CB: So you started to feel like you were just a booty call?
CB: And what was his response when you told him that?
KR: He would just dismiss it as “Well, you know I am working, and I am busy.” That worked for a while, but then it just didn’t make sense. I had already given him leeway.
CB: After you broke up and got back together again, did he stop talking to you less and less?
KR: No, actually he started talking to me more because he saw that was a problem for me.
CB: But you still felt like you were being used so you broke up with him?
CB: Did you want a serious relationship with him?
KR: I wanted to wait and see. That’s why I didn’t reciprocate when he said that you belong to me. One thing that I had an issue with was the traveling all of the time. I had to ask myself, is this something that I wanted to deal with? I just came out of a relationship where I dated a celebrity, who I will not name, and it was the same thing. And I went through that for six years. Before that, I was dating a baseball player who is my son’s father. So after two relationships where I had to deal with men who traveled a lot, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do that again. In addition to the traveling, I wasn’t impressed with how he was treating me. That was a big concern. I wasn’t even worried about a man cheating on me. Me being in a profession that I am in, I already know that is a given. Women may think their men are loyal to them, but I see otherwise. So I am more concerned about how a man treats me. I expect to be valued.
CB: How was he not valuing you?
KR: So it was like, “I’m the man. I’m Dr. Umar. You should be honored to be with me.” He didn’t feel like he had to cater to me at all. He felt like he should be catered to all the time. So I’m catering to him and all that, but I never got that in return. So reciprocity was an issue with him.
CB: Did you think that there might be other women?
KR: At the time, I thought it was possible, but he assured me that it wasn’t the case.
CB: So did he know about your profession while you were dating?
KR: Yeah he knew.
CB: And he didn’t have a problem with it?
KR: No, he even saw pictures of me at work on the pole. So no. He said he didn’t have a problem with it at all.
CB: And what about your hair because he has made statements about Black women and weaves. Yet you regularly wear weaves, and your hair is blond. It didn’t bother him?
KR: No. Not at all. In fact, while we were intimate it didn’t bother him at all. And when I heard the radio statement, I was like “Oh my God.” Like, I had butterflies in my stomach.
CB: So he made one of those Black women hair comments on the radio while you were together?
KR: Yes! In May after our first break up, I started following him on social media and taking a closer look at him. That’s how I knew he was going to be on The Roland Martin Show. It was going to be a relationship show, so I decided to listen. So I’m listening and towards the end of the broadcast, he said I’m not sexually active. I’m celibate. My heart started beating, and I got butterflies. I couldn’t believe he was lying like that. I wasn’t going to call into the radio show and put him on blast. I had to collect my thoughts, try to figure out what just happened and think about what I was going to do next. And I wasn’t going to approach him about it over the phone or in text message. I wanted to confront him about it face to face. But I never got around to that because, in May, the hotel thing frustrated me, and I just said forget it all.
CB: So on the radio show, was it the fact that he was not claiming anyone that had you most upset?
KR: No, not at all. I wasn’t expecting him to say that I am with someone right now because we hadn’t developed into that. It was the part about him saying that he was celibate. It was a lie. And he just told everyone an outright lie. And if he was lying about that, what else is he lying about? So it just confirmed my suspicion that he was lying about his cousin being at his apartment and his flight being late, which is why we always had to meet so late. So it just started bringing into question everything.
CB: You said in May there was a hotel incident. What was that about?
KR: So in our entire relationship, we had only been intimate three times. And that was because I spent a good portion of the relationship angry with him. In May, we had another fight. That is the text message with the angry faces. And then we had made up. But after making up, I told him that I was busy because I wanted some me time. So he sent a text in response to what I just said, talking about a hotel. So that is why I was infuriated because we already discussed that we weren’t going to do that. Just like I wasn’t putting pressure on him to make a commitment to me, I didn’t appreciate him putting pressure on me to be a sexual slave for him. So for him to send that [text] asking again for sex, either he did not listen to anything I told him or he just totally disregarded it. So whatever the reason, it just angered me and I ended it that day.
CB: So when did you decide to put him on blast?
KR: See, I am still down for the cause. But when I see that you are not, it bothers me. When he sent me that text message saying that his mission is for the boys, but what are you going to do about your own behavior? How can you teach somebody else when you lack the ability to do it yourself? So in seeing his behavior, it really just confirmed to me that he was not who he said he was. All he had to do was admit, “Yes, I am sorry. I made a mistake. I lied. I should not have done that.” I didn’t see those things. So that told me that he was not serious about his mission to teach somebody else how to be responsible.