Men like a little mystery when they’re dating you, and trust me, they still like some mystery after they’ve been snagged and bagged. So no matter how comfortable and cozy you’ve gotten with your boo, take note of this list of things you’re better off not doing in front of him…ever.
Flatulence. Take some Beano, girl. I’ve been married for nine years and my husband still balks if I cut the cheese. Never mind he can make his booty sound like a trumpet and then laugh about it–it’s one of those double standards too futile to fight.
Burping. You’re his girlfriend–not one of his frat buddies. So just think of a burp like a fart coming out of your mouth. Extra yuck-points if it smells like hot dogs and beer. If you have to let it out, turn your head, cover your mouth, and don’t forget to say “Excuse me.”
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Nose-picking. Grab a Kleenex and get that booger on the hush. Digging for gold in front of anyone is just gross. But if you’re alone and want to use your booger-picking finger, I won’t tell.
Scratching inappropriate parts. If your scalp itches, it’s time for a shampoo. If your bottom itches, check for worms. If your va-jay-jay itches, time to see a doctor and get those critters killed.
Popping your pimples. Lose ten points if your man has ever been in the bathroom when you popped that volcano on your chin, and the sheer force of pus splattered onto the mirror.
Picking Your Teeth. If that leaf of spinach or strand of steak is stuck in your chompers, just remember–long fingernails should not be a stand-in for floss. And speaking of floss, it’s a must-have in every girl’s purse. Discretely use a napkin and try to rub it out, and if that doesn’t work, excuse yourself to the bathroom and break out the floss.
Sneezing and coughing without covering your mouth. Not only might you give that virus to your boo boo, he won’t appreciate that stinky, virus-filled spritz.
Shaving your va-jay-jay hair. That’s like wrapping a present right in front of the person you’re giving the gift to. Better to think that secret garden of yours mows itself.
Christelyn D. Karazin is a health writer and the co-author of Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate Mixing Race Culture and Creed (to be released February 2012), and runs a blog, www.beyondblackwhite.com, dedicated to women of color who are interested and or involved in interracial and intercultural relationships. She is also the founder and organizer of “No Wedding, No Womb,” an initiative to find solutions to the 72 percent out-of-wedlock rate in the black community.
