Is He Somebody Else’s Guy? How To Forget A Forbidden Love

March 4, 2012  |  
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It’s the most painful thing: falling for someone who is taken. Not only can you not have them, but you have to see them with someone else. And if you don’t see them, I know you’re picturing them together. There are many different ways the scenario of loving a taken man can go down. And you have to navigate it carefully.

Here are some tips to ease the pain just a bit..

Leave him alone

This is the most simple one so let’s get it out of the way —leave it alone. Go out with other men. The feelings are still rough but, the action you have to take is simple. Walk away.


Don’t fall for the fantasy

No one is perfect. The taken man you want might also wants you back. But he might be afraid to leave his current relationship since he doesn’t know how things will go with you. If this is the case, not only is it not your responsibility to make a move, it is not your right. No matter how many things the man says that make it seem like he is dying for you to make a move, don’t. Why?…

He can’t have his cake and eat it too

The guy needs to be willing to give up the relationship with the other woman and take a risk on you, knowing it may or may not work out. But he cannot sit in the comfort of his current relationship as he sees where things go with you. He needs to be a man and be willing to take the risk of getting into something that may or may not work out.

Recognize the game

Some men worry that their girlfriend is not stable enough to handle a breakup. They worry it will throw her into a depression and her life will fall apart. Let me tell you something about these men. They are nice. But they are too nice. They don’t get what they want in life for fear of hurting someone’s feelings. If you dated him, how do you know he wouldn’t just stay with you even after he fell out of love with you?

Don’t tell everyone

You need to tell someone—it’s eating you up inside. But, if you’re serious about ever being with the guy, it can’t be a known fact amongst your friends that you want him. Tell your very best friend who you can trust, your mom or your sister. But, if you casually let it be known to the world and you do get with him, you might get the reputation as a manipulative boyfriend stealer.

Don’t give in

The moment you’ve been waiting for. You’ve pined after this guy for months, maybe years, and he acts. He kisses you. He tries to sleep with you. Hurray! Oh wait…just one problem. He is still with his current girlfriend. Look—a cheater is a cheater is a cheater. He needed to have left his girlfriend before even touching you. I don’t care how much you think he did it because he was so passionately in love with you that he just couldn’t help himself. That there is the issue. He can’t help himself. And he will probably cheat on you.


Don’t keep your enemies close

Do not, under any circumstances, befriend the guy’s girlfriend! You may do this and hardly understand, in the midst of all your confusing emotions, why you are doing it. You may do it because it lets you be closer to him. But it is absolutely the cruelest thing one woman could do to another—gain her trust, to betray it in the biggest way. She isn’t your friend now and she doesn’t need to be.

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  • Momma Dee Tha Q.U.E.E.N

    (Not as momma dee)I wish I read this a year ago… It woulda saved me a lot of heart break…

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  • Dro6375

    Most Black women hate Black men. It’s something they develop from yaers of listening to the bitter women in their lives. From my experience women fall in love with the idea of love and family. That’s why I don’t see myself committing to anyone.

  • Ebbiecee

    I didn’t know off top but my bd got me preggo while still with his off/on gf of 7 years. She already has a 4yr old with someone else. But NOT him. My son came along and messed up their whole plan. I find it so hard to believe that he loves her. Can cheat on her and have a kid. And then continuously tell me he loves me. He is extremely comfortable with her erratic “bad s**t, gangster” way and I’m the nice, gullible , church going bm. Please ladies watch who you have children with. My current situation is of the movie “knocked up”. It’s a shame but the truth. I was entirely embarrass about how my son was conceived and even more embarrassed when I get “and that’s your baby daddy” yeah it is. Never in a million years I thought I would become a statistic. One for not being married before having a kid. Da next having one with someone I don’t even know. Three for bein that “other woman” and honestly blindsided by it all. This article helped me understand. Thanks.

  • MixedUpInVegas

    Only in fairy tales is there “one true love” for a woman.  Over the course of a lifetime you will love many people in differing degrees of intensity.  Wanting someone who is interested in someone other than you is a waste of time and energy.

    The world is full of men; you can find another one that you can love just as much if not more.  If that were not true, no one would marry more than once.

  • Realer

    Should have just stopped with #1. This is simple. He’s not yours. Move on. All this “soul-mate” and “love-of-my-life” stuff are just excuses.

    • Whatev

      If they are not married he is not taken. Yes, we need to respect others’ current dating choice, but there is nothing wrong with keeping a flame privately if one believes the currently-“taken”-yet-unmarried one is truly a soul mate. What if the one they are dating is just a place-holder or comfort zone?

    • Whatev

      If they are not married he is not taken. Yes, we need to respect others’ current dating choice, but there is nothing wrong with keeping a flame privately if one believes the currently-“taken”-yet-unmarried one is truly a soul mate. What if the one they are dating is just a place-holder or comfort zone?

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  • Coffeetime22

    Nearly every red-blooded woman in America has been deeply attracted to a
    guy who’s not hers. I understand completely. But it’s important to learn the #1 lesson: Never tell
    him how you feel. 

    No matter how much chemistry and little looks and subtle
    understandings, men start to feel guilty, get self-righteous and end up
    punishing you.

    • Kellz

      Your absolutely right.. And thats where I feel I messed up (by revealing my feelings)… But its all good. Whats done is done.
      All your advices were great and I seriously copied and paste them for future references 🙂
      Thank you

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  • whocares

    Side b@#ches kill yourself.

  • Sugar_Spice

    People need to realize their self worth & know they deserve more then just being someones “side piece”.  

    • Ddiarist2001

      Can I get an AMEN!!

  • Kellz

    Story of my life. In love with my best friend. He has a significant other. There is no denying the chemistry between us and even though we have tried to keep it friendly its really hard. I am sick to death of thinking about him. It really bothers me. A few weeks ago I addressed the elephant in the room and now things are super weird. We are back at square one with him putting up the wall between us but I know evenetually he will come back around.
    I seriously don’t know what to do because he is the love of my life.

    • Sugar_Spice

      I understand that you feel he is the love of your life but if he felt the same way then YOU would be his significant other.  Out of respect for that person you should back off & that just may include you guys not being friends anymore.

    • Nina Dashotta

      Lol don’t you just love the pseudo-psycho analysts on this site…if your friend can’t come out to play because he has company, then go and find yourself another friend and still keep cool with him. UNLESS your feelings are super intense to the point you feel like sabatoging (sp?) his relationship will I only suggest you and him part ways but if it’s not that deep that you can respect his, then keep being friends. He has a significant other, not a fiancé or wife Hun there can still be hope for you two. Now, how’s that for a little positivity to your post and feelings!! LOL I swear some people can come off real crass.

      • Kellz

        Nina, I love you. People can think what they want but I wasn’t feeling her comment. Your a realist like me. I can’t shut off my feelings. Everyone will feel this way at some point in their life. And when you get there I want to see how quickly you back off and end a friendship of 3 plus yrs.

        • Missmiss

          kellz most of these people got their man thru shade and during a previous relationship but as soon as they get the “MAIN” girl title (peep I said MAIN girl) they are high, mighty and righteous. I was dealing with this guy with a gf and we grew to be best friends I love him but I know he’s not leaving her I dont want him to leave her for me I want him to see me move on with a great guy and think about me doing to my new guy what I did with him and plus all the love I gave until he comes crawling to be with me!! He might not but if he doesnt oh well I have my own new guy, find some other guys join match I just did!! Good luck honey…ppl are only judges in the court room when they are not defendants 

          • Kellz

            LMAO, great sound advice. Thank you 🙂

          • Idiot

            Great advice!  Find a guy you can string along in the meantime while secretly hoping that you can get with the guy you really want.  That’s very selfish and wrong.  

        • Sugar_Spice

          My apologies for being too blunt & obviously I don’t know the situation other than what you described but you are deserving of a person of your own who loves you like you love them back.  How is that fair to his woman to know that his best friend is in love with him?

    • NicciNic

      Just don’t do anything that will do major damage to you. I’m sure you’re one of those people that realizes if its meant to be it’ll happen and if not you still have your friend. I was in that situation too but it wasnt meant. I hope it works out for you

  • Rachael

    This needs to be reposted in every womens magazine, on line chat group, church, retail store, call center, and every bathroom stall across America. 

    • SheBe