Do you remember Season 1 of Girlfriends? In one of the first few episodes, Joan goes on a date with a guy she met over the Internet named Marcus. When this episode aired it was 2000, so people finding love online wasn’t quite common just yet. Still, Joan and Marcus hit it off up until the point when she learned that the man was on the curvy side. While in Joan’s presence, Marcus would wear a girdle to hide the fact that his hips were quite wide, but once she found out, it was just too much for our quirky protagonist. As funny as that situation was on television, it actually happens in everyday life. But while some women can’t overlook a stacked man, others can look past the junk in his trunk.
A woman I saw on Lipstick Alley asked people in a thread from 2014 if they could date a man with wide hips and a big butt after noticing that the backside of a friend’s boyfriend was a little too full and jiggly.
“So my friend brought her guy friend over and I had onl [sic] seen pics from the face up. He is so handsome!” she wrote. “But when he came over, I noticed right away (he had on slacks) that his booty was sitting up so high and round! It was jiggling when he walked. Lawd those hips were wide and like a woman’s, I wanted to laugh so hard but I contained myself. Then at dinner he was going on and on bragging about how hard he goes in the gym, I wanted to say brotha you need to ease up on the squats! That is so unattractive to me but I’m not dating him so my opinion doesn’t matter and I would never make fun of him to her.”
When she asked if others find that attractive in a man, the consensus was pretty much a no. There were a few people who said that it depends on just how wide the hips or big the butt the woman was talking about. One commenter said the guy she was talking to has wide hips and large thighs, but he blames it on his regimen at the gym. Whatever that means.
When I was in high school, I actually dated a guy whose butt was bigger than mine. I initially had no problem with it and didn’t really even think about it much until those around me would bring it up. (Note: They brought it up all of the time.) Girls that I knew in school would playfully tell him how big his butt was, and he would respond by standing directly next to them to compare backsides, joking about the fact that his was bigger than theirs too. It was funny at first.
And then it wasn’t.
Still, we broke up for other reasons, and if I can be honest, I actually thought his butt was cute. Not to mention that it felt like a firm pillow. But tight asses can’t keep a relationship going now can they?
As for the present, I have a girlfriend set to marry a guy with probably the biggest thighs I’ve ever seen. I remember when she initially told me about them and her theory on the reason for their size. I thought she was exaggerating: “He has big thighs, but you know, he does yoga.” I had heard of yoga tightening and toning muscles, but hadn’t heard anything about the practice giving folks thunder thighs. I just went along with it during our conversation as if it made sense.
When I finally met him, I didn’t think go in thinking anything of her warning about his curves. But there he was, close-fitting sweater on and a tight pair of slacks, hand extended out to say hello — thighs as big as tree trunks but without the muscle. Voluptuous, as creepy as it sounds, would probably be the right word to describe them, especially for a young White man. From then on, that was pretty much the first thing I would pay attention to when I saw him. But for my friend, it was the last.
The thing about my ex and my friend’s fiancé is that even though they do have very feminine curves, they are also really great guys. They have a great sense of humor, they’re intelligent, and they’re caring people. Basically, the intrinsic qualities far outweighed whatever is sticking out and jiggling on the outside for the women in their lives now, including my girlfriend. So I say all that to state that while a man with curves may not be something you find attractive, I wouldn’t recommend allowing that to be a dealbreaker. If their inner qualities are strong enough, it can be something you’re able to look past. This is especially true if you can encourage the guy to dress in a way that doesn’t draw too much attention to the hips, butt or thighs (maybe longer tops and looser bottoms?). But people like what they like, and if a thick man doesn’t tickle your fancy, no matter how sweet he may be, there’s no need to force or fake attraction if you can’t give a pass to that ass…
But as always, that’s just my opinion. What say you? Is it petty not to want to date a man who is on the curvy side?
