How To Deal When Your Couple Friends Breakup - Page 12

(function(d, s, id) {

if (d.getElementById(id)) return;

var js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id;

js.src = ‘//cdn4.wibbitz.com/static.js’;

d.getElementsByTagName(‘body’)[0].appendChild(js);

}(document, ‘script’, ‘wibbitz-static-embed’));

When you and your partner have a couple you’re friends with, and that couple breaks up, you can find yourself navigating some choppy waters. If you’ve known the couple for a long time, you’ll want to keep up both friendships. The problem is that both people will know that, and they will want information. They’ll want to know if you’ve seen their ex recently, how the ex is doing, whether or not the ex is dating, how upset the ex seems and what the ex has been saying about them. They can’t help but ask. Admit it: if you were in their shoes, you’d be tempted to pull information out of the common friends, too! But you have to be very careful handling friends who have broken up because a lot of things you do could be misinterpreted as your taking one side. So how do you deal with couple friends who’ve broken up? Here’s a guide.

Image Source: Corbis

Don’t do setups

Even if you’d normally try to set up your single friends, you can’t do that when you’re friends with two people who just broke up. One person could get very angry at you for actively finding their ex a new partner.

Shutterstock

Don’t suggest singles bars

If one of the friends wants you to come along to singles bars, that’s fine. But don’t suggest it. The other friend will read that as you helping their ex find a new partner.

Shutterstock

But support new partners and dates

Even though you can’t help your recently single friends find new partners, you can and should be nice to anybody they bring around. You might want to be stand off-ish to one friend’s new partner out of loyalty to the other friend but don’t forget: you need to be loyal the friend who is dating somebody new, too!

Image Source: Shutterstock

Don’t talk sh*t about either one

When they were together, maybe you could riff a little about each person’s flaws. But now that they are single, you really can’t because it seems like you’re taking a side. If the two every talk, you don’t want one telling the other that you agreed that they’re bossy/controlling/insensitive.

Image Source: Shutterstock

Stay neutral on the issues

The broken up couple is going to want to vent about the problems they had in the relationship. You can’t awkwardly sit in silence, but stay neutral. Say that you can understand how something was hard or painful, but refrain from pointing fingers.

Shutterstock

Hang with them both

You’ll probably need to be aware of how much time you’re spending with either person. If one finds out that you’re seeing the other more often, they’ll feel that you’ve taken a side.

Shutterstock

Don’t assume it’s really over

Don’t forget that couples get back together! So you shouldn’t do or say anything that implies you think the breakup was a good thing. That will be very awkward if the pair gets back together.

Image Source: Shutterstock

Don’t bring one up to the other

You shouldn’t bring one of the exes up to the other. You probably have tons of memories of times they were together, but even casually mentioning one can cause a lot of pain.

Image Source: Shutterstock

Be sensitive to scheduling

If your boyfriend is going to hang out with the guy from the broken up couple, that might not be the best night for you to hang out with the woman. That means when the guy asks your boyfriend where you are that night, he has to bring up the uncomfortable fact that you’re with the ex.

Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Don’t be afraid to lay down laws

If one person tries to drag you into the middle of the breakup, don’t be afraid to say, “I really like and respect both of you and don’t want this breakup to affect my individual friendships with each of you. So I’d rather not talk about the breakup.”

Take it easy on social media

The recent exes are stalking one another’s social media and you know it. At least for now, refrain from posting a lot on one or the other’s wall, or liking one or the other’s statuses. They’re both sensitive right now and can misread that as you taking a side.

Corbis Images

If one is dating, don’t bring it up

Do not, no matter what, tell one of the exes that the other is now dating. You’ll get in trouble with the person dating, and hurt the other person.

Image Source: Shutterstock

Consult your partner on invite lists

If you and your partner are hosting a party, talk to each other before inviting either of the exes. It can be very uncomfortable to discover you both unknowingly invited both exes, and now need to uninvite one.

Corbis Images

Don’t be all over your partner

You are dealing with people who recently went through a breakup, so try not to be all over your partner in front of them. It will make them miss the times when you double dated, and both had someone to be affection with.