I Found A Condom In His Suitcase. Should I Mention It?

For many couples who have ceased use of condoms, random rubbers lying around are a tell-tale sign of infidelity. A 38-year-old woman, who we’ll call “Susan,” turned to Reddit’s relationships message board for help sorting out her unique situation.

Susan’s husband of 17 years, Steve, is a recovering meth addict. He has been clean for close to a decade, and it seems that their lives are finally on track, but it looks like something he did in the past may be coming back to haunt both him and Susan. While going through some things in their home, Susan came across an old suitcase that Steve used for work-related travel years ago. Inside, she found a condom, which has her wondering if this means that Marcus was unfaithful to her back when he was using. Susan explains:

Ranging from about 9-12 years ago, my husband, Steve, had a big drug problem with meth. Needless to say, our lives were miserable. He couldn’t keep a job, he lied, he stole, he accused. He was on a downward spiral to hell and dragging me and the kids along with him. I was a SAHP at the time, but I finally went and got a job so I could support myself and told him I was done. He realized what he was losing and doing to himself, and he quit using.

He cleaned up and got a job. He made a concerted effort to be a good husband and good father. The wounds eventually healed and today we’re doing pretty well. The kids were too young to remember any of that era, and I’ve just kind of blocked those years out of my memory.

During his time on meth, Steve explored his sexuality. He cross-dressed and even engaged in anal play—with toys. The last job Steve had during the time he struggled with addiction required him to travel, which leads us to the discussion of the condom.

One manifestation of his drug use was hypersexuality. He liked to put on women’s clothes and do some anal play. I never participated in this, but I would find “evidence” including pictures left on my camera and homemade sex toys. Now, if you’re into cross dressing and butt stuff, that’s cool with me, but if you’re the man I married, and those fetishes only come up while you’re high on meth, that’s a different story.

The last job he had during that time required some travel. Recently, I was cleaning out a closet and came across the suitcase he used when he traveled that neither of us have used since. I cleaned it out and found the typical hotel souvenirs, shampoo bottles, pens and paper with the hotel letterhead, etc. And I also found a condom.

Susan suspects that Steve’s former coworker, whom he traveled with, may be gay. And she’s wondering if he had an affair with Steve. However, due to Steve’s fascination with homemade sex toys, there’s also a possibility that he was going to use the condom to get creative.

I don’t know the sexuality of Steve’s work/roommate, but I do know that he lived with a gay man. So, the condom could be for Steve and the roommate to hook up while they were out of town. Steve could have hooked up with some stranger while out of town. He may have just used a condom for a posh wank or to devise some kind of dildo from hotel shampoo bottles.

While Susan’s gut is telling her to ask Steve about the condom, she doesn’t want to disrupt the great life that they have now built. She also doesn’t believe that Steve will shoot straight with her about the rubber—even if he does recall where it came from.

The thing is, if I ask, he’ll deny it was his, even if it were for a relatively innocent use. If that is the case, he probably has forgotten about it, so he could say that he has absolutely no recollection of ever having condoms when he traveled, and he would be telling the truth due to his drugged state of mind at the time. There are a couple items that went missing at the time that he swears even now he had nothing to do with, but I know he did. He just doesn’t remember because drugs. So, I don’t know what good confronting him about the condom would be. He’ll deny it was his and that statement could be either a lie or the truth as he remembers it.

I’m not sure how I feel about him cheating if he cheated. We’ve worked so hard to build up our lives, and it was so long ago. I’m not sure how to approach this or what my reaction would be based on the outcome or even if I want to know. I just feel kind of numb about it now.

What should Susan do? Should she let sleeping dogs lie?

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