It’s the freakin’ weekend! Well, it’s not yet, but I’m just setting a scene, so bear with me. Anywho, say it’s the weekend and you and your girls are about to hit up the club. If you’re lucky, you’ll find yourself at an upscale club or bar where people do more two-stepping and mingling then they do bustin’ out splits on the dance floor and fighting. But alas, in the quest for good nightlife hangouts, you will find your share of shady clubs, and ratchet things will happen inside. Some you can control, others, beyond your control. A majority of the things on this list have happened to me or at least to people I’ve been out with and I wouldn’t want them to happen to you, our wonderful readers. So here’s a list of embarrassing and terrible things that can happen at the club that are in no way things you wind up laughing about later.
Broken Heels
Before you step out of the house ladies, do a safety check on your shoes. If in any way it looks like the top of your heel is starting to come a little bit unattached from your shoe thanks to some cheap nails or bonding glue that just won’t bond anymore, scrap ’em. Literally, throw them away or save them until you can get them fixed, because if you get to the club and that heel breaks, it’s going to be a wrap on your evening my friend. One evening while wearing some heels I knew were starting to give, I went to the bathroom and stepped into a weird crack on the tile and my heel fell off like it was nothing. Not only do you look crazy with a broken heel, but it’s SOOOOO uncomfortable to walk in. Save yourselves the embarrassment, I beg of you!
Solution: Bring flats, flip flops or those flats you can roll up in a small purse. That way, the party doesn’t have to stop!
Find Yourself in FIGHT CLUB
So you’re minding your business, dancing to a jam, and all of a sudden it gets louder than Club Wal-Mart at 11 p.m. on a weekend. You look over, and two grown men are pushing each other back and forth. You know what that means, a fight is about to pop off! Last thing I want to see when I come to dance and have a good time is other people, angry for some random reason, putting my life in jeopardy by throwing elbows and fists every-which-a-way. And don’t get me started on the pushing, the thrown drinks and the possible trampling that can sometimes take place when some folks lose their home training and mind in the club. Run!
Solution: Don’t go to the ratchet-est club in town. Good music doesn’t change a club’s hood factor.
Close Encounters With the Thirsty Kind
It never hurts to give in and dance with a random fellow at the club who is feeling a song as much as you. Unfortunately, the only dancing folks like to do these days when they dance together is butt to pelvis, and we know whose butt winds up on whose pelvis. But anywho, so you guys are dancing, you’re enjoying yourself, and the song ends. You assume the dancing is over too, but then the next song comes on and guess who is still behind you. Another song? Still standing there. Last thing you want is for other guys at the club to think that this stranger danger is your man, and God help you if a reggae song is on, you’ll be dancing forever. I once had a friend yell at a guy on her birthday when he wouldn’t stop dancing with her (she was drunk). Sad, but hilarious at the same time.
Solution: In the future, just stop dancing and walk away, he’ll get the message.
You End Up Being a Babysitter
I think a big nightmare is going into the club with your friends sober, capable, individuals and leaving later dragging a drunk, DRUNK girlfriend out into a cab because she is now incapable of standing on her own. We’re all grown, and it’s not a good look to make the one person who doesn’t want to get trashed the caregiver of those who do. Holding someone’s hair while they let loose their lunch in the toilet was probably not on your agenda for the evening. If it was, you might not want to do an intervention on your friend…
Solution: Uh… (lol) Well, if you guys are in a hotel together, it might be a good idea to get your friend a cab, drop her off and try and come back to the club if you weren’t through partying; If not, in the future, if this happens a bit too often, just stop going out with her because she obviously can’t hold her liquor.
Out Pops Your Contact
Oh poor contact and glass wearers. Wear glasses to the club and you look like you just don’t care (plus, your glasses will probably fog…), wear contacts and they often get dry from the mix of smoke in the air and from simply being in too long. But a worse outcome is to have them on at the bar while chatting it up with friends and fine fellas and have one mysteriously fall out. If its hit the ground, that contact is pretty much shot to hell, and if it hasn’t, you either have to make that long trek to the bathroom to reapply it, or gross everyone out around you by sticking your contact back in your eye in the midst of a crowd of people. And by the way, that’s not very sanitary if your hand hasn’t been cleaned first.
Solution: Be sure to bring travel eye drops and apply them every once in a while just in case. Contacts are tricky little buggers…
Aunt Flo Meets You at the Club
Damn you Aunt Flo! Hey, sometimes you have those months where you honestly don’t know when your period will make its way into your life (aka, your pants) and thanks to an increase in activities and what not, your cramps are on the low low before it makes its arrival. It truly sucks to be walking around in an already hot setting thinking you’re just sweating like always, only to find that you’ve got a big problem on your hands. If you didn’t bring your “just in case protection” that you usually have in your work bag, and your girls don’t have any? You can pretty much call it a night. Or, you can harass the lady that sits in the bathroom looking for tips for handing out soap and paper towels to see what she’s got.
Solution: Never hurts to always bring at least one tampon or pantyliner with you in your clutch. Better safe than sorry, right?
There Goes Your Phone
Man, how important are phones when you’re out? If people mosey around talking for too long, you can link back up with them when it’s time to go. AND, if you meet a cutie at the club, you can exchange info. But what a nightmare it is to make a quick run to the bathroom, use the toilet, and then have your Blackberry or iPhone (or Android) fall into the toilet. Yikes! The phone company won’t cover that. This happens a lot with people who wear too tight jeans to the club put their phones in their pocket. Stand up and pull those tight “thangs” up after relieving yourself and something is coming out (chapstick, keys, something!). Or, you were a bit too tipsy and just dropped that thing out of clumsiness. Looks like a late night trip to the store for rice will be in order…
Solution: Pray on it, put it in rice and worse case scenario, start saving for a new phone…
