Don’t let that word “problems” in the title fool you into thinking that there’s nothing good about dating a non-confrontational man. There are plenty of positives about it. For example, you know that guy at the bar who gets a little too loud and pushy about the fact that his date ordered Grey Goose vodka and got Kettle? You know how his date looks totally embarrassed, and usually gives the bartender a private apology when her date goes to the bathroom? Yeah–you don’t need to feel like her ever when you date a non-confrontational guy. Often, non-confrontational guys are also just patient, polite and–if we’re honest–far more zen than the rest of us. That being said, there will be times you wish your man didn’t mind being less-than-delicate. There will be times you wish he’d let his a–hole flag fly because somebody really deserves it. Here are some of the frustrations of dating a non-confrontational man.
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He’ll let people cut you in line
At the grocery store, in line for a ride, in line to order at the takeout counter…He’ll say it’s not worth it to argue over. And you’ll have to wait an extra 20 minutes for your food or be the one to say something.
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He’ll go ghost when you’re mad
When you’re in one of your moods, he won’t check you. He won’t put you in your place. He won’t even hand you a big glass of wine to calm down. He’ll just sort of…go ghost. He’ll stop talking. He’ll get weird. He doesn’t know how to handle your moods.
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People will call him shy
Your friends will say, “Ah. Your boyfriend is so shy! It’s so sweet” and you’ll find it very annoying. He’s not shy, dammit, he’s non-confrontational and it’s different.
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You can’t call him on it
If you tell a non-confrontational guy to be more aggressive and assertive, he will most likely become indignant that you’ve said that. He may even read it as you not liking his personality.
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They can come off as disinterested
Not to you–you know they love you–but to other people. Your friends might think your boo doesn’t like them, all because he can’t keep up with their animated stories and conversation. He just doesn’t want to interrupt.
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They’ll let other men hit on you
If a man blatantly slides in front of your boo and offers to buy you a drink, your boo won’t do anything about it. He won’t even put out a simple, “I got her one–it’s cool.”
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They’ll let other men insult you
They’ll pay you all of the compliments in the world to make up for it! But they won’t know what to say when another man insults you in front of them.
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You won’t know why they’re mad
You’ll have a very hard time knowing why they’re mad. They certainly aren’t going to tell you. They’ll just go ghost again.
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You’ll watch their family mistreat them
Part of the reason they’re so non-confrontational probably has something to do with their family. You’ll see what that reason is (like extremely critical parents) and it will be hard for you to watch as your boo doesn’t stick up for himself.
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You can’t stick up for him
If you stick up for him to his family, he’ll only get mad that you got into an argument with his family. He wants them to like you.
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You really can’t stick up for him
You definitely can’t stick up for him out in the world, like when someone steals his seat or spills his drink. He won’t back you up–he’ll say, “It’s fine. They can have the seat” and you’ll be left looking like a b*tch.
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You’ll never know if they’re enjoying themselves
They won’t tell you which restaurant or movie or concert they really want to go to. They’ll say whichever one you want is fine. And they really will act like it’s fine, which is why you’ll never know if it’s fine.
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They get funny when they’re drunk
They’ll have a harder time remaining non-confrontational, and end up saying things they normally shouldn’t. But they still are who they are, and they’ll spend the rest of the night apologizing for it.
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You’ll always feel protective of them
You’ll always feel protective of your non-confrontational guy. It’s a bit of a burden, but you deal with it because you love him.
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People will think they’re dull
You know they’re not. But since they don’t like to assert themselves into group conversations, or dominate a conversation, they’ll remain mostly quiet. People will think they’re dull–but you know they’re fascinating and intelligent.
