Let That Hurt Go, Girl: Finding Empowerment After A Breakup

April 7, 2016  |  

Two (business) women/friends making peace/forgiving


The last relationship I came out of lasted for six years. It was there one day and then the next day, it wasn’t. Just thinking about all the years, all the memories, all the time and emotions invested, I could not bring myself to be sad. I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t be anything but weightless. It was literally like the scene from The Wiz when they shed those hideous skins and emerged in their own. It was a brand new day, so I put on my makeup, called the girls and had me a blast. As time went on, I found that none of this empowering freedom that I discovered was a front. It was real and genuine, and I didn’t have to pack myself into the hurt, sad and destroyed category that everyone expected me to fall in each time they asked, “What happened?”

So I thought about it, and I decided, that’s it! I think it’s time we change the narrative of how women deal with breakups. It’s time to be done with the notion of the automatically hurt, broken, bitter, jaded, angry woman left high and dry or walking away from a horrible situation hopeless, and instead, shed light on experiencing the empowerment that comes with newfound freedom. Focus on the positives that come with a breakup. It’s time to start seeing the glass as refillable. It’s time to get back in touch with who you are and what you really want from life without having to sacrifice or compromise. It’s time to empower ourselves. Although it may be challenging for some, with the right intent and time you’ll say that you were better off in the end. Here are some ways to get your groove back…for yourself.

Dial Up The Girls

You know they were missing you like crazy after you linked up with your ex. It’s no surprise that we tend to neglect our friends and family a little (or a lot) when we get into a relationship. It’s like our vision zones in on that one person, and we can’t see anything else. You’ve compromised so much in your relationship that it’s caused you to spend less and less time with your girls. They’ve been cool about it, but truthfully, it’s not right. So call them up because you’ll need them. They’ll ask what happened. They’ll judge the situation critically. They’ll bash your now ex-boyfriend. But it’s because they love you and think they’re saying all the things you want to hear. They’ll also start inviting you places again and dragging you out for some social networking. Being around other single or coupled women with a positive perspective is an excellent way to empower yourself. 

Get Back On The Saddle

Even though you’re not ready to date again…and I’d advise you not to (focus on you for a while), there’s no harm in taking full advantage of the social scene around you. Check out some new restaurant/lounge openings near you. Join some hobby groups. Time flies when you’re having fun, and you’ll soon be able to move forward from your recent past.

Start A New Fitness Routine

I can’t put my finger on it, but for some reason, love makes you lazy. You spend all those years or months in a relationship, and you don’t realize that all those nights in with takeout and movies, or those weekend dining experiences have caused you to accumulate some mid-section fluff. I’ve learned that when you look good, you feel good, and when you feel good, you look good. Join a gym or change your fitness routine and make it a goal to get back to that pre-relationship body. On a scientific note, there are dozens of studies that tell us that exercise releases those happy chemicals and make you feel refreshed.

Treat Yo Self

You deserve it. Give yourself a spa day. Get a mani and pedi and have brunch with your friends. Catch a matinee and upgrade to the large popcorn. Make it a day of adventure and explore your city and neighboring ones. Take a weekend vacation or make it a week, go to a place you’ve never been, and document it.

Download The App

There is an app for everything. I came across Rx Breakup, which is a 30-day post-breakup program with daily challenges. The app was developed by therapist Jane Reardon and Jeanine Lobell as a way for women to shift their focus from what’s lost and focus on the possibilities of what they can gain.

If it seems like your brand new day is taking forever to come, don’t worry, just concentrate on healing yourself and embracing new experiences one day at a time. When you’re living life, happy and building yourself up, you will begin to attract those same types of people. And who knows? Maybe down the road one of those people could be a good man waiting for you. 

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