When It’s Not Worth Fixing

March 1, 2012  |  
1 of 7


Some couples you would be devastated to see separated. They are two peas in a pod. You know they care about one another. Others you question constantly, “Why are they still together?” as they constantly argue and rarely just have a moment of peace. What makes the difference? Some people know how to work things out, while others just don’t know when to walk away. Here’s how you can know when it’s time to walk away:


It is never addressed

Some couples never actually fix an issue. They get in a blow up fight. They go to their separate corners and later crawl into bed, say, “I love you” and that’s it. It’s cute, for a moment. But they don’t actually plainly state, “Here is what we are going to do to avoid this issue in the future.” This is a sign of major communication issues. It is delusional to think that time makes a problem go away. Problem solving makes it go away. If your partner is incapable of tackling an issue, you may have to leave that one. Because as life goes on, issues only get bigger. And separate corners won’t be an option.


He never takes blame

It is impossible to be with someone who is incapable of even considering that maybe they could be wrong sometimes. It is actually disrespectful to you because they are choosing their own pride over your feelings. Even though they may sometimes know they’ve done something wrong, they would rather let you feel like you are over-reacting, or that you are the one in the wrong, than ever swallow their pride and take blame. A life with this person is a life of inequality.



He is a leaver

Some men know just how to punish a woman and that is by leaving. Some men, the instant a woman brings up any issue at all, say, “I don’t want to fight. I’m leaving” and go off to see their friends, to a bar, to their parents, to god knows where for god knows how long. This type of man makes you feel you can never bring up anything—you can never share with him when you are upset because you are punished by being left alone. This is extremely selfish and once again, the man is okay with knowing you are tortured being left alone, so long as he doesn’t have to (god forbid!) talk about issues.



You agree to disagree on something big

Some couples are in denial about the fact that a dynamic exists that will inevitably either break them up if not cause regular arguments. Whether this be that one person is dead set on moving out of town and the other is dead set on never leaving, or one thinks it is 100% okay to be friends with exes and the other thinks it’s totally inappropriate, there are some issues that you can’t just agree to disagree on. You need to either debate it out until you both agree on it, or—sorry to say it—end it. Because otherwise you’ll be fighting forever.


He seems unaffected

If you and your man get into a huge fight, it affects you. You struggle to concentrate on work. You are in your own head when around your friends, otherwise the only thing you can talk about with them is your fight with your man. If your man seems completely unaffected by your fight—if he is partying with his buddies as usual, walking around with his head held high and acting like he doesn’t have a care in the world—then your relationship is not that important to him. He should feel it when there is tension. You’re not just an annex to his life. You’re not an acquaintance. You’re his girlfriend.


He aims below the belt

Never, ever should a relationship be a competition. If your partner has a criticism for you, he should bring it up because it affects him and the relationship negatively—because he wants the relationship to run smoother. But if your man brings things up just to hurt you, that’s a sick kind of love. If you love someone, you should try to work out bumps in a way that is most pleasant for everyone. Never should your partner take joy in seeing you in pain.

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  • mi

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    great spell caster brought back her ex who name is mike so I just see
    it common and i said let me see what will happen because my husband left
    me and my three kids for another woman just like that, i and my husband
    was married for six years living happily before i new what was going
    on, he left me and go for another woman so when i saw the post, i
    contacted the spell caster on his email and he told me i should not
    worry that my husband will come back to me in three days after once he
    finish casting the reunite spell and to my greatest surprise, i now have
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  • mi

    i am hear to give testimony of how i got back my husband, we got married
    for more than 9 years and have gotten two kids. thing were going well
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    wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying is that he want a
    divorce that he hate me and do not want to see me again in his life, i
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  • Dro6375

    This and similar stories fail to mention how many “good” women cheat. There doesn’t need to be a reason either-And their friends are usually in on the creeping too

  • isitworthit?

    I am a leaver, (and I am a woman) I have a tendency to jet – 1- so I don’t say something I’ll regret, 2 – because I need to get air to clear my head. But the point about disagreeing on something major is so true and until that can get resolved it will always be an issue – especially if the other person doesn’t see it as an issue. I really have to thing about if this thing is worth fixing, b/c the frustration level is higher than anything else  – thank for this article, a lot of food for thought…

  • KevinFerere

    On #6. It depends on the topic at hand, however, a man shouldn’t have to feel everything you feel exactly the same way you feel it on every situation. Yes you’re in a relationship, but both of you are still you’re own persons. And to demand or expect an ellicited emotional response at the whim of every vissisitude, is irrational and insecure.

  • Ms. Tequilla

    Extremely, I mean EXTREMELY, insightful

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  • Ted Rogers12

    Diz sound lik sum bullshxt

  • Christine Chigbu

    Every single one of these was the way my father treated my mother. Especially the last one. I’m so sad that she went through this for so many years.

  • KAYE

    thanks take time 4 U…well said

  • Rjones283

    Hold the phone, women do this exact same thing , exact same thing.. especially the denial and taking responsibility for their own action, which allot of you think you’re instilled be because you are a woman. 

    • allot should be a lot. Please point out to me exactly where the author said only men are guilty of this. I’ll wait. . . .

  • Onisiro B

    Wow…this topic is exactly what my husband and I are going through right now.

  • Kiing_oz

    Why is the article just based toward the Man being the one with the serious issues. Example 6 and 7. I’m in a relationship where the Female has these issues and more. I guess beacause its a female wriiting this There is gonna be more biased toward women then men. But, Are you talking to just women when you write this or couples in general. I have read many Articals by Noire and its seems like its the same deal every time. I think this will be my last.

    • ebonyhud

      I agree on your point but this website is geared towards women hints the content and over all pink layout, even though you’re right about THIS article they have plenty list showing the things we do wrong.

      • Natgrea69

         You mean it shows what Men are doing wrong

        • Natgrea69

           I’ve have Yet to meet a woman, black women especially to admit their faults…..not one

          • ebonyhud

             That’s to bad. I have always admitted when I have been wrong. I don’t think its about color. I think its about personality. I was just talking to a male friend and he was saying he was tired of black women. I was trying to tell him, maybe its the kind of women in general he’s drawn or attracted to.

          • How many black women do you know? Maybe 50 (that’s pushing it) well enough to ascertain whether they ever admit fault. Hardly enough to make a snap judgement.

    • Hello this is a woman’s website. They are writing towards a female audience.


    This really hit home.I’m dealing with this now.

    • Dsfsfd3s

      Blackwhitehub.C0Mit’s a nice pl’ace for black white sing’les, to interact with each other…no bo’unds or extre’mes in front of true lo’ve

    • Take time 4 U

      I spent a year with an ex con who told me he had nothing to do with the crime that put  him in jail for 16 years. I loved and promised him I would always be there for him because he was very positive, had a great work ethic and showered me with love and attention. At the time he was a homeless unemployed ex con on parole with a high school education, no friends and the most ghetto family you can imagine.  I found out after we were married that that he was in  fact involved in the crime, he increasingly became violent, starting signing up for dating sites, didn’t want to put any effort into the relationship, was emotionally and verbally abusive. This is after I helped him get a place to live, a full time job, a passport, a professional licence, money for art supplies because he is an artist and 24/7 emotionally support that started at 430 in the morning with mediation sessions. Times when we were out of food and had no money I would stand with him in food lines so that we wouldn’t starve. I left  to get my life back on track and work on the  relationship form a distance. Now I’m back on track with my emotional and physical health, education and career. Get this, he left me and cut me off and he stole money from me in the process. Take my advice it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I graduated my masters with an 80 percent avg, I lost 60 lbs, I got a great paying career in my field that allows me to travel 25 % of the time,  I’m doing my PhD part time, I started a side business that has already made me a significant profit, I bought my own place and car, I have no debt, great credit a diversified investment portfolio and savings. i took me 2 years to get to this point. As for the dating scene I’m now dating an investment banker who treats me like gold. Pls leave him and focus your energy on your self your intuition is already telling you what to do.  Fear of really falling in love with myself and putting 150% into me stopped me from ending the relationship back then. The sad thing is I probably would have stayed if he didn’t leave me. I realize now how low my self esteem was and how I put so much effort into proving the world wrong that ex cons can be good faithful life partners. Not saying its impossible but I wont EVER be the martyr for that cause again, my life is just TOO precious. I think you should think about what has happened in the last 6 months that would give you any reason to stay and how much energy are putting into yourself on a daily basis. I realized he was putting as much energy into us as I was putting into self which was nothing at the time while he was taking all the energy i put into him and keeping it for himself. He left when he realized I started to care about me. Big life lesson one that i will never forget. Good luck  and much love. Life is ALWAYS better when you take even 1 year out of your life to be the best you can be I took 2 and I’m on top of the world. I hope this helps xoxoxoxoxo

      • shut the fu*k up

        Well put

      • Clifton6706

        Very encouraging.

      • Sugar_Spice


        • mi




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      • Christine Chigbu

         Beautiful story. Thank you so much for sharing.

      • J T Harvey

        Interesting testimony! But where is God Almighty in all of this? He gives us breath and everything else that’s good!

      • mi




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        Every cage of darkness breaks in the name of

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        I command every generational spirit to leave my
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        I command every stronghold of darkness in my
        body to dry up, in the name of Jesus.



        Most of the families are facing one marital problem or the
        other, my dear good people of God you need a prophet to stand for the (prayers)
        gap between you and your enemies.

        Disagreement between husband and wife, children and parent,
        broken homes, divorce .ETC

        Kindly contact PROPHET OKPOBO (prophetokpobo1@gmail.com) for your
        daily guides and protection.

    • Sugar_Spice

      Yup i’ve been down this road before