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The vagina is a mysterious place even for people who have one! As women, we have two important journeys in life: discovering ourselves and discovering our vaginas. Okay, we probably have more, but those two provide some of the best stories. Here are some pretty hilarious “Ah-ha!” vagina moments every woman has.
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That first queef
Most women have their first queef before they’ve ever heard of a queef. It usually happens when we’re new to having sex, and don’t know the rules about proper dismount etc. And it is mortifying.
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Period “breaks”
That really awesome time you realize your period sometimes stops for a whole day in the middle, and you and your partner can fool around. It’s like playing hooky — from your period.
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It can get tired
You have that first night of up-all-night sex, and the next day you’re like, “What’s…this…sensation…” and you realize your vagina is tired. Your vagina needs a good brunch and some Gatorade just like you do.
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The post-sex sideways pee
When all that doing-it has your labia all out of whack and you sit down to pee and the pee shoots off to the side. Or out of the toilet bowl. Oops!
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You and your clitoris
When somebody is finally kind enough to explain to you that if you touch your clitoris during intercourse, you can orgasm almost immediately, your clitoris becomes your new favorite toy.
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The first shave
You never knew your vagina could be so smooth. You cannot stop touching it. You’re copping feels…of yourself…under your desk.
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The hand mirror exercise
Then there is the actual exploration of the vagina. Man, that place is cavernous! You have a new found respect for anybody who goes in there after that.
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Two days after the first shave
Oh and remember two days after the first shave when you never knew anything could itch so damn much ALL OF THE TIME?!
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It knows you better than you know yourself
Sometimes we realize it during a bad relationship. Sometimes we realize it years after. But eventually we all realize, “Ooooh…my vagina told me all along that guy wasn’t right for me. It was all dried up!”
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A bush and a bikini
And there’s that phase where you tried to go retro. You grew out your bush. But then you wore a bikini, and realized that in glaring sun, you had tiny pubes sticking out of your bikini.
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Discharge and ditched panties
That awful moment you realize you left a pair of underwear at a new guy’s house…and you can’t remember if there is discharge in it.
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Fire and Ice condoms: NO
Remember the time you thought, in the middle of having sex, “Oh NO I am developing a UTI or something right now, in the middle of sex” and then realized that burning sensation was that Fire and Ice condom?
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It sweats, too
We’ve all made the unfortunate mistake of wearing a material that does not breath, to an event where we’d be seated for a very long time, on a very hot day. And we had some very odd sweat stains when we stood up.
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All the other guys were doing it wrong
It’s okay: we’ve all believed we just weren’t into having oral performed on us, until we realized everybody was just doing it wrong.
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It’s sensitive
Then there’s that awful moment when you get a UTI or yeast infection, you ask your doctor how it could have happened, and he lists off dozens of basically unavoidable scenarios and activities. So you take his prescription, and accept that you might be back in a couple of months.
