I don’t know what annoys me the most: Chris Brown or the folks who continuously enable him.
It’s probably the latter.
After all, what good comes from hating Chris Brown?
I mean, there are a lot of reasons to loathe the dude, but at the same time, it is obvious that he is a deeply troubled man. An abusive man, but a deeply troubled one. And for his sake (and for those who rely on and love him), I really do hope he gets help.
But my issue is with the people who keep empowering him to do what he does. And I am not just talking about the yes men and women around him who will not – in the least – deny him his social media access. I’m also talking about people co-signing that God-awful Instagram post featuring him shaming Nia Guzman over a picture of their two-year-old daughter, Royalty, in a tutu.
I’m not posting the picture because it’s not fair to the kid.
But for almost a week, I have witnessed people reposting Royalty’s picture, the child sitting in a tutu following dance class, with Chris Brown’s defaming comments pasted along the bottom. These same people ask their social media followers if he has a point. Or better yet, “Hmmm…thoughts?”
Here are a few thoughts: Chris Brown is totally wack for that.
It’s wack that the first person to sexualize Royalty’s picture was her own damn dad.
It’s wack that he not only sexualized his own child but that he also then invited others, via a public fight, to sexualize his own child with him.
It’s wack that he – as a very well-known public figure – initiated and decided to have what is a private conversation between two co-parents (and maybe their attorneys) out in public so that people could gaze. And he could make headlines.
It’s wack that a person who has made a lucrative living off of the denigration and disrespect of women suddenly has developed a conscience and demands his daughter be treated differently than he likely treated her mother.
It’s wack that his conscience is not based on changing his behavior and beliefs about women, and asking through his platform that brothers do the same, but rather, in fake protectionism based solely on altering the behavior and movements of an innocent little girl who is really doing nothing wrong.
It’s wack that he now has an attitude because he thinks his daughter is becoming the very type of woman he is obviously attracted to.
And it’s just as wack for us to add to his abusive behavior by not only sharing the content but by also asking others to validate his foolishness and pettiness like he has a legitimate point.
And yes, I say abuse.
In this YourTango article entitled “21 Signs You’re In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship,” licensed marriage and family therapist Marni Feuerman stated that abuse is about more than physical and emotional damage being done.
Abuse is not always as obvious as being hit or shoved, called degrading names or cussed out. In fact, it can very well be underhanded or subtle. You may find yourself feeling confused about the relationship, off balance or like you are “walking on eggshells” all the time. This is the kind of abuse that often sneaks up on you as you become more entrenched in the relationship.
I’m talking here about psychological abuse — also known as mental or emotional abuse.
Psychological abuse occurs when a person in the relationship tries to control information available to another person with intent to manipulate that person’s sense of reality or their view of what is acceptable and not acceptable. Psychological abuse often contains strong emotionally manipulative content and threats designed to force the victim to comply with the abuser’s wishes.
All abuse takes a severe toll on self-esteem. The abused person starts feeling helpless and possibly even hopeless.
And messing with Guzman’s confidence as a mother might have very well been the intent. According to published reports, the two have been embroiled in a child custody case in which Guzman requested that a judge restrict Brown’s access to Royalty while giving her a substantial increase in support. And just today, a judge decided to deny Guzman’s request for sole custody and opted to let Brown continue his current visitation schedule of 12 days a month (no word on the child support angle). So this entire public incident could have been Brown’s way of manipulating sympathy and favor from the public, if not the judge.
Granted, people could reasonably make the argument that Guzman too might be exhibiting some abusive patterns. I can see that. But what’s most bothersome in this situation is that there is an innocent girl stuck in the middle – one who will get older and look back at the public condemnation of her dance picture and feel some kind of way about herself. And neither one of them – or anyone else for that matter – seems to be concerned about that in the least.
For some reason, a person who has habitually shown nothing but the greatest disdain and disrespect for so many women in his life – as well as in his path – still manages to pull at our heartstrings. Unfortunately, it is that unconditional love we have for the R&B singer, which is likely shielding him from doing the hard work of actually helping himself.
And again, I’m not saying we have to condemn the man, I’m just saying that we don’t have to be complicit in his abuse.