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There are plenty of unspoken rules in dating; but dating someone in a different age bracket comes with its very own set of rules—both with regards to how you treat the guy, and how you treat the rest of the world that is judging you. (Yes, they are.) Here are the unspoken rules of different age relationships.

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If he’s older, offer to pay sometimes

A tiny part of him is wondering if you’re just with him for his money. If there is a good 15 years between you two, he’d be dumb not to wonder that. So offer to pay sometimes just to wash his worries away.

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The exception to the rule

You’re totally broke and he insists on doing expensive things. If he begs and begs you to go to Tahiti but you can’t afford the ticket, who are you to say no to that ticket? The rule only applies to things you can both afford doing.

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If he’s younger, let him pay sometimes

If he’s younger, there is a small part of him that sometimes feels like you’re his caretaker. Let him feel like the caretaker and let him pay sometimes.

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The exception to the rule

When you want to do something he can’t afford, but you don’t want to do it without him. Let’s all be reasonable here: what would a cabin in Whistler be without a young cutie to share the fireplace with?

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Don’t expect much from your friends

Your friends will take a bit longer to warm up to a guy of a drastically different age than they do to the other guys you date. They’re wondering if you’re in this for the right reasons, or if it’s even serious enough for them to get to know the guy. They’re reasonable to feel that way.

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The exception to the rule

They can’t let your boy toy know he’s your boy toy, or let your sugar daddy know he’s your sugar daddy! Even if they see exactly what’s going on, they can’t blow up your entire situation by making some rude remark about it. They don’t have to be his best friend, but they’re not allowed to make your guy feel uncomfortable.

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It’s either definitely temporary

Think about it: if you’re past child-rearing years and he’s just approaching his, there is a very good chance he’s just enjoying this while it lasts, and so are you.

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The exception to the rule

Unless he thinks he can change your mind, or you can change his. Maybe you’ll adopt even though you’re old enough to have grandchildren by now. Maybe he’ll forget about the whole kid thing for good, and just be with you instead.

Or it’s definitely permanent

If he’s much older, he is probably tired of playing games. He’s ready for a companion. He’s certainly settled in life: he won’t be changing careers or moving or doing anything that would disrupt the relationship.

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The exception to the rule

There is the possibility he’s just with you because he likes dating younger women. But you won’t be young forever. Then he’ll move on.

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If he’s older, his friends are suspicious

His friends think you’re just with him for his money and you don’t even care to get to know his personality/you don’t love him. They’ll watch you like a hawk.

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The exception to the rule

Unless they’re stoked for him. Hey, maybe he just ended a miserable 30-year marriage and they’re proud of him for getting out there! If you’re one of a string of young women he dates, then they’ll be suspicious. But if you’re the first, his friends will be high fiving him.

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If he’s younger, his friends ask inappropriate questions

You can almost guarantee that his young friends ask questions about the perkiness of your boobs, what tricks you know since you’re “older” and so on.

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The exception to the rule

Oh sorry: there is no exception. They’re definitely asking.

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Don’t get mad when people get confused

If he’s much younger, you will go to a restaurant and have the hostess say, “Your son is waiting at the bar.” If he is much older, the hostess will call him your dad.

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The exception to the rule

If you look damn good. Hey now; if you’re a 40 year old who keeps it tight and you’re dating a 20 year old, that hostess needs to get her eyes checked.