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If your sweetie is pushing for a $200 Valentine’s dinner, just present him/her with this list of reminders as to why a restaurant is the last place you want to be on the holiday. Here are 15 annoying things restaurants do on Valentine’s Day.

 

Have a special menu

You went to that restaurant because you like their regular menu. Now you’re forced to pick from the pre fixe menu, which, by the way, is very expensive.

Offer aphrodisiac foods

On any other night, ordering oysters just makes you a seafood lover. But ordering these on Valentine’s Day feels like you just took off your partner’s pants in front of your server.

Allow rose vendors

You look like a jerk if you turn down the vendor going from table to table selling roses. The restaurant could have saved you the humiliation or the $10 (those are the only two options) by not letting in the flower vendor in the first place.

Miscalculate reservations

On Valentine’s Day people like to drink alcohol and talk about their feelings. Either of these take a long time respectively, but combine them, and restaurants should allot at least two and a half hours to each table.

Turn down the lights

Boy it sure would be nice to be able to read the menu without leaning over the hot, melting candle.

 

Offer all shared plates

You’d sort of just like to have your own dish rather than compromise on something you both want (translation: what your date wants and you pretend to want to be nice.)

“Free” champagne

Oh, you mean an entrée that costs $20 more than usual because of the lowest quality champagne attached to it?

 

Schedule the non-single servers

Restaurants, order in outside help, call a catering company, figure it out in advance—do what you have to do so that your employees in relationships aren’t working on Valentine’s Day. The customers can feel their resentment.

Order moving music

One harp player sitting in one place is great. Even a small group of violinists who approach a table when beckoned is nice. But a musical group that moves around the restaurant the entire evening, serenading couples whether they asked for it or not, is a pain.

Over-pack the place

On Valentine’s Day restaurants should actually remove a good chunk of their usual tables to give couples more room. Nobody wants to be shoulder to shoulder with strangers on Valentine’s Day.

Put rose petals on the table

They get everywhere!

 

Serve heavy dishes

Oh great, the options tonight are a creamy soup, creamy pasta or a creamy fish sauce. There goes the sex for the night.

Play all love songs

The happy couples feel taunted, like they’re being forced to fit into some atmosphere being created, and the unhappy couples are painfully aware of how much those songs do not apply to them.

Decorate your plate

Now you just feel unappreciative if you don’t take five photos of your plate. Oh and God forbid that you actually dip your cake in the syrup shaped like a heart.

Have a photographer

Like the rose vendor, the photographer makes you feel like a jerk if you say no to their services, and they make you spend money you hadn’t planned on spending if you say yes.

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