Travel Trials: My Guy Friend Won’t Visit Because He Has A Girlfriend

November 1, 2016  |  

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I’ve been good friends with a guy from college for more than 10 years now and at some point in every single one of our conversations — whether we haven’t talked in a couple months or have been having daily chats — he promises to come visit. And he never does.

I’ve called him out on this a million times, arguing he should just stop saying he’s going to visit if he really isn’t. And every time he assures me he wants to come, but he has a girlfriend, is dating a girl, “dealing with somebody” talking to someone, or some variant of not single or won’t be single for much longer. To which I always respond, what does that have to do with anything?

Trust me, one one hand I get it. If I had a boyfriend who told me he was heading to Miami for the weekend to chill with one of his good friends who happened to be a woman I’d likely have some questions, starting with have you ever dated, had sex, swapped any bodily fluids, or looked deeply into her eyes and thought she could be the one. If the answers to all of the above were no, “Have a safe trip!” I’m being a little facetious here, but I tend to be more on the liberal side when it comes to male-female friendships and that’s because I have clear boundaries with all of my boys, including the one who has yet to visit.

Never have we kissed, groped, held hands, or had even a remotely romantic or sexual encounter. We even slept in the same bed when I visited his hometown for a weekend event during one of his single periods and nothing more than drool on a pillow happened. Surely, the same would be true if he visited my city — especially if he stretches out on the couch as I suggested he do on Nevuary 10 when he arrives.

While I respect my boy’s wishes when it comes to the women he’s romantically involved with and his desire not to even raise the possibility of him visiting with the ladies in his life because he assumes they’ll have a problem, I also think he’s making too big of a deal out of a two- to three-day visit with his homegirl.

Would you be cool with your partner visiting an out of town friend of the opposite sex and staying with them?

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