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Sometimes, when you misinterpret something and take it negatively, what’s really occurring is your own insecurities rearing their ugly little heads. There are certain things men say that can really make us doubt ourselves, but often, they mean no harm. Need examples? Here are eight things men say that women can take the wrong way.
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“You should pursue that more.”
You tell your partner you enjoyed having more responsibility at the office today. He says, “You should go after that managerial position then!”
You tell your partner you’ve thought about opening your own business. In response, he shoves three articles in your face on how to do it.
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What you think vs. what he means
You become defensive and think your partner is saying you aren’t ambitious enough. You think he is afraid you won’t succeed, so he tries to push you. But chances are, he just wants to show you that he takes an interest in the things that are important to you. He wants to show that he supports you going after your dreams and isn’t intimidated by that.
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“Don’t let that person walk all over you.”
You complain about how your friend canceled on you at the last minute again, or how your coworker stole your thunder in the presentation for the fourth time. Your partner tells you not to let those individuals walk all over you.
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What you think vs. what he means
You think he’s calling you a pushover. You think he is saying you don’t know how to stand up for yourself. But it sounds like he’s just genuinely protective of you. Even if he thinks you stand up for yourself, he is still going to say this. It’s a knee-jerk reaction when he hears about someone mistreating you.
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“It’s my job to take care of you.”
You insist on paying for the groceries or the cab and your partner refuses the money saying, “It’s my job to take care of you.”
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What you think vs. what he means
You think he is insinuating that as the man, he has to pay for everything. You even feel like he’s saying he feels obligated to provide for you—like it’s a burden. What he means is he just doesn’t feel like a man if he is incapable of providing for you. He isn’t saying you can’t do for yourself, or that you’re a burden. He likes to and wants to provide for you.
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“Let’s take a day apart.”
You and your partner get into an argument. You want to hash things out but he says he can’t talk while he’s upset. He says he needs time apart until he calms down.
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What you think vs. what he means
You think he’s telling you that your feelings come second and that he can’t handle them. But what he really means is that he is afraid he will say something that will hurt you because he’s angry. He is actually putting your feelings above everything else.
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“Your friend is so *fill in with a nice quality*”
After spending the day with you and your best friend, your boyfriend says she is “SO smart!”
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What you think vs. what he means
You immediately think that your partner wishes that you were smarter. He was trying to show you he made a point of getting to know your friend, and that he has fun hanging with the both of you.
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“If you want me to, I will.”
You ask him if he’ll come with you to a work event or join you at your family dinner. He says, “If you want me to, I will.”
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What you think vs. what he means
You think he’s, in a tricky way, hoping you’ll say, “Okay, obviously you don’t want to come so you don’t have to.” He is actually trying to say, “It’s important to me to do things for you that are important to you.” He’s saying he will come, because you have said you want him there. He is telling you your needs are important, regardless of whether or not he “wants” to fulfill them.
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“Let’s always stay hot for each other.”
You see a couple at a restaurant. They’re overweight. They’re in sweatpants. They barely talk while they scarf down their food. Your partner says, “Let’s always stay hot for each other.”
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What you think vs. what he means
You think he is trying to hint at the fact that you’ve put on weight, or that you’ve given up on your appearance. What he means is that he is so happy with how much effort you both put into the relationship right now, and he hopes that never changes.
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“I can’t think about marriage right now.”
You’ve discussed marriage and your partner says, “Between work and money problems, I just can’t think about marriage right now.”
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What you think: what he means
You think he doesn’t want to marry you. You think if he wanted to marry you, he’d do it no matter what was happening in his life. But he simply means that he doesn’t want to link his life up with another person when his life feels like it’s a mess. He doesn’t want to drag you down right now. But he probably does want to marry you if he’s willing to have an open dialogue about it.
