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For some it happens sooner, for some later. But all of us will eventually find the one that’s meant for us. Either way, there will be challenges that both partners will face in a relationship and family. As a young married, mom myself, I’ve surveyed some of my closest friends and evaluated my own marriage when thinking about the pros and cons of starting a family young. Let’s start with the possible negative aspects of getting married and starting a family earlier in life.

Not yet “knowing” who you are

Most young adults (including me) are still trying to find and connect with their true self. Questions like “Who am I?” and “What is my purpose in life?” are questions that will either consciously or subconsciously arise. Figuring out who you are and who you want to be is an important aspect of growing up. Therefore, dating – especially marriage, might get overwhelming because if you don’t even know yourself yet, how would you be able to choose the right partner?

Possibly outgrowing each other

As life progresses, your views, goals and priorities may change. While those of your partner may remain the same, your values could change to the point where you feel like you’re stuck because you realize that you want more out of life–more than your partner can or is willing to offer. It can be a hurtful process because outgrowing someone doesn’t always mean that you don’t love him or her anymore. As I mentioned above, at times, two individuals commit to a relationship not yet knowing what they really want out of life. The possibility that your partner isn’t the one to join you on your path is real.

Not being able to explore and be free

When getting married, you live, learn and grow with that one person. You might have had partners before and were able to explore a bit but once you’re in a committed relationship, it’s no comparison to when you were fully able to explore your sexuality. It’s not only about exploring your sexuality though, it’s also about the freedom of being able to move wherever you want, talk with whomever you want – fully being able to do just do you. The thing is, this isn’t necessarily a con for everyone.

I’ve had the experiences I wanted to and I knew I was ready to embark on this new journey with my husband. You have to be willing to make sacrifices as well as compromises. Keeping those two in mind, I don’t see any issue with being able to enjoy yourself and each other freely.

Taking on responsibility at a young age (takes a lot to stay committed)

I know for a fact that the shift, my arrival in my husband’s life, was challenging at first. Taking on responsibility at a young age can bring a lot of pressure. It’s important to work as a team and to share those responsibilities amongst the two of you. For example, if you feel like the division of chores around the house isn’t working at first, then be sure to communicate and be ready to compromise. Compromises are a big part of relationships; meeting someone halfway is what will help keep the balance.

There are many positive aspects of getting married young as well…

Showing children stability

After marriage, before marriage – either way, kids will eventually come if that’s what you desire. It’s great if your children can grow up knowing that young lasting love does exist and that you don’t have to wait until you’re in your late 30’s to commit. Young love doesn’t mean stupid love. A lot of times, people just need to reevaluate their priorities and quit trying to shuffle their partners. If someone makes you happy, then enjoy that and try to do the same for them – despite your age.

Growing together and seeing positive growth within each other

What I love most about looking back on my husband’s and my humble beginnings, is seeing how far we’ve come–individually and as a couple. Prior to me moving to Washington D.C., we were in a long-distance relationship for about eight months. Our lives changed so much, especially with our newest addition, our seven-month-old daughter. Seeing him now, as my husband and the great father he is, it just makes my heart burst with love. He was always amazing, but seeing your partner growing into the person they’re meant to be is beautiful.

There are a lot of challenges that come with marriage. I’m not going to lie, it can be very hard at times and regardless of our age, it definitely takes two strong individuals who want to want to make it work, for it to work.

I hear of a lot of mothers that are trying to convince their kids, especially their sons, to stay single for as long as possible.

But exactly why?

Learning how to interact with one another, building trust, as well as commitment is something that needs to be taught at a young age. I’m not saying that teens should think about getting married, but those are important values to have when committing. It shouldn’t always be about sex and being as wild as possible at a young age. Just be you. Whenever the right person comes along and you both feel ready, give it a shot.

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