Not-So-Classy Ways People Meet The One - Page 12

It would be nice to meet your one special person by having them pick you up out of a cab and carry you over a puddle before putting you on the horse they ride you off into the sunset on, but that’s often not exactly how it goes. And come on; are you really going to write somebody off who you think has potential all because the “how we met” story may be a bit embarrassing down the line? If your friends and family have a sense of humor, then they’ll love the story. Everybody else can go back to the fairytale book they live in—I bet it’s boring there. In a world where we share Ubers with total strangers while we are drunk and are seeing more and more public restrooms becoming gender neutral, it’s possible to meet your someone special in some pretty special circumstances. Here are not-so-classy ways people meet the one.

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A toilet paper handoff

It’s that awful moment when there is only one square left and a wiping job that requires far more. But then, by chance, somebody walks in the bathroom! Maybe they can hand you some TP! Maybe you end up having a pretty funny back-and-forth while they wait for you to finish up. Maybe they’re pretty darn cute, actually.

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Your post mate

All sorts of people work for post mates to make a little extra cash! Next time you order enough Thai food for 12 people…for yourself…because you don’t think you’ll ever meet anybody, your delivery person may be a heartthrob.

A drive-thru dispute

When you’ve been out for a long night of drinking, ask your Uber driver to take you to Taco Bell, and the person in front of you at the drive thru is taking forever, that meter adds up. So you get out, stumble to the car in front of you to mention, “Hey other people are hungry back here dumb*ss—oh, you’re cute.”

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A better Tinder date

With so many people meeting up for Tinder dates, and so many places establishing themselves as the most popular venues for Tinder dates, people are bound to confuse one stranger for another. Of course, if you like the stranger you confused for your date you may just keep him.

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The free clinic

Hey, at least you both have up-to-date results that state that you’re clean! Maybe you also both need better health insurance and can look into that together.

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Being a parking a**hole

If you live in a big city, then you’ve probably done some shady stuff to get a parking spot, like stood in one for twenty minutes until your friend came to take it so you could then move into the garage.

Buying a home UTI test

Drug stores now have handy-dandy home urinary tract infection tests. So that may just be the item you’re picking up when somebody tries to pick you up. At least he knows you look after your va-jay-jay.

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Drunk in an Uber line

Yeah, you like to get tipsy. And yeah, you like to save money by taking an Uber with total strangers that will take an extra twenty minutes because everybody is being dropped off all over the place. But at least one of the four people jammed into this car is fine as hell. Besides you, of course.

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Telling your loud neighbor off

You finally work up the nerve to go tell your neighbor that 11 pm on a Monday night is no time to PRACTICE THE FREAKING GUITAR…! And when he opens his door, you forget why you showed up and become his groupie—with zit cream on your face and bunny slippers on your feet.

Mandatory volunteer work

Nobody’s perfect, and if you happened to drive into a school crossing sign or get a very high speeding ticket, then you may be spending your weekends cleaning up highways for a while. But nobody said hot, funny guys don’t also get in trouble from time to time. Go on with your bad selves and your orange vests.

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Youtube

It seems like everybody and their grandmother has a Youtube channel these days. If you become a fan of one person’s page, and they become a fan of yours, over the years you may feel that you know each other very well and decide to meet.

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Your Airbnb host

If you rent a room in an occupied home through Airbnb, the owner of that home may just be a perfectly eligible bachelor who comes along with you on all of your tourist adventures.

Getting thrown out together

You swear this guy just cut you in line to order at the bar. You tell him as much, and when he turns around, he accidentally spills his drink on you. Now you think that was on purpose and you throw your drink on him.

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At a funeral

Maybe the person who passed away would be happy that their death spurred the life of a new love? But maybe your parents wouldn’t be happy to hear that you were exchanging digits at their cousin’s wake so, keep that on the DL for now.

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Reporting on a dog walk

If you walk dogs through an app like Rover on the side and one of the pups you walk has a little, um, unhealthy, um, movements on one walk, you’ll have to call up the owner to let him know. And he may have a very sexy voice.

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Banging on the bathroom door

One of these days somebody will take just too long in the bathroom for your patience, and you’ll start banging on the door to let them know it. Of course, if the man of your dreams walks out you won’t care what he was doing in there.

Your nurse, after a drunken mistake

You thought it was a good idea to try to jump over a parking meter when you were drunk. It wasn’t, and now you have a fractured tailbone. But the nurse attending to it has a pretty good tail of his own.

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Fighting for the last of the guacamole

Guacamole is a precious commodity at Chipotle! You may get into it with the person in front of you who is going to get the last bit before they close because you did let him go in front of you! Oh, who cares he has green eyes.

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The drunk tank

By the time you’ve been force fed coffee and taken a nap in the police station, you may realize the guy in plaid shirt next to you (who looked like a blurry bob until now) is cute and shared his blanket with you.