So the other day, a friend says she wants to ask me for some relationship advice since I’m now “an old married lady.” Those were her words, not mine. I’ve only been married for a year. However being the friend that I am, I was ready to hear her relationship dilemma and offer the best, most sincere advice I could. I was waiting for her hit me with something heavy, a question where I could dig deep into my experiences and drop some knowledge. She looks me square in the eye and says, “So I’ve been meaning to ask – when you’re dating someone, how long should you be together before you can pee with the door open?”
“You know what I mean – when do you let your unladylike behavior out?”
I wasn’t quite ready for that one. However, once I thought about it, it was a very good question indeed.
In my single days, I would run water when I used the bathroom so a man wouldn’t hear me pee. I also probably would’ve burst a blood vessel before I passed gas in front of a man, ANY man – especially the one I was dating. But then you get comfortable. He thinks you’re cute and ignores your snoring. You think he’s adorable, so you overlook the fact that he chews his food like a cow. You’re in that stage where you can let it all go – literally.
But when do we get to that stage? Three months? Six months? A year? Never?
I’ve dated guys who farted in my presence on our first date. And while they’d say “excuse me,” I was still taken back. My first reaction was, “Dude, we ain’t cool like that yet.” But they’d do it like it was nothing – some almost took pride in busting a good one. I just tried to forget it…while holding my breath of course. I think my husband waited at least 6 months before he did that in front of me, so he gets cool points for that.
I remember the first time I passed gas in front of a guy. I was mortified. He barely noticed. When he asked me why I was turning red, I said, “Because I passed gas.” (I figured I should warn him in case it was a deadly one). He was like, “awww, how cute.” Men. They dig in deep for it and let it rip while I’m trying to be a lady. When I look surprised or disgusted” they say, “What? Everyone does it.” Meanwhile, I’m passed out on the floor somewhere.
I understand everyone does it. Of course we do. But if we get comfortable a little too fast, will a guy look at us like we’re crazy, or take it as a sign that we truly like him since we’re comfortable enough to let our guard down? Is this something that only women agonized over? I don’t picture men wondering when it’s okay to clip their toenails in bed in front of their woman. Why are women the ones who have to be ladylike all the time when it comes to those things? Men can belch, burp, fart, scratch and grab all they want – while women have to hold it in, let it stay stuck or let it itch – all so we don’t turn him off. And if we ARE allowed to just hang loose, when is it safe to do that?
I’m sure it’s all relative, and each relationship is different, but if it were up to me, a man would NEVER see me do ANY of that stuff if I can help it. Some things should just remain a mystery. But we all know that’s unrealistic, so I’d say that if you’re planning to live with someone, those “mysterious” things won’t be a mystery for long, so you should just let it happen organically. Personally, I was happy to see that side of my husband early on and get it over with. For us, seeing ourselves in our most non-flattering light let us know that we really cared for each other, because in true long-term relationships it’s not going to be pretty all the time…or smell like roses. So to answer her question, I simply told her to play it by ear, while not being crass about it. Sure, he may be falling for you, but don’t stop being a lady just to test his affection for you. And if you’re not sure, close the door when you use the bathroom…and use the spray.