells you, and then you know for sure.  Why us woman have to always get these articles about reading signals?  No wonder so many of us are getting strung along, or being setup for failed relationships because we are reading signals that we think means everything is alright, when really everything is all wrong.  If you really must know where the relationship stand and if he is seriously considering a future together then ask. Better to scare him away with your question than to give him another 5 years of your life reading false signals.

    • Tony Sloany

      With all due respect in my experience with women I’ve learned exactly the opposite of what you’re saying here. Far too many people have learned the art of saying ‘what sounds good’ with no intentions of following it up with action.
      So yeah, in short, you’d like for people to say the right thing but it’s far more important to actually see them doing the right thing(s) on a consistent basis day after day after day.
      Reference the lyrics to the Temptations ‘A Love I Can See’ and you’ll know what I mean.
      Much love to you

      • Wuluwulu

        We are most likely all intelligent ppl here, of course nobody is going to just sit back and accept only mere words with no actions to back it up with.  But a woman just sitting around reading these articles and thinking all she has to do is check off the appropriate boxes to know her man is really “in to her”  without having a real conversation about where the relationship is headed, and what they both hope to get out of it may be also setting herself up for a longgggggggggggggggggggggg journey to nowhere. 

        • FABCHICK

          Sorry, but it doesn’t always work that way, wuluwulu. My man would always lie to me; he always told me what I wanted to hear. So, yeah, I could just believe him (and I did, for quite some time, until I found the truth), but what if his actions conflict? What if he says he is serious about you but never calls you; you always have to call him to hear from him?  He never offers to pick you up for a date? So on and so forth? Something’s gotta give….

          • FABCHICK

            Let me add – I agree with you that she should address it with him, but I did that with mine and it got me nowhere but pain and mental trauma. That might not be the case with everyone, but for me it led down a very very bad road.

  • sweettea

    I think the point of this post was how to tell if hes in to you not how to tell if he’s gonna marry you. If he wants to marry you the signs are not these cute little things

  • Squeezablechic

    Here’s a better list:
    1. He prays for you.
    2. Introduces you to his friends/family.
    3. Gives you access to his place.
    4. Cooks for you.
    5. Asks about your kids and includes them.
    6.Speaks about your future together.

    • Tony Sloany

       Um yeah that’s kinda the same bag of groceries as the article no?

      • Cinna

        Um, no it’s not the same bag of groceries. Not by a long shot. Go back and compare them again.

    • Melyssa

      OH and your number 2..!!??? Is the new swindle.. dudes nowadays familiies and friends already know the lowdown so by him bringing a female around for functions no longer means squat, introducing a female to his mother no longer carries the same “She’s The One” meaning as it once did.  I wouldn’t put too much stock in that ladies.  #JustSayin

      • lolly

        agree! I’ve heard of many women taken around the family and freinds that were basically jump off/booty call status once all was said and done! #real talk

      • Guest

        Agree. I had a guy bring me to his mother’s house and he introduced me to his family and it didn’t mean anything. He even said it didn’t mean anything.

      • mizz new money 2u

        The worst part family play right along;=))

    • guest

      Prayer means nothing.  Lots of cheats pray in church….doesn’t make you a good person.  You are either good and kind or not.

    • Smeemts

      #5 is a long shot! Kids are usually a dealbreaker. There are a few that are cool with raising someone else’s kids, but they’re the exception. Good luck with that!

      • mizz new money 2u

        I know…I nobody’s momma

    • VirtualClover

      If he prays for me, I know the sex is going to suck big time, out the door he goes.

      Dealbreaker

      • Cinna

        And you would know this how? You don’t seem like the type who would have been involved with a man who would pray for her…or pray at all. By the way, great avatar. SMH.

        • Jake Hartwell

          You evidently were hurt and a lot and your choices of men have clouded your judgement

      • K.c.

        Oh my gosh…the hilarity of this statement!

      • Andrea Clark

        Not necessarily, men from all walks of life can and get the job done. If he prayed for you chances are he do anything to please you.

      • seasonedtoserve

        Actually no. I have one that prayed for me. However, as far as a true good man.. good fruit can’t bare bad fruit. A persons character is either good from within or not. Character proves in the end

      • Just Me!

        LMAOOO! This made me laugh louder than I should have.
        I dig your point, though. ;)

    • Cinna

      I love this list. Especially #1. Any man who does that where his woman is concerned is definitely worth his weight. Numbers 3, 5 and 6 are great ones too. Loved the whole list. Thanks for the alternative.

    • lolly

      I think #6 is the only realistic one. The rest are just “I dig you enough to do this for you for the time being” type stuff.

    • Amina

      One can do all this and still be a scumbag and cheat

    • justlove

      Wow seems like he was the one for me after reading that and I lost him due to dating an idiot he was doing exactly all of those things you should write a book

    • seasonedtoserve

      I’d add, spiritually minded men can be more mature and capable of loving us and valuing a woman. Some however, are just men at the end of the day unfortunately. I would say after #6 he and you actually set date for Wedding, plan together, pay on location for wedding /recepton, send out invitations then buy the dress

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003537877124 Monique Jackson

    Be nice about it, but I didn’t mince words with my husband.  It was good we had attended the same college and knew each other, but when he was brought back into my world, I relaxed, had fun but along the way, especially when it got serious, made it known, I am not here for kickin’ it!  We both are beyond that phase.  A man knows if he wants you.  It doesn’t take over 2 years to know this.  Anything beyond that, you’re being strung along.  I know women who have waiting 5 years or more.  Not me.  These eternally engaged folk and forever fiances set themselves up, just for that. 

    • christielove

      @Monique Jackson: You are so right! My cousin has been engaged to her man for seven years now and been living together since 03. I tried telling her that she is being strung along plus her man has been cheating on her since they been together,smh!. I hope that one day my cousin will wake up and get some sense.

      • KeptWoman

        Damn! It’s better to be Single & Happy, than shacking up and miserable. Smh

        Do they have children together? Just keep “baby girl” in prayer. Some women don’t to be alone. They will settle for the BS, rather than be alone. In some states, you would be considered his “common law wife” anyway if you have shacking up(cohabitating) with someone for 7 yrs or longer.

        • Melyssa

          It’s better to be Single & Happy, than shacking up and miserable”

          You can say that again!!!  *Humph*

        • justlove

          Right on !

      • guest

        I hope she doesn’t lose her youth, beauty and reproductive years to this fool.  That is the worse mistake we can make.  You hang on waiting for someone to come around til one day you can no longer have kids and he has moved on with someone else, kids and all!  Don’t be that girl ladies!

        • FABCHICK

          I agree (I was that girl, lost my womb to cancer while I was with him, and I’m almost 35 and I don’t look great anymore – so I’m basically damaged goods and have no chance in hell on the playing field and no kids, ever)

          • Guest

            That’s really unfortunate.

          • tracy

            Sure you have a chance 35 yrs is not old and without a womb you can still have kids. I heard from the doctor women do not need wombs to have kids, all they need is EGGS, which can be taken out and frozen. I have met mean monster guys who purposely try to hurt me and wasted my time but im still having kids and getting married and I am 40 yrs old.

            • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

              How you carry a baby without a uterus? Do you mean get a surrogate?

              • Just Me!

                She wrote “have”, not “carry”. ;)

          • mizz new money 2u

            ADOPTION IS ALWAYS A OPTION :-)!

      • Kristen

        I’m super late but is your friend still dating/engaged to this guy?

      • DehliaLopez

        When she is ready it will happen, until then it won’t.

    • BahaGyrl

      I agree with you Monique. I told my husband when we were dating what I wanted and asked him what he wanted. We dated for one year when he said we would get married. Into the 2nd year he proposed and we had a beautiful wedding. I think sometimes we as women, tend to settle too quickly with what our men wants. If it works for some women, fine. But know that we allow what happens in our lives. Engaged for 4 or 5 years in my opinion is too long! But, again, if it works so be it. It’s just not for me.

    • Fabchick

      Oh, yeah, I actually was dumb enough to wait through our wedding being called off 3 TIMES by him and for five years of what ended with his 30 year old butt running after a co worker who had just turned 18! And he was nice and did everything on that list, so that crap guarantees nothing! What a waste of my life.. Girls, listen to Monique, don’t give it more than 2 years.

    • DehliaLopez

      Congratulations.

  • http://g00.me/7k << Work at home, $45/h, link

    Better to remain silent and be thought a fool that to speak and
    remove all doubt

  • yardgyal

    Negative…had a guy who did all the above but still wasnt ready. Some guys are just good guys and that is that…doesnt mean that he is ready for you, even if he is good to you. Know your worth and know when to walk away if a commitment isnt made. How about when he says…I want a commitment and act accordingly? why isnt that on the list?

    MN stop with the one size fits all BS! 

    • Guest

      Lol I was about to post the same thing! He can do all those things and still be emotionally unavailable.

      • huhsaywhat?

        I was also about to post that this list is misleading.

        I dated a man who was essentially a “good person” and did all of the above but ALSO had MAJOR commitment issues. He was a life-long serial monogamist and admitted that he needed to get his sh*t together before he turns 40…lol

        He’d agree that a man can do all of the these things and still not commit.

        • DehliaLopez

          Glad “you” moved on, here’s hoping you are happuwr.

      • kawulira

        no no no no if a man can give you his time he loves u then

    • Tinker

      I agree with you. I had a guy who did all this but still avoided the question of whether we were in a relationship or not.

    • Bobbie Duncan

      Thank you, Yardgyal! I thought it was just me..I’ve had men do ALL of these things and still play games. This list is rather weak. There’s just no telling when a man is “ready” until he’s actually “ready”.

    • Bobbie Duncan

      Thank you, Yardgyal! I thought it was just me..I’ve had men do ALL of these things and still play games. This list is rather weak. There’s just no telling when a man is “ready” until he’s actually “ready”.

    • tastythoughts

      dit to the O….these things a relationship per say does not make….as yardgyal said.

    • VirtualClover

      Agreed. If they offer to fix stuff it can just as easily mean they like fixing stuff. Or just thoughtful guys. They can even invite you to meet their entire families, guarantee your time (especially if they’re insecure and need a babysitter or scared you’ll hook up elsewhere), and still not necessarily be wanting anything more than a nice little tie for however long it lasts.

      I think a big problem are all these expectations women need to have to be assured of some long term commitment and putting in all the wrong energy. If a guy is hanging with you, he likes you enough to be there then else he wouldn’t be there. And so what if he doesn’t call you 40 times a day, are you that pitiful you need a babysitter? 

      I have a best friend and sometimes we don’t talk for a couple weeks and neither one of us worry about it. We know we’re friends, we know we care deeply, we know we’ll always have a place in each other’s lives. We check in and then do our own thing…because we’re grown and don’t need constant attention.

      Perhaps if women would learn how to be companions, friends, real one – and not as an ego pump jump into marriage, but friendship for its own sake, they’d figure out that their relationship becomes a real alliance and not some poster child for a wedding ring.

      I think a lot of women bring this on themselves…

      • jc taylor

         i found your insight into this topic to be the the most insightful.  Things are changing.  I personally do not know if I like some of the changes but they are changing just the same, whether i like them or not.  Some people desire old time labels with modern privileges.  Not to be provocative, but if women want modern freedom, they why should the men be locked down in marriage.

        The rules are changing and the men feel under represented.  There is a cultural disconnect and the men are not connected to it.  Marriage today is determined by European common laws, and the new freedoms women are being set by statutory laws.  Things certainly needed to change, but which laws represent  black male interests?

        You have the matrilineal  African American female supported by a patrilineal European society, in the laws, culturally and in the media.

        Sure the men desire a woman in their life, but there is no ying and yang harmony in what the black male is experiencing.  This is not to say the male is living with integrity or is spiritually conscious.  I am saying we need to have a different discussion than is taking place in society.

        There is a simple question none of these posts address.  Some do say the man is generous.  So the man may be a nice guy.  But not one lady has said, “what does the man want?”

        • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

          That’s fine if the man doesn’t want to be married. More power to him. All I ask is that he is abundantly clear on that point with any woman he involves himself with and forgoes fatherhood. Our communities cannot take another generation of fatherless children. Its to detrimental.

          • DehliaLopez

            Agreed. Its then up to the woman, stay or move on?

            • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

              Its up to HIM not to make children with women he doesn’t want to marry.

        • Elegia Hermosa

          I don’t think importance so much on asking what a man wants? because if knowing that is helpful, you can’t ask it with knowing what You, as a partner, wants. The next thing after that is reality, not just facing it but implementing it. Why? Because there’s many things I want, but don’t really need and many other things I want and could have but do I have the financial/spiritual/soulish/physical “bank” to afford and maintain?

          Most industrious men and even the wanna-bes flashing cash in videos, reveal the important value men place on money. “Money is time”, a resource if wasted, I can never get back. As a woman, I won’t tolerate waste of neither. I’m an asset in more ways than even sometimes I can believe! My ex dumping me and everything he did before and after that, was the best thing that ever happened to me. Only fools brag and expose their wares; tempting the best of vandals and thieves. A squander-er says exactly what you “want” and nothing more. Wants often leak through your broken places as a distraction or substitution for what you “need”.
          What you want and what you need, as an individual, should be your focus. Then you can see clearly whether a person is for you or not–by the way they speak and how much they speak to each one. There are far more than 7 things you should ensure are correct for you, and whatever those things are… It shouldn’t be dictated to you from Media-ville; where neither marriages nor couples last. Make them yours, and when your gut makes that buzzer sound?

          Listen to that smart intuition and wisdom, because it’s not signaling a “denied want”.Rather, its alarm is sounding a “denied need”.What you need deals with your spiritual side, and we all have one regardless the way you tap into it. Make sure your spirit is whole and full, but acquaint yourself with and administer to the broken places within it.

          Your life is your first city, country, and homeland: draft soldiers as desired, but It’s your right and duty to die–if need be–faithfully defending your nativity. A king’s table is glorious and filled with bounty! In lean years or hard times, you won’t find him scavenging. But if your spirit is broken, mended, and left to gangrene you’ll look royal but behave like a beggar.What does a beggar’s bowl look like? Not much, crumbs here, and scraps there but if you put them together, you’ll have quilt. It might sound comfy but here’s better imagery: Remember Michael jackson’s face before all the plastic surgeries? Some people’s love life resembles that and once you’re on that road, you can never go back. Whatever is tucked, nipped, grafted or tilted, will keep needing re-adjustments and surgery to keep it lifted. Look at your bank and worth, remember money is time. Can your time and money banks afford a prematurity,disability—be it mentally,physically(in the physical, mental

          A good king maintains his fortress well but knows the target points where an enemy can lay siege to him.

          It takes more than lifting a box for me or handing me a tissue when I cry, to convince me you’re my ally. If you don’t know what an ALLY or alliance is,nor what it feels like, then you shouldn’t be dating at all until you’ve cultivated one.

          Although I’m very intuitive, I’m equally inquisitive and so I still ask questions just to make sure that I’m clear. Clear on myself, my motives and clear on the other person alongside their motives.

          With all that clarity, I still try to see the best in a situation, and deal with rather than avoid the worst in people when possible.

          Still, with all the financial institutions around, we must do our homework on ourselves to know of the most creditable, interested, vested, secure, “fit” for our money. Money equals time; don’t lose either if you can…since you only can get one back.

    • Raygirl

      Then, he may have been interested, until he got a whiff of something he didn’t like in you. That happens. And I think this list applies to women as well. Marriage and commitment are two different things. Unlike women, men think long and hard about tying the knot. He may not express his feelings in the way you may, he’s not a WOMAN. But if he is doing this, he is somewhat interested in you long term. And even a good guy may like you at first and then change course. And by the looks of your attitude he might decide you are not a match, just like women.

    • John Anderson

      I’m a man and did these things for many women none of which I married. Also for the women I’ve been with for the last 22 years. I’m a sucker for a women in distress.

    • Phoenix

      The only problem about it, it’s the timing. When you should say it. Because I’m the kind of guy to say it quickly that I’m a long term king of guy and I don’t like fling.

      • Phoenix

        kind* of guy